Uncategorized

There’s No Sexual Revolution In Black America Just Sex (Unconventional Wisdom)

Once upon a time, not very long ago, my mother had a conversation with a friend about teaching children about sex. My mother had just signed a permission slip for me to watch a video about puberty presented by my health teacher and my mother’s friend was shocked Mama Snob had allowed this transgression to take place.

“But if you teach them about it they’ll want to do it!” she shrieked to my mother’s dismay.

And she wasn’t the only parent shrieking.

More after the jump.

I was 12-years-old at the time. In my young life I already knew the difference between a so-called “slut” and a “virgin.” Most of my peers cursed like sailors, but largely for show. The boys and girls had been separated on the playground because two boys and a girl decided to play “doctor” on the hooded part of the plaground equipment. Most of my peers had seen all the R-rated movies I wasn’t allowed to see (if Disney didn’t make it, I didn’t watch it in the 80s). And everyone giggled when someone said “sex.”

My mother, not wanting me to get my sex-ed from the playground, taught me about puberty and basic sexual function when I was only nine years old. She wasn’t exactly worried about me having sex because I knew what a penis was and the proper terms for body parts. She was worried about all the pressure and misinformation floating about among my peers. She wanted to empower me with correct information. This was part of her extensive, sometimes painful plan (for me) to ensure that none of her daughters got pregnant out of wedlock.

The plan must have worked pretty well. Though all the Snob sisters are grown and single-to-mingle, none of us have kids. (We’re ages 35, 31 and 28 respectively.) All of us have information though. Enough information that we’d honestly have no excuses if we got knocked up. It’s not like by age 15 we didn’t have an armada of facts and figures telling us how to say no and how to protect ourselves. Not to mention a mother who had “a plan” that worked all too well.

(That plan included no R-rated movies until the oldest sister was old enough to chaperone us to them. A limited amount of television. An overload of books. Not being allowed to go to sleep overs and not being allowed to date until we were 18 and even then she had to know both the boy and his parents. This was all topped of with a constant push of how we were all going to college and pregnancy could really mess that up.)

But too many people didn’t have a plan. And that’s why my friend’s mother was of the mindset that somehow watching a video about puberty would harm her son. And it shouldn’t shock anyone that her son wound up impregnating another girl when he was a teen. After all, they never talked about sex, but sex was everywhere to be found. On TV. On the radio. Amongst our peers. Sex was everywhere and unavoidable.

Black children start sexual activity on average earlier than other children. In a study of inner city teens it was found that black girls average age of first sexual intercourse is around 13. The national average is 17. Black girls also have a higher rate of STDs than their counterparts. A recent study found that half of black teens between the ages of 14 to 19 were infected with some form of STD. For white teenagers it’s 20 percent.

I believe these figures are so high due to an overall lack of sexual health education in the black community, especially among our youth, but it crosses over into adults as well who were also never educated properly.

There has always been sex, but as far as I can tell, there has never been a true “sexual revolution” in thinking among many blacks. There is a twoness of either you’re chaste and virginal or you’re promiscuious with a voracious sexual appetite and there is no inbetween. You could blame it on the music, but black music going back to blues has always had an overtly sexual under and overtone to it. There’s always been a level of raunch whether we’re talking about bump n’ grind, R. Kelly style, or bump n’ grind, old dirty bluesman style. Whether we’re having “Birthday Sex” or “Strokin'” with Clarence Carter.

There is a celebration of the most lascivious in that can be seen gyrating in rap videos or in the braggadocio of a Jay Z lyric. Sex often appears apropos of nothing in our pop art as if we’ve never escaped the Mandigo/Big Black Buck/Hottentot Venus/Black Wench stereotypes we were given after we were used to “breed” and make more slaves as part of the “Peculiar Institution.”

Living on a diet of sexual laden music and television can take a toll on the psyche.

(H)eavy exposure to sexual content on television related strongly to teens’ initiation of intercourse or their progression to more advanced sexual activities (such as “making out” or oral sex) apart from intercourse in the following year. Youths who viewed the greatest amounts of sexual content were two times more likely than those who viewed the smallest amount to initiate sexual intercourse during the following year (see figure) or to progress to more-advanced levels of other sexual activity. In effect, youths who watched the most sexual content “acted older”: a 12-year-old at the highest levels of exposure behaved like a 14- or 15-year-old at the lowest levels.

But realistically, our children aren’t having an academic discussion, processing the images they see and aligning them with history. They’re just consuming them as pro-sex endorsements, symbols of adulthood and liberation, devoid of responsibility and consequences. And while music and media do play a role in influencing views of sex on impressionable youth, the real motivator has always been other youth.

In a study presented at a meeting of the American Public Health Association (APHA), researchers at the University of Kentucky followed 950 teenagers at 17 high schools in Kentucky and Ohio from 9th to 11th grades. They found evidence that teens who have intercourse tend to think their friends are too, even if they’re not. “You’re 2.5 times more likely to have sex by the 9th grade if you think your friends are having sex — whether or not they really are,” says Katharine Atwood, assistant professor at the Kentucky School of Public Health. Plus, teens tended to overestimate how many of their friends were sexually active. Only 33 percent of kids in the study had had sex by the 9th grade, but 31 percent said that most or all of their friends had had sex. “If you can persuade them that fewer are having sex than they think,” she says, “that can have a significant impact on their behavior.” (Psychology Today)

There is a confusing crudeness in how many blacks view sexuality. It’s depicted as bad on one hand, and you have parents afraid of engaging in talks about sex with their children as if their off-spring lived in a bubble. On the other, you have the former BET show “Uncut” that played what passed for softcore porn on cable television in long-video form. You have rapper Snoop Dogg selling commercially friendly products to youth and you have the same Snoop Dogg who once hosted a porno. We seem to have the worst of America’s love-hate relationship with sex in the black community where you can proudly see it all hang out, while another side desperately tries to tuck it back in and no one ever cracks opens a book and learns how their bodies are supposed to work in the first place.

