My play cousin AverageBro came back from his Labor Day weekend ready to chop some heads over at the Obama Administration. Along with saying “Van Jones can kick rocks” and see all up underneath the Greyhound bus, he also offered up Valerie Jarrett as she was supposed to vet the guy. (Noooo! Not my Valerie! Think of the shoes!) But there is one person I’ve been DYING to replace since he was named — Press Secretary Robert Gibbs.
I don’t know if it’s his Porky Pig demeanor or the fact that he has none of the smart sex appeal of Tony Snow, but I never liked dude. After all, GWB’s press secretaries got better looking over time. From uggamuffin Ari Fleischer all the way up to your standard blonde, Republican babe, Dana Perino. I figured Obama would learn from the lessons of the past and pick the smartest, physically attractive person he could find to lie to me. That’s what I wanted. That’s ALL I ever asked for. They have to do a lot of TV as press secretary and take a lot of abuse. The least you could do is make them visually arresting. Even Deputy Press Secy. Bill Burton, an incognegro, is not bad on the ol’ peepers. Upgrade, man. You can’t do any worse.
Here are some suggestions from myself and my friend Adeshola B. … some serious, some not:
Soledad O’Brien: She’s not doing anything important right now.
TJ Holmes: My first and always choice
Morgan Freeman: “He’s good enough at doing those voice overs,” Adeshola B.
Don Lemon: Lurve him.
Carlos Watson: Homeskillet just lost his show. And he’s not bad looking. He had your back on that whole is “socialist” the new “N-word” thing! Think about it.
Mario Lopez: What? “Now you know Mario’s dimples would set it off! The dimples and machismo would win over the room,” Adeshola B.