He Said/She Said, Is It A Crime?, PostRacialist

Question of the Day: An Interracial Dating Double Standard?

CNN recently reported the story of Brian Milligan Jr., an 18-year-old white man who was beaten by a group of 10 to 15 black men, possibly because Milligan was dating a black woman, 18-year old Nicola Fletcher. The couple from Buffalo, NY said they’d been regularly harassed by men and boys in the neighborhood because of their relationship. Milligan had even been shot with paintball pellets two days before the incident. His father now wants the attack to be treated as a hate crime.

More after the jump.

From CNN:

Armed with a chunk of concrete, several assailants beat Brian Milligan Jr. on the back of the head on August 18, leaving a 3-inch gash. They kicked him in the face, breaking his jaw.

Bloodied and bruised, the 18-year-old managed to walk five blocks to his grandmother’s house before being rushed to the hospital.

Milligan’s father believes several African-Americans beat his son, who is white, because he is dating an African-American woman. He wants police to treat the beating as a hate crime. He also has criticized what he calls a deafening silence from the community, police and the national media.

“If this was a black guy who was beaten by a group of white guys for dating a white girl, people would be up in arms,” he said. “There’s a double standard.”

No arrests have been made. In the story it says he suffered blood on the brain and brain swelling from the incident. He also doesn’t remember the beating. Community response to the attack has been muted and one local pastor spoke out about why.

“At first, it didn’t affect me the way that it would have if I heard it was a black teen attacked,” said the Rev. Darius Pridgen, who spent years fighting for civil rights for African-Americans.

“But after I saw his father on TV pleading with the community to find the assailants, I decided I had to go after the people who beat this kid.”

Pridgen said he felt that the community has turned a collective blind eye to the beating. So he gave a fire-and-brimstone sermon at the True Baptist Church on a Sunday after the attack, appealing to his congregation to help find the culprits.

“He didn’t deserve to be beaten this way,” Pridgen recalled saying at the service. “If you believe this, put your hands together.”

If it was a black teen, Pridgen said, “We would have been protesting with flags and everything else.”

Rod Watson also addressed the issue in his column in the Buffalo News. Watson, who is black, pointed out that interracial marriages are nearly 10 times higher than they were in 1960, according to U.S. Census data, but still those couples have a tough time being accepted by society.

“If blacks in Buffalo in 2009 are acting like whites in Selma in 1959, this society has big problems, despite electing a president who is himself the product of an interracial union,” Watson said.

When I read this story I was horrified, as I am, whenever senseless violence occurs. I was also very saddened that this was black people acting violently and behaving as if another black person were their property and beating a man for dating, re: having a potential sexual relationship with their “property.” And that made me feel sick because as Watson points out, that is the same mentality white racists had and still have towards interracial dating. It wasn’t OK to hang, beat, maime, mutilate and murder countless black males for allegedly being involved with a white woman. I don’t see how black people could turn around and act out the same sick pathology knowing what we know about what was done to us. It’s not like this one particular white man was oppressing black people. He was just dating one. What sense does this make? And unlike some of the residents of Buffalo I am just as offended about this as I would be if the roles were reversed. People should be allowed to love and be loved by whomever they choose without fear of nearly dying over it.

But what do you think? Should the men involved with Milligan’s beating me charged with a hate crime? Is the community response slow because of a double standard? Is that double standard warranted? Is there every a scenario where it is OK to react in violence to a situation like this? Was anyone less horrified or unaffected because the victim was a white man and why?

He Said/She Said, PostRacialist

The Incredible Angry Black Woman

Are you angry? Would we not like you when you’re angry?

I got into a discussion with a friend about male/female relationships while I was in Washington, D.C. and we were discussing the Obamas. He saw Michelle Obama, the First Lady, as the dominating figure in the relationship due to the fact that the president sometimes defers to her in his speeches or references her, saying he discussed things with her or so on. After listening to him for a bit, I pointed out that often the Obamas are more of a marital Rorschach test that says more about us than them, that no one can actually know another person’s marriage but the two people in it and that often we are taking our own experiences, wants, desires and fears and projecting them upon the First Family. But while he said he “liked” Michelle, he did see her as the quintessential “Angry Black Woman.”

Oh. That heifer again.

More after the jump.

All my life I’ve heard many things about this woman. The finger snapping, neck cracking, fussin’ fueding and fighting, pissed off, scary as all get out, crazy, angry black woman. And while I’ve known a few black women who may qualify as angry or may have a chip on their shoulder a lot of this is much more complicated than a simple “she’s a crazy ABW.”

