First the good.
Janet Jackson put it down for her brother at the MTV Video Music Awards Sunday night. She was incredible and I, already a JJ fan, had ever more respect for her ability to put on such a performance so soon after her brother’s passing, performing the only song the two ever recorded together, “Scream.” (It’s really a shame they didn’t do more music together.) Janet is a phenomenal dancer and performer in her own right and it’s amazing that both those people came out of one very multitalented family.
Now for the incredibly mind-numbingly stupid, Jay-Z swagger humping via Beyonce, circus-like bitchfest that is Kanye West. Seriously, Ye. Why do you make it so hard for me to love you?
What is this? Again. I don’t understand this. AGAIN. The Guardian UK did a break down of all the times Mr. West has lost his shit at either award shows or online (click here for the entire West Freak Out Opus). I honestly didn’t understand this blatant display of shine-jacking, this time the target a tiny, pretty little country/western singer whose songs annoy me because they play 9 billion times a day on the radio. I mean, I was rooting for Pink to win the Moonman for best female video, not Taylor Swift and her annoyingly uptempo country-pop ballad “You Belong To Me,” but hey, she’s a kid. Most of MTV’s viewers are 12 and 13. It’s a feel good story. Girl with the Nashville sound wins over My Chemical Romance fans. Good for HER. But OF COURSE because Beyonce was also up for the same award for “Single Ladies” and Beyonce is married to Camel Joe, aka Jay-Z, Kanye’s mentor/homie/ace/stalkee, he felt the need to grab the mic from blondie and start screaming out that “Single Ladies” was one of the greatest videos of all time.
Ahem, my dear Famewhore, no. There are several things wrong with this assessment.
1. Single Ladies IS NOT one of the best videos of all time. The dance was catchy, the tune was catchy but the whole thing was just her and two chicks in leotards aping Tina Turner. I still watch the thing waiting for them to do the karate kicks and coming away disappointed. Beyonce has done better videos, namely “Crazy In Love,” the main reason that keeps me from completely hating her as I’m convinced “Crazy In Love” is one of the greatest summer dance jams ever thanks to that pilfered beat courtesy of the Chi-Lites.
2. Please stop kissing Jay’s arse. We get it. You love Jay. Jay helped make you. You think Hov is the greatest of all time. You written songs thanking him for what he’s done for you (which I always thought was mad weird, but whatever, do your thing). You honestly don’t need to invade the space of young white women to get your “I Heart Jay” point across. Please. You don’t have to defend Jay’s woman. Beyonce is more than capable of Sasha Fierce-ing herself and has a bed full of money to comfort her at night. Plus, SHE’S WON THIS AWARD BEFORE! She has Moonmen. So really, we know this was all about Jay and nothing about Bey. I don’t understand why you can’t just Hello Kitty-Lisa Frank bedazzle some sort of Ye and Jay 4-Ever T-shirt, ask him to leave Bey and run away with you to the tune of Let’s Dance by David Bowie, proposing that Jay put on his red shoes and dance away the blues right into your heart or something like that. I understand the concept of “bromance” but this is turning into “bro-obsession.” Please stop.
As for the rest of the VMAs … zzzzzzzzzzzz … Lady GaGa is off her rocker and covered in blood … zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. And then the awesomeness that was the trailer for Michael Jackson’s “This Is It,” which will probably make a ka-billion dollars.
Here it is for those who missed it.