There’s no sexual revolution in black America, just sex. Confused, fun, dangerous, illicit, guilt-filled sex. Very few people are acting from a place of maturity and confidence, not in themselves or their sexuality. We’re living in a place where it’s become acceptable to have a kid or several out of wedlock and act like it’s impossible to make it to 30 without this happening. We’re silent about the AIDS epidemic disproportionately ravaging black women. No one wants to talk about sex, but everyone seems to want to do it, desperately, without protection and in seductive ignorance of the cruel realties of their undertakings.

I was in the mall once and a man, about my age, began to flirt with me and asked me if I had any kids. I said no and he was taken aback. He wondered if I liked kids. Then he wondered how I’d managed to make it to 31 and not get pregnant. I was taken aback and looked at him and said, point black, “Um … it was pretty easy. Birth control. Don’t have sex. Condoms.”

He smirked and conceded that I had a point. Of course, he had kids and they had seemed unavoidable for him. I’m sure they were when you choose the short-lived joy of unprotected sex over a revolution of thought.

Standard

45 thoughts on “There’s No Sexual Revolution In Black America Just Sex (Unconventional Wisdom)

  1. You hit the nail on the head with this one. 2 Lines did it for me. Very few people acting from a place of maturity…and choosing unprotected sex over a revolution of thought. On the road to mastering the game of life this conversation cannot be avoided.

  2. G says:

    I can’t tell you how many people have been shocked that I don’t have kids. They’re always Black. It makes me crazy. When I try to tell them I can barely take care of myslef, let alone another human being, they look at me like that has nothing to do with it. THANK YOU for this post! My Mom and Dad both had a plan – although my Dad wasn’t one for talking about the details (to our mutual relief). He did , however, make sure that I never went out on a date without the money to pay for my own dinner – or whatever- and cab fare home. He wanted me to always be in a position where I could safely walk away. It’s the little things like that which are the big things. Even now I retain that independence.I want kids, and when I have them I will have a plan – for my sons and daughters.

  3. One memory that always sticks out in my mind was a time when I was 12. A woman at my church announced she was pregnant and my first thought was "Who’s the father?" and my second thought was "It’s none of my business". Then I realized the first two thoughts were irrelevant because she was MARRIED. Even back then it disturbed me how I automatically thought a pregnant black woman was single.I have a relative who has contracted two STDs because of unprotected sex. Now she’s seven months pregnant. I’ve discussed condom usage with her, but it doesn’t seem like she’s willing to draw a line and make it an absolute must with the men she sleeps with. It’s frustrating.

  4. JJ says:

    Black folk are very religious. Very religious folk tend not to talk about sex.Black people aren’t very accepting of alternate views of sexuality – you really are a virgin or a slut – there is no middle ground…women still pride themselves on their "numbers," I should say lack of numbers and men still validate that by not wanting a woman whose numbers are too high – though they may have slept half the university themselves.As long as a woman’s worth is associate with how she’s used her vagina then we won’t get anywhere. Until we can have dialogue on sex that doesn’t involve slut shaming or upholding virginity/purity as the ideal then these sort of numbers/issues will continue.

  5. hmm. i dunno about this. The age of sexual initiation is also younger among whites in places where the median income is lowest, as is the age of first pregnancy and the number of kids. And you’re right to mention lack of sexual health education, but it’s also important to point out the lack of actual health resources among many marginalized populations — like a regular family doctor or the ability to pay for birth control measures like the pill or DepoProvera, which middle class, insured people take for granted. (There’s also the question of social incentive, which is a whole ‘nother, important issue.) it seems like you’re using race here as a proxy for other stuff: class and educational attainment (and those things, of course, correlate with religiosity). JJ is absolutely right: a heavily churched population is going to have really conservative values about sexual activity, and is more likely to see pregnancy or the contraction of an STI/D as a personal moral failing. This is the fundamental problem with shame cultures: sooner or later people just stop talking about really important stuff out of fear of judgment, but it doesn’t stop that stuff from happening.

  6. also…

    There is a confusing crudeness in how many blacks view sexuality. …Very few people are acting from a place of maturity and confidence, not in themselves or their sexuality.

    I mean. As opposed to whom, exactly? This statement seems reckless and really, really condescending.

  7. Monie says:

    It’s frightening to watch those judge shows on TV and see women having to take paternity tests to determine who the father of her child is. These are grown women. I just don’t get that. Not only are they having unprotected sex with one person, they are having it with someone else as well. And they have no shame! How is it they are not concerned in the least that they are taking a paternity test on national TV? Some of this must come from a lack of caring about self. Low self-esteem seems to be ravaging some segments of the Black communities. I’m not sure what the solution is but I know information can make a difference.

  8. Mac says:

    I find it profoundly depressing, the number of times "How many kids you got" (none, for the record) has been used on me as a pickup line. And the reaction! As if something is wrong! (I apologize if this comes off more as venting than contributing.)

  9. Brandi says:

    Man, I have to say that this post scares me. It scares me because I have a 10 year old son and it’s difficult to accept that someone so young will soon have thoughts of sexual intercourse (he may be having them now). However, as scared as I am, I have slowly started to have conversations regarding sex with him. My husband has as well. This way, there is no big sex talk. We’ll just build on previous conversations. I’ve never understood those who choose to shun sex education. In my experience, those who have, became grandparents rather quickly. And on a side note, can I just say that I’m sick of this unwed mother crap? Someone I know, had the nerve to tell me that she and her boyfriend always wanted 2 kids – she was 15 when she had her first and 18 when she had her second child! Maybe if she keeps telling herself that lie she’ll start to believe it. She’s now 30 struggling with two kids but is proud b/c her children have the same father who happens to be a deadbeat. My brother, who is 20, just met his biological family. He’s an outstanding young man who’s on full scholarshp, is well spoken and is well mannered. Given these attributes, the only thing that impressed his new-found family was that he doesn’t have any kids! My parents have him on a strict plan and provided (and still do) him with an endless supply of condoms. No, they don’t want him sleeping with every Jane, Kim, and Sally but pregnancy and STD’s are a harsh reality.

  10. FAMUAce says:

    The statement regarding breeding may be the most spot on in this article. I actually think that there is a concerted effort to create a permanent underclass in this country through the prohibition of real sexual education in this country. Like GD stated, poor folks are more likely to fall into the trap of teen pregnancy and more than likely remain in a never ending cycle of poverty. I personally believe that real sex ed should be taught in schools (especially since the majority of parents are too chicken isht to discuss it) and condoms should be freely available to students. There is this misconception that there is more enticement to have sex if condoms are freely available, but folks are screwing with or without rubbers being available. Newsflash…folks have been screwing at a young age since time immemorial — at least we have legitimate ways to prevent STDs and unexpected pregnancies now. This religious zeal and ignorance in our community will ensure its ultimate destruction.

  11. Monica says:

    Absentee fathers are one of the reasons so many young women end up having sex at an early age and I’m quite shocked no one has mentioned it sooner. Think about it, there are girls in our community who have never received a platonic hug or peck on the cheek because there were no fathers and uncles around to give them “non-sexual” male attention. Sadly, these young women and girls are having sex not because “they have needs” but because they are giving themselves in return for male affection and attention. Even sadder girls are having babies to have someone to love them unconditionally.Add to that, there are places (like my hometown in rural Alabama) where there is really nothing to do but to have sex. No after-school jobs, no public transportation to take you other places, no cinemas, no recreational centers, organized activities like softball and basketball are only available to you if you have a car (forget track, soccer, karate or ballet). Reading a book is easy and cheap but sex is free.In my opinion, the sociological and economic factors play a more significant role than lack of sexual education or our music or movies.

  12. nicole says:

    oh my god, this was ridiculously on point!! i want to send this to all of my cousins and brother and say "see, there’s nothing wrong with not getting knocked up before i’m financially and emotionally ready!" that last paragraph was perfection because i feel like i’ve been saying it over and over since i made it out of high school without a kid…PREACH!

  13. So longer knows says:

    Fear of herpes is the beginning of wisdom, my friends. No need to have the big talk – just show ’em some choice pics of actual stds like my mom did me ! That’ll make em howl for condoms or shut up shop real quick!

  14. Court says:

    "There is a confusing crudeness in how many blacks view sexuality. …Very few people are acting from a place of maturity and confidence, not in themselves or their sexuality." -Black SnobI’m not so sure about this. How did you come to this, who did you poll, and how was this summary determined. It seems like a very big assumption youre making on my part and the part of "many blacks" (or do you place me among the "few"). I also find that you’re substituting race (black issues) for class, income, and education issues (poverty issues). Furthermore, statistics are tricky for several reasons, a couple are: 1. Many people lie.2. Those more likely to be counted in certain statistics have to visit government hospitals or low income clinics where the statistics are collected. Those who can afford private doctors are much less likely to be reported and hence are not counted toward the national averages. Again, an issue of poor v. rich and not black v. white (as this seems to be). That being said, I readily agree that many blacks have a duplicitous way of regarding sex. However you are treating us like a monolith, assigning us with a self-concept that’s not rooted in evidence or fact and then you’re not properly addressing the other societal factors that play into it.

  15. JJ says:

    There are a couple things that also aren’t being discussed here:1. As those have already mentioned that many of these issues are class issues and not race issues. Given the high number of poor and working class people that are black those numbers are bound t be high…i you compare them to similar segments of other populations those numbers won’t be so divergent.2. No one has mentioned abortion. Plenty of middle and upper class women of all races have been pregnant. They just have abortions. 3. Too many black women seem to think fertility issues don’t apply to them. While you may pride yourself on being childless at 25-30-35, etc. If being a mother is what you want then you need to make it a priority b/c eggs don’t last forever.On another note – there seems to be a major hypocrisy in the black community regarding single parenthood. If you adopt and single then you are an "unwed mother," but this by many is viewed as okay – though a woman choosing to have a child on her own not so much.Once again as G.D. pointed out it’s about viewing pregnancy as a moral failure and shaming those who have engaged in sexual activity.

  16. Ama-louise says:

    IT must be an american thing, i am from a caribbean background raised in the uk and well , most people sit down with their nippers (children) and talk at first about what makes men different from women. then at a later stage, about reproduction, then about emotional sex and why it’s best preserved for late teens and early twenties.

  17. The A says:

    Cosigning with GD & JJ & CourtThe situations you describe are not unique to blacks. There is a sizable group of teens that is sexually active in my city. They are diverse racially, economically and culturally. No, it’s not just the Americans either. These group of kids has been growing larger each year. Some have been doing things with each other since the fifth & sixth grade that would make Karrine Steffans blush and they ain’t shamed to text the pictures & videos to each other & post on social networking sites.and fear of disease doesn’t cut it with all these kids. Kids in general think they are indestructible. Besides, kids are generally apathetic and immature anyway.I believe expectations play the most influential role in preventing teen pregnancy & out of wedlock births. Your mom had clear expectations & alternative plans for you that came from a place of love and concern for your upward mobility. Too many parents do not.Simply put, kids with better things to do, do better things.

  18. David Wise says:

    Well, I’m almost 49 and I’ve managed to never get married nor have children, and I’m not gay and I’ve never been arrested. I got one over you, Skip. Hee, hee

  19. Honee Bee says:

    I find it disturbing yet suspicious how every bad and wrong thing that can have statistics, black people rate with the highest percentages. "Black children start sexual activity on average earlier than other children. In a study of inner city teens it was found that black girls average age of first sexual intercourse is around 13. The national average is 17. Black girls also have a higher rate of STDs than their counterparts. A recent study found that half of black teens between the ages of 14 to 19 were infected with some form of STD. For white teenagers it’s 20 percent."I just don’t agree with these statistics. I don’t claim to be a math genius, but how in the world can the minority have higher statistics in everything than the majority? In other words, if there are more white people in the world than black people, how can they honestly come up with these statistics? When I was the ages mentioned in the above paragraph, both the white kids and the black kids showcased the same sexual behavior. And in some instances, the white girls were waaaaay more advanced than the black girls when it came to sexual encounters. I think the results of most of these surveys are incorrect and adjusted to make it seem like black people are everything negative.

  20. polticallyincorrect says:

    We can tallkabout what black folks do and don’t do and class are whatever but the stats are there. We are the most affected by HIV, poverty, and there is nothing but a bunch of children of color in foster care. Black women love to boast at least I didn’t get an abortion, yet giving birth to the permanent underclass isn’t so noble either. Giving birth to children you can’t even raise with discipline so you hope and pray they can get in some charter school with a caring staff to raise them for you. Please, this article just points out the ugly truthBefore anyone gets defensive just remember all those poor single women with children at the Superdome during Katrina.

  21. jlac says:

    I don’t think Black Snob is saying this only happens to black ppl, I think she’s just speaking from the black perspective folks. And really, who cares whether or not white folks do it too, it doesn’t make it any less of a problem. I’m upset that when I walk around with my two nieces and nephew ppl automatically assume that they are my children. I’m upset that I learned about seat belt safety in high school instead of sex ed; I had to go pick up a book and learn on my own, but BELIEVE that most ppl aren’t that motivated. It’s a problem, not because of morality, because children shouldn’t be raising children. I’m 20 and I’ve been baby-sitting kids since I was 11…I have NO intention of having children anytime soon because I know how much of a responsibility they are. I love being healthy so I refuse to engage in reckless sex acts. However, I was lucky enough to grow up in an environment where education in all things was a must, and walking around with a baby as a teen was a Hell No. Tell ’em Snob. People need to think with their heads, not their genitals…and they could use a bit of help with this direction too.

  22. Honee Bee says:

    I just don’t believe it’s true that black people are the most affected by HIV and other statistics out there. Yeah, I know it doesn’t matter whether or not we are the most affected or not, but I think it’s wrong for these stats to be thrown around incorrectly. This gives everyone the wrong impression on what’s really going on in the black community and around the world. On the other hand, I guess there is no real way of getting the real stats considering most people lie and the fact it’s just better to make black people the culprit of everything negative.

  23. mycolina says:

    Thank you for this post. I have been saying forever that the absence of sex education has never stopped people from having sex. People didn’t just start having sex in the 80’s . It just makes them highly likely to do it wrong once they start. Your description of your childhood describes mine almost to a T. I still have not seen any of the Halloween/Friday the 13th/etc. movies and I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been to sleep overs. I think my mom and I first had the sex talk when I was 9 too.

  24. Monica says:

    "…doing sex wrong?…"Oh my lamb!! I think people are having sex correctly and that is the reason we are having so many teenage pregnancies. People have been sex and babies since the beginning of time without the sex and hygenic classes offered today. Indeed, people have always had martial guides (karma sutra and pillow books). But remember these guides were to be used in martial relations.I still think self-esteem classes are more important for girls without fathers in the home. It must be drilled into them that they are not sexual objects.

  25. Andrea says:

    "I can’t tell you how many people have been shocked that I don’t have kids. They’re always Black. It makes me crazy. When I try to tell them I can barely take care of myself, let alone another human being, they look at me like that has nothing to do with it." -GThis has been happening to me since I officially reached adulthood. Even people I haven’t met, but know my mother, have asked her how many kids do I have. Not IF, "how many." Several years ago, the ex-wife of my eldest, and 22 years older, brother asked me why I didn’t have any kids. I explained that I couldn’t even take care of myself and HAD to live with my mother, at the time, so why would I want to bring a kid into the world to live off my family or the government? Unlike most people who asked, she thought that was "smart" and "farsighted" of me. She was worried that I didn’t like kids. And most of the people I know believe that I don’t. Even my mother has said that it is "selfish" to not want to raise a child, even when you have NOTHING to offer as a parent!! But this is the same woman who lived in fear that someday I’d come home and tell her I was knocked-up, just like my much older sister who has a daughter 4 years older than me. Recently, when I tried to get government assistance with my medical expenses I was told that they couldn’t help me unless I got pregnant, then they’d have to. I thought and said, "That’s ridiculous!." And it made me wonder how many people listened to this advice and did something stupid and life-altering just to get medical treatment. Sometimes, it’s not just being raised in ignorance that determines if people have children out of wedlock, or in poverty. There’s a lot of outside pressure as well.

  26. spiderlgs says:

    I think we can be certain that HIV/AIDS statistics regarding African Americans are true. I don’t think it is meant to paint us in a bad light, facts are facts. While I understand the reticence to believe them, but I also think part of that is because African Americans are not likely to discuss their status. This makes it seem like no one has HIV/AIDS so how can these statistics be SO bad??? I realize that in my 6 degrees of separation I can’t think of ONE black person (who is not a public AIDS activist) that is positive. That is impossible. We are more hush hush about HIV/AIDS than sex… and that is what perpetuates the problem. I think that one thing that also increases the rates of unplanned pregnancy is our mistrust of doctors, which has its own historical roots. I have friends who don’t trust what the Pill can do to their body, despite decades of research, so they don’t have any regular means of birth control and when a condom isn’t there, well we know how that goes. I think that unplanned pregnancy should be akin to cholera or polio, given the types of education and contraceptive methods available now. My mother made it clear that getting pregnant was not an option. I saw the Miracle of Life when I was about 8 and watching the baby come out of the vagina was enough to scare me out of anything like having a baby. lol I think we have to have those conversations with our cousins, sisters, brothers, mentees, etc. because remember there are several states that outlaw the discussion of contraceptives in school, which then makes me question how comprehensive any sex ed can really be.

  27. Robert M says:

    This is such a good post I sent it in its entirety to JJP, FN, Black married w/ kids and others and no reponse yet. I don’t know where that plays in the equitte of the net but it is amazing there was not even a I’ll take a look. Sex and educations must not sell as common sense

  28. Honey Bee:

    I don’t claim to be a math genius, but how in the world can the minority have higher statistics in everything than the majority? In other words, if there are more white people in the world than black people, how can they honestly come up with these statistics?

    Real quick. Let’s say you have 75 white people and 12 black people. 14 of those white people are wearing red shirts. 6 of those black people are wearing red shirts. There may be more white people wearing red shirts in total, but half of all the black people are wearing red shirts; black people, in this example, are 2.5 times more likely to wear red shirts. When I was the ages mentioned in the above paragraph, both the white kids and the black kids showcased the same sexual behavior. And in some instances, the white girls were waaaaay more advanced than the black girls when it came to sexual encounters. I think the results of most of these surveys are incorrect and adjusted to make it seem like black people are everything negative.Anecdotes may inform the way we look at the world, but they’re sandtraps of back logic. so the white kids you grew up with were sexually advanced. what does that tell us about white kids? not much of anything, really. This is classic inductive reasoning: my friend is nice and is tall therefore all tall people are nice. the logic is silly and leaky, and it’s the same kind of logic on which stereotypes are built. It’s also, incidentally, the same kind of reasoning on which the original post is based.

  29. oci says:

    yes, monica, i agree with you wholeheartedly. addressing the lack of self-esteem for young people, males and females, is instrumental to getting this under control. i see it all the time where i work.

  30. Andrea says:

    @G.D.: According to the study, as it was reported on the evening news where I live, AA teen girls are more likely than any other group to have an std, but they never bothered to explain how that can be. You stated that the you believe the study is legitimate because of the much lower population of AA versus Whites. If the study is true, and I obviously doubt that it could be, who gave these AA teen girls the stds? It’s a well known fact that very few AA females (percentage wise) will give the time of day to a male who isn’t AA, due to the powerful anti-non-AA male indoctrination that begins at birth. And if they aren’t getting the stds from AA males — who were not mentioned (on the news anyway), then who? (And was the method of contraction even consensual?) I think it’s a reasonable question, and the fact that the stats were thrown out there without even alluding to this obvious question makes me suspicious of the study’s validity and purpose. Now keep in mind I’m referring to way the study was REPORTED. I didn’t read the actual study, most people haven’t. I think most folks hear or read about a study and either believe the stats or not, but they don’t bother to read the actual study for themselves, and the media counts on that fact. And this particular study makes very young AA females look like whores. And I suspect it is by design.

  31. Andrea:

    According to the study, as it was reported on the evening news where I live, AA teen girls are more likely than any other group to have an std, but they never bothered to explain how that can be. You stated that the you believe the study is legitimate because of the much lower population of AA versus Whites.

    I never said that I thought the study was legitimate; you may be confusing me with another commenter. (I was explaining to Honey Bee how percentages work.) I don’t think the study is illegitimate necessarily, but my bigger issue is the really lazy extrapolating that Snob has done here. As to the part about whether they "bothered to explain how that can be" — that’s not their job, really. Some studies do point to causes or correlations, but the reason the reaction was so different to the study was because it didn’t answer these questions. Some liberal commentators pointed to the failure of Bush-era abstinence education programs, while other conservatives pointed to dysfunctional black pathology (which, curiously, Snob dis as well with this post).

    It’s a well known fact that very few AA females (percentage wise) will give the time of day to a male who isn’t AA, due to the powerful anti-non-AA male indoctrination that begins at birth. And if they aren’t getting the stds from AA males — who were not mentioned (on the news anyway), then who? (And was the method of contraction even consensual?) I think it’s a reasonable question, and the fact that the stats were thrown out there without even alluding to this obvious question makes me suspicious of the study’s validity and purpose.

    I’m not following. Are you saying black males gave these girls these STD/I’s or are you saying that they didn’t? If you’re asking why those dudes haven’t been tested, it’s because the answer to that question defies a simple, convenient explanation (which is one of my big problems with the original post). For starters, the study Snob links to specifically dealt with four STD’s — the most common one by far was HPV. Men are much less likely to be tested for HPV, because women bear the brunt of its major symptoms (possible cervical cancer, etc.) It’s also worth pointing out that Merck, the company that manufactures the major HPV vaccine, Gardasil, encouraged this study to be done and its results to be released. Also, most of the sexual health resources are still allocated toward women, and women up and down the socioeconomic ladder are more likely to have had gynecological exams than men are likely to have had checkups; a study on women’s sexual health could be more conclusive because there’s more data available. And so on.

    Now keep in mind I’m referring to way the study was REPORTED. I didn’t read the actual study, most people haven’t. I think most folks hear or read about a study and either believe the stats or not, but they don’t bother to read the actual study for themselves, and the media counts on that fact. And this particular study makes very young AA females look like whores. And I suspect it is by design.

    But you just said you didn’t read the study, and you’re asserting that the whole thing is b.s. because you didn’t like what it found. How can you challenge its validity one way or the other?

  32. MissZ87 says:

    @honee bee..There is something to that. I always thought they meant the percentage was out of the total population of that race in America. Like it black people are 20 million, than the percentage was 10% of that. I do think many statistics are skewed.

  33. Andrea says:

    @G.D.: "But you just said you didn’t read the study, and you’re asserting that the whole thing is b.s. because you didn’t like what it found. How can you challenge its validity one way or the other?"I suspect the majority of people who have chosen to believe the study didn’t read it either. If that doesn’t negate their belief why should it negate my suspicion and doubt? "I’m not following. Are you saying black males gave these girls these STD/I’s or are you saying that they didn’t? If you’re asking why those dudes haven’t been tested, it’s because the answer to that question defies a simple, convenient explanation (which is one of my big problems with the original post). For starters, the study Snob links to specifically dealt with four STD’s — the most common one by far was HPV. Men are much less likely to be tested for HPV, because women bear the brunt of its major symptoms (possible cervical cancer, etc.) It’s also worth pointing out that Merck, the company that manufactures the major HPV vaccine, Gardasil, encouraged this study to be done and its results to be released. Also, most of the sexual health resources are still allocated toward women, and women up and down the socioeconomic ladder are more likely to have had gynecological exams than men are likely to have had checkups; a study on women’s sexual health could be more conclusive because there’s more data available. And so on."As far as who gave the girls an STD, I don’t know and apparently they don’t either, even though the law in most states require that you give the name of anyone you may have infected or been infected by, or at least that’s what I was told in a high school health class way back when. Also, the news report never specified HPV as the STD in question. Surprise! Surprise! In fact they made it sound as if AA teen girls were more likely to have EVERY STD, hence my suspicion.As far as the drug peddlers at Merck are concerned, they have billions of green reasons to lie and none to tell the truth. Besides, they wouldn’t be first drug company to rig a medical study to encourage widespread insurance coverage of their product, especially by Medicaid. It’s always better to pay for a shot now than cancer treatment later. "I never said that I thought the study was legitimate; you may be confusing me with another commenter. (I was explaining to Honey Bee how percentages work.) I don’t think the study is illegitimate necessarily, but my bigger issue is the really lazy extrapolating that Snob has done here.As to the part about whether they "bothered to explain how that can be" — that’s not their job, really. Some studies do point to causes or correlations, but the reason the reaction was so different to the study was because it didn’t answer these questions. Some liberal commentators pointed to the failure of Bush-era abstinence education programs, while other conservatives pointed to dysfunctional black pathology (which, curiously, Snob dis as well with this post). "I admit that I did ASSUME that you believed the study based on what you said to HoneyBee, I’m still a little suspicious. LOL. You say that it’s not the job of the news/journalists to clarify the studies they report on, but I think when the studies are racially biased and potentially divisive, they have a duty to clarify the nature of the study and how the so-called "facts" were determined. If they can’t be bothered to do so little then they may as well keep their traps shut altogether! ****BTW, sorry it took me so long to respond, but my heat sink died Sunday night.

  34. John D. says:

    Snob, your getting the same type criticism from many blacks that Bill Cosby did. He also tried to identify the problems of the black community and suggested it may be the result of behavior.

  35. Happy to Be Childless by Cory says:

    I am almost 40, and child-free by CHOICE. I made the decision at age 13 that I never wanted to have kids after watching girls in my age group wobble around like ducks, their bellies swollen, struggling through junior high school, being mocked by the friends of the boys that knocked them up. Oh, and the alleged fathers of course kicked the girls to the curb. To make sure I would never be subjected to an unwanted pregnancy, at 28 I permanently had my tubes burned shut…an irreversible procedure. The doctors tried their best to send me to a pschycology group beforehand, they claimed, to make sure ‘I understood the ramifications of what I was about to do.’ I told them to shut it, wasn’t interested, my decision was made, that I needed no other individual to instill in me what the "ramifications of such a procedure" would entail. I was told by them and family members I may decide on kids later. I told them to mind their goddamn business, mind THEIR kids and just do the procedure. So it did it. I got it done, and to this day I don’t regret it. I let men I potentially date know off the bat I don’t have kids, nor do I want any. And I’m wary of dating men with children: I usually don’t. If they’re near-grown or grown, fine. Small kids and teenagers, no because I don’t tolerate the drama involved with the mothers of these men’s children. And I don’t want to deal with kids having an issue with their dad dating me. This includes grown kids. Men with their genes already walking the earth have too much baggage. I prefer childless men, the bracket of men I usually date. When I host parties anyone coming is told upfront not to bring their children. I will not keep an eye on them, and I won’t be held accountable for children whose parents were too distracted to watch them. Simply put, kids are not welcome in my home during major functions. I visit friends and family and expect to see kids because they’re there. Likewise when they visit and bring their little ones to my humble abode, no problem But, when I plan an event at my residence in which children are not welcome they know not to bring them.It amuses me to no end how people will judge you with endless abandon as to why you should have children. I have several favorites, and have a response for each one:- The religious ones who tell me this: "It is your God-given duty to bring life into the world." Or, "God said ‘Be fruitful and multiply". Because I am female, I should pop a human being into this world, just so I can declare I accomplished it. I accomplished it because it was God’s will for me (as a woman). Inevitably, I proceed to neglect /resent /hate the child and abuse it. Why? Well because I never wanted motherhood in the first place. But that isn’t important- the important thing is I accomplished the act of pregnancy and birth itself. Never mind the fact that I may turn on the kid because I didn’t want him or her in the first place, because I can always put it up for adoption. Show me in the Bible where God said to bring life into the world and then put it up for adoption for someone else to take care of. As the mother I’m expected to care for that child, an "honor" I never asked God for. All my life I was hounded with staying in school, get an education, blah, blah, and did it. I’m glad I did it. But, I then realized that in my 30s, I had the degree, had the career (which I adore), realized that my clock was ticking–as so many were quick to remind me. I watched women in my age group fret about rushing to married and start families. With biological alarm bells sounding, they then resorted to just rushing to have babies before their eggs shriveled up. To be sure, it was truly heartbreaking to watch because these women, like me, were being pressured to hurry up and produce after years of being led to believe that they could take their time. You know, that "we could have it all" attitude drilled into us by everyone. Many of these women were not picky by no means in their choices of husbands, but for whatever reasons, meeting that nice guy, hooking up, and then planning a wedding eluded them. Mainly because their jobs got in the way. Now, in their 30s like me, they were expected to suddenly get a man ‘just like that’, jump the broom and swell up with life now that they had the career thing going. And, if they failed to do all of this by their mid-30s, as many of them did, they were branded by society as a failure. Vilified by families as having FAILED to complete the ultimate goal that God had expected of them. It was their faults that they were not married and still childless by that point. Never mind the fact that explanations factored into their reasons for having not found a suitable mate. Men were in no rush to marry or have (more) kids. Or they cheated. In some cases, the woman DID have unreasonably high standards and turned potential lovers off, but more often than not this wasn’t the case from my sideline view. Finally out of desperation, I witnessed female buddies resorting to two-legged dogs so they could hurry up and pop the much-desired baby out. Regardless of how the father treated them, they had finally accomplished God’s will; they produced a baby. The fact that it was a bad relationship or marriage mattered little to their families. Other pals of mine chose the sperm clinic option, bypassing the need for men altogether, and were soundly slammed by their religious peers for it. Not only was it their fault that they were still unwed in their 30s, but if they chose to make babies through a sperm bank they were still sinning in the eyes of the Lord. For these unfortunate ladies, it was damnation either way. Sinner if you have no baby and if you do with no man, you sin still. And then there were the ones who could not have children for medical reasons. They simply couldn’t have kids. Period. When the Bible-lovers went on their rants about procreating through marriage I would ask: "So you’re saying that women who can’t have children at all don’t deserve to get married?" to which they would sputter: "They can always adopt." To which I’d respond: "The Bible doesn’t say be fruitful BY TAKING SOMEONE ELSE’S KID as your own. Nor does "multiply" mean to "adopt". And speaking of that famous biblical phrase, "Be fruitful and multiply" doesn’t translate into to "Be a dumbass and start making babies because you can". God also expects you to have sense to provide for the brat(s) you bring into this world. I love it when I encounter people with a herd of kids with them, clearly on government assistance, who throw this passage from the Holy Book at me. What I just wrote above this sentence is exactly what I retort back at them. I don’t care if you have one child or mimic the polygamists. Whether you go natural or through adoption, If YOU can afford them all then more power to you. Can’t afford to feed that many kids, then: -become a Catholic nun. -become a Catholic priest.-move to an island where there are no humans to have sexual contact with.-quit having sex. -abort it.-put it up for adoption.-get your organs fixed-go on birth control. I don’t care which of the above. Be fruitful and multiply doesn’t mean have a bunch of kids you obviously cannot afford to have/feed/nurture PROPERLY. The Bible lovers tend to shut up and leave me alone after this. Then there are the parents I perceive to be the ones who get annoyed that I have ability to come/go as I please, sleep when I choose, sleep in on my off days. I travel as I choose, when I choose without the worry of dragging some screaming toddler or an anal-retentive teenager in tow with me. The impression I get with this group is they are happy to be parents, while at the same time resentful of me as a non-parent because I don’t have the hassles of parenthood. A misery-loves-company-type scenario. "I’m miserable because I have kids and can
    ‘t do the things you do, therefore, you should suffer with me so you can see what parenthood for me is like". I think not. I don’t pick up other parent’s work schedules so that they can go tend to their hellions by leaving work early or coming to work late. My bosses and managers understood this from day one. There are times when my job demands me to work overtime and I’m fine with that because I am doing what I need to get done on myproject(s). Otherwise I have a set schedule I picked when I got hired, I do the time I agreed to do and I leave when my shift ends. I’m not interested in covering for coworkers because their kids are their lives. I have my own life with my own plans. As far as I’m concerned, they can either quit that job and find another or get day care. Again, if you can’t afford day care: DON’T HAVE KIDS. I am a singularity; my world revolves around me and not your decision to have children. This applies at my job. I will not cover overtime nor come in early because of your life-altering decision to have children. Maybe you detest your work arrangements, but I love my lifestyle. I chose it like you chose yours to include your children. I refuse to suffer for you because you chose to have YOUR children. So people do not ask me to baby sit because they know I will refuse. I baby sat ONE time for my sister and will never do so again. I made it clear to her, my other sisters and brothers never to ask me again to baby sit for them. From then on, they either must hire a baby sitter or find another family member to watch. Go ask a friend to watch them. I also made it clear to them years ago never to include me as a potential guardian for my nieces and nephews in the even that something should happen to them, God forbid. The entire family was told not to include me in any will where I am to finish the upbringing of any of them because I would not do it. I love my nieces and nephews, I will HELP them to the best of my ability, but I will not raise them. Of course my family viewed it as cold, but I call it honesty. "Well what if your parents want to be grandparents?". Well, they’re lucky because they have my siblings who have fulfilled those needs. Had I been an only child, then they would have been —- out of luck. Brutal honesty. "You owe your parents that." –no, I do not. I don’t owe my parents anything. Be sure of it, when/if my parents get to the point where they can no longer care for themselves I will certainly be there. Yes, they will be with me, not in a nursing home. I will care for them as a good daughter should. My parents are my life; I would die for them. But when people sling the "you owe them" at me my response is poisonous: "When you become a parent, you do what you are supposed to do, which is raise your child. That kid did not "ask" you to come into this world. Likewise I told my parents this at age 30 when they began hounding me over having kids because I "owed" them grandchildren. I owed them for all the years they cared for me, they said. They were my PARENTS. So excuse me, but I was not some microscopic egg inside my mother screaming to be turned into a baby, rooting for my father’s sperm to the home stretch. They made to choice to have me. They raised me. They were SUPPOSED to. That was their job. I owe them absolutely NOTHING for what they were SUPPOSED TO DO. I told them this and yes, it hurt them. They also learned of my surgery fix that day. Friends, strangers and family members all get told this; if you choose parenthood, it is your duty to raise that child. Understand that while children love their parents and do anything for them (and they rightfully should), that child does not "owe" you for doing the job required of you as a parent. This ridiculous notion reminds me of a song I heard on one of those infomercials. I’ve no idea who sings it but it was equally ridiculous. I believe the track title was "No Charge". After the narrator hails with the words "..Including the touching song by (so-n-so) this sister sings: "For the nine months I carried you/ growing inside me/ no charge."What the ***&^****???????!You CHOSE pregnancy and carried the baby and you bay like that person had an honor to be carried around in you free of charge? It was as if you have the right to charge the kid rent for living inside you but you chose not to, because you loved it so much that it was morally wrong to do so? Are you kidding me? This song was/still is supposed to be a "moving" song. I laughed my ass off when I heard it. Even in those days, songs broadcasted the various levels of stupidity people are capable of. I like the shape of my body. I have no desire to have one baby and then blow up all over the place. No matter what I do I can’t lose that weight without resorting to plastic surgery. No thanks. I like not having to deal with a screaming tot in a store while people look on with glares, wondering what I will do to shut the kid up, and if I make the wrong move, I risk having the cops called on me. If I fail to act, I risk the wrath of some jerk deciding to "correct" my kid for me (who then would have to deal with me). I love not having to worry about the government telling me how to raise my child. I love knowing I will never have to deal with a rebellious teenager who may kill me because I said no to him. Or join a gang. Or grow up disrespecting women, or turn into a slut whoring it up with everyone in town. No matter how I raise him or her, he/she may still turn into a serial killer. I don’t want that on my conscience, knowing that my child murdered people or bullied someone else’s kid at school. I love my freedoms and doing what I do, when I want to do it without being bogged down with a baby. As for who will take care of me in my golden years: I already have that planned out. Started saving early in life for it. And I already made my request clear to the Almighty: if at 70, 80, or 90 I can no longer take care of myself, then I don’t want to live that long. PERIOD. I’d rather have a short and grand life than be elderly and mistreated, or elderly and not able to care for myself. I’m saying that people who choose to have children, be it intentional or by accident (unwanted pregnancy) are living their lives as they see fit. And I laud them for it if they’re happy with it. I’m happy being childless. Just as people want children, others don’t want them. I don’t "hate" children but I have no "love" for kids. I just don’t. I never did. Kids and I don’t mix which is why I chose a profession in which I don’t have to deal with them. Every body is not cut out to be a parent; I’m one of them and I wear it proudly with no apology.

  36. crazy idea i know but how do u think credit cruch affected porn?Check out my latest blog : [url=http://killergram-girl.blogspot.com/2009/11/killergram-beauty-angelique-talk-dirty.html]killergram[/url]

  37. Calpurnia says:

    It s sad that religious peo’ple dont talk about this BUT some churches do. they go into the bible and talk about how the people of Corinth were f****** prostitutes and such and what not to do. I think trusting your sexuallity to a condom is risky today, the diseases are just too bad. Were not in the 20th century anymore. everyone is at risk unless theyre virgins or married and not have spouses cheat and give you HPV and other stuff. Kids need to listen; but did we?! We’re the ones who made it bad, they just made it worse.

  38. Gooddaysir!!! says:

    Umm booooooo! I can't stand a woman past childbearing prime, that acts like it was a GREAT TASK for her not to have kids. I'm 26, married4 years, with a three year old. Having children is a gift. Even if we want to hold ourselves to white America's standards that we never fit… Or are purposely set up to NEVER FIT, even