When you’ve been robbed of your femininity (which is sometimes the case with black women) due to a society that historically didn’t view you as a woman or, let’s say, a woman worth being chivalrous to (see Truth, Sojourner) you get a real limited amount of things you can do to get attention. I’ve known countless black women and men who grew up in households were parents and other adults honestly could have cared less if you had a bad day and frowned upon any crying, fussing, moaning or complaining. Suck it up, is practically the national pastime. But the one emotion that is almost always acceptable is anger. Your parents get mad. Your friends get mad. You get mad. Everyone is allowed to get mad. For some people crying is perceived as a weakness, but if you’re one “not to take no shit off of nobody” well, that will get you accolades and props and pats on the back. We reward strength in our community, in our society. Often anger is confused with strength.

I’m familiar with this phenomenon because I grew up the exception. My mother overly mothered me. I was allowed to cry and get upset. I did not like fighting or getting angry. I hated it, in fact. This DID NOT prepare me for school life at all, as I was easily the target for anyone who needed to feel superior in making someone else bawl. I was a softie.

But as I got older I learned that the so-called “angry” people were just as soft as I was. That’s why they were so quick to get mad.

In college I had a roommate who found out her boyfriend was cheating on her. She screamed. She stamped her feet. He acted like a moron. He ended up punching another girl (the one he cheated on my roommate with) and being arrested my the police. As mad as my roommate was and despite all that drama (and the fact that this man was scary and possibly not well in the head), she took him back over and over and over again. She would scream. She would call him the N-word. She would love him. She would take him back. Loving and screaming was all she seemed to know.

Anger was her go-to emotion for everything. And for some people the drama sounds as sweet as “I love you.”

But peel back the layers and you would learn that she got sad, confused, lonely, lost and frustrated just like I did. She just reached for the bottle of PO-ed every time because that’s what she’d been taught to do. Some of the anger is really more of a toughness. With many black men and women coming from single parent homes, having to grow up earlier and deal with adult problems sooner than most, you’re not necessarily going to be the laid back, happy-go-lucky, Mr. or Ms. Carefree. You know the reality of the problems in the world, as well as the ones in your own life. It’s hard to slap a smiley face on it and a song in your heart where a missing parent is supposed to be.

A lot of our “anger” is confused with “pain.” It’s over-exaggerated at times by those who are the most jaded. There’s nothing wrong with a man saying he talked something over with his wife. That doesn’t mean she has his nuts in a vice. This shouldn’t be a competition. We’re supposed to be a team. And if you’re in a relationship with an angry person, maybe you should just judge and deal with that person on their terms, not label an entire group of women as borderline insane.

Sometimes having a little fire is a good thing when used properly. Perhaps if I’d been a touch more “angry” in my first serious relationship I wouldn’t have wound up being the doormat so many times and miserable as he took advantage of my niceness. Some people will take your love, like a thief, and run with it, do God only knows with it, and leave you with nothing.

I was young and idealistic. I was easy prey.

I’ve never liked the stereotype of the ABW. It makes things too simple. It makes our problems too easy to discard. But I guess what I disliked most was that she wasn’t me or my mother or my sisters or my cousins. That I knew a few women who happened to be angry, but I didn’t know an army of neck-snapping sisters, but the neck-snapping ones got all the TV shows. That Michelle Obama hadn’t actually done anything remotely angry but was labeled an ABW anyway just based on appearances. How many times had I heard someone say they “knew” women just like her. But how could you “know” her unless you actually KNOW her? Otherwise we’re just basing things on hunches and assumptions.

Currently in my life, I’m trying to come to terms with some things about being black woman and how it is frustrating to hear people speak as if we all came off the Shenaynay assembly line. It also hurts me when black men and women go after each other, mired in stereotypes. I wish we could look past that and see what’s deeper and work on that rather than the superficial. When you say something like “all black men are dogs” or “all black women are angry” it’s a way of lazily absolving yourself from any responsibility in the role you played to get yourself into the shape you are today. It’s easy to say, it’s all them and not me. It’s a scapegoat. It’s convenient. You, after all, couldn’t be the reason that you are single. Everyone else just must be that awful.

I think there’s enough anger to go around.

He Said/She Said, MediaSnob

Google Stalking TJ Holmes and Hill Harper: Together At Last

Embedded video from CNN Video

If your TV exploded Saturday morning it was because that dasterdly handsome Prince of West Memphis, Sir TJ Holmes of CNN Weekend, was interviewing the sexy scholar/actor Hill Harper about his new book on relationships and marriage in the black community. Yes. Both. Together. AT THE SAME TIME! Be still my little heart. TJ and Hill also briefly mention TJ’s engagement where the Teege says “I’m not trying to be part of the problem. I’m trying to be the solution here,” in regards to his own engagement. Awww. On Twitter yesterday, TJ asked why 70 percent of professional black women were unmarried and I wrote back, “Because you can’t marry us all, Teege!” So true. Enjoy the video. Hopefully it won’t cause your browser to melt. (Thanks, Mia for the link!)

He Said/She Said

And Maury Sez “John Edwards, You ARE the Father!”

Rumors, rumors, rumors abound that former presidential candidate John Edwards is ready to admit that the 18-month-old child of his mistress, Rielle Hunter, is … yeah … probably his kid n’ stuff.

More after the jump.

Sources have told WRAL News that they expect former U.S. Sen. John Edwards to admit that he is the father of his former mistress’ 18-month-old daughter.

Edwards, a two-time Democratic presidential candidate, confessed last August to having an affair with Rielle Hunter, who served as a videographer on Edwards’ 2008 campaign. He has denied fathering her daughter, saying his relationship with Hunter ended before the child was conceived.

The name of the girl’s father isn’t disclosed on her birth certificate.

Politicians! They’re just like guests on Maury Povich! Or Judge Fill-In-The-Blank! And this was a man who lobbied to be on Team Obama. Thank GOD the team saw that stink train pulling in the station before they hopped on board. Not everyone can pull a Bill Clinton and let the random ladies who aren’t your wife wash over you, but even Slick Willie managed to not produce any extra Willies (that we know of) while on his many extra-marital excursions. Re: Willie’s Advice — No one gets knocked up from blow jobs. Just sayin’.

EntertainmentSnob, He Said/She Said, PopCulturalist

Necessity Is The Mother of Re-Invention: Lil Kim

At some point you have to put the crotch-shots away and woman-up. This is where we find Ms. Kimberley Jones, aka, rapper Lil Kim in our year of the Lord, two-thousand-and-nine.

She’s been to jail. She’s been vilified. She’s done all sorts of ungodly things. She’s been under the knife repeatedly to change her look from a cute, but regular, black chick, to a blown-up, boobie black Barbie. She’s been raunchy. She’s been nasty. Now she’s singing for Nelson Mandela’s birthday bash with Cyndi Lauper.

The times, they are a-changin’.

More after the jump.

Last season Lil Kim took a turn for the better when she went on the ultimate star reinvention show, ABC’s Dancing With the Stars. She used her time far more wisely than Master P did during his run, actually bothering to master the Cha Cha and two-step rather than argue over shoes. She went “all-in,” as in, she was all in for an image change. Being the “baddest bitch” had its horrendous downsides, and even though she was part of creating the monster that threatened to destroy her, I couldn’t help but root for Jones’ makeover.

Everyone deserves a second chance.

Like many women in Kim’s hyper sexualized situation, she had been the product of abuse and poverty. Wanting out and wanting fame she was willing to use her body to get it and let someone else write the rhymes. That worked, for awhile, but when you present yourself as a vulgar pin-up it’s hard to get taken seriously, and the same men who once backed you, you learn were only using you for the cash. They were more than fine with dumping you once your particular flavor-of-the-month was no more. While Kim, despite her efforts, is no singing talent, she could have easily been warbling out Mary J. Blige’s ultimate “I’ve been changed” anthem, “No More Drama,” as Kim has come out as mainstream and is giving up the raunch, at least temporarily, to try something a tad more respectable.

I, for one, hope she sticks with the plan. If former Playboy pin-ups Pamela Anderson and Jenny McCarthy can come home and play Prodigal Daughters, why can’t Kim?

He Said/She Said, MediaSnob, SportsSnob

What’s Serena’s Rear Got To Do With This?

“Super Genius” Jason WhitlockResident sports “Super Genius” Jason Whitlock made an attempt at “truth-tellin'” Monday by taking Serena Williams’ Wimbeldon win and using it as an excuse to rehash old mess about Williams being “overweight,” “a whiner,” “underachiever (!!!) and “like Paris Hilton (!!!!!!!!).”

He tries to save himself with the tired ol’ “You can call me unfair. You can even scream that I’m sexist …”

And all the people making excuses for Serena and rationalizing her failure to totally dominate women’s tennis are the very people uninterested in seeing women rise to a level of equality with men.

But we all know this is just code for “I’m about to say something so sexist that your head will pull a Linda Blair and pea soup will cover your monitors, but don’t bitch me out, ladies n’ gents! I’m just keepin’ it real … sexist!

Whitlock goes on to spend much of the column talking about Williams’ “pumpkin booty” versus a much more preferred “onion booty,” discounting her 11 grand slam wins even though they equal that of one of the greatest female players of all time, and basically calling her out as a loser despite her penchant for winning.

More after the jump.

He does this all under the guise that he’s just trying to say that Serena could be a better and more famous tennis player than she is. OK. Fine. You’re not the first or last to make this statement. But did you have to hinge that argument on paragraphs like these?

Think about it. At 5-foot-9, 145 pounds, Serena would be unstoppable on the court, on the cover of every magazine still in circulation and downloaded on the Internet three times more often than Anna Kournikova.

Instead, Serena is arguably pushing 175 pounds, content playing hard only in the major tournaments, happy to be photographed on dates with pro athletes and proud to serve as a role model for women with oversized back packs.

BBWs — Big Booty Women — do not write me angry e-mails. I’m only knocking Serena’s back pack because it’s preventing her from reaching her full potential as an athletic icon. I am not fundamentally opposed to junk in the trunk, although my preference is a stuffed onion over an oozing pumpkin.

(A stuffed onion is a booty so round and tight that it brings tears to your eyes).

One. Why the obsession with her ass? That ass just won Wimbeldon. That ass has endorsements. That ass is insanely wealthy and famous. That ass is the most feared ass in tennis. Yet it is the target of your argument? Her looks? If only Serena looked better? If only she were less muscular and thinner? If only she were … she were … she were shaped like Anna Kournikova? I mean, you AT LEAST could have compared her to another black woman or her sister. But the no talent, tennis hack Kournikova who NEVER won a major? Who’s best known for just being tall, blonde and hot? Priorities Whitlock. Do you want Serena to dominate tennis or dominate you in your bedroom? Get over her ass. Seriously.

Two. Get used to the ass because it ain’t going anywhere. And I could be wrong, but I think more than a few folks like it just the way it is.

But the biggest offense is that he compares her to sex tape famous, fake hair shilling, richie rich, priveleged princess, Paris Oh My Fucking God Hilton.

Right now I’d put on Serena on par with Paris Hilton. I know that’s harsh. Serena’s accomplishments are far more substantive than Hilton’s. But Paris Hilton doesn’t have one discernible skill (that I can publish in this column without earning it an R rating). Hilton’s monumental overachievement is her accomplishment of becoming a celebrity.

Yet, you compared them anyway. Bravo, super genius!

What kills me the most about this article is that it claims that any detractors simply don’t want women’s tennis to succeed. You see? I’m the sexist in Whitlock’s eyes because I accept Serena for who she is and respect the choices she has made as a person and as an athlete. Because I judge her by her skill and do not hold her to superficial beauty standards or bemoan a tall, athletic Amazonian being around 160lbs …. which is NORMAL for someone that frickin’ tall. She’s not a supermodel. She is not an actress. She is not part of the “professional pretty class.” Her job is tennis and she kicks ass. You can complain that she may not kick enough ass for a plethora of reasons, but the minute you make the argument more about the outside and less about the inside you have lost the argument with me.

Sadly, I doubt Whitlock wrote this because he is a “fan” of Serena’s as he claims to be. More likely he is playing the role of drama king, trying to drum up some page hits for his column by saying some uncouth bastardish shit. Well, I say, let him have them, or let him have at it, ladies and gentleman. After you’re finished debating this on my blog, feel free to wander over to Whitlock’s and give him the comments he so deserves.

He Said/She Said

Do It For Love, Sanford-Style

And I don’t mean Fred.

From the Associated Press:

Sanford insisted his relationship with Maria Belen Chapur, whom he met at an open air dance spot in Uruguay eight years ago, was more than just sex.

“This was a whole lot more than a simple affair, this was a love story,” he said. “A forbidden one, a tragic one, but a love story at the end of the day.”

I honestly can’t wait for this movie to come out. It is going to have EVERYTHING. Love on the Argentine! Exotic locales! Hot political sex! Desperate political wives! The ruining of careers! The wasting of taxpayer dollars! Smoldering looks (and emails)! I want it to star William Fichtner and Penelope Cruz. And I want it directed by Pedro Almodovar and I want it in theaters now. Gimmie! Gimmie! Gimmie!

More after the jump.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c
Shut Up, Mark Sanford
Daily Show
Full Episodes
Political Humor Jason Jones in Iran

Oh, Mark Sanford, I know everyone wants you to STFU, but not me! I want you to talk forever about your soulmate! I want to read more embarrassing Harlequin Romance/Telenovela-style emails to your paramour. I want to know every detail and YOU want to tell me! I can look into your eyes and see that every fiber of your being aches to tell the public that this woman had you so damn sprung that you couldn’t help but go bang her on the tax payer’s dime! You want to tell me how hot and interesting she is. I’m just saying — The Snob is here to listen, honey. Pull up on my couch and tell me all about this mami who set your heart aflame. And then, when I sell the screenplay for seven figures I’ll give you your cut, because you’re going to need it as I don’t see your current line of employment lasting much longer.

But perhaps Lynn Cheney can hook you up with her book publisher. She’s written a dirty ditty or two in her day. I’m sure she’ll get you all straightened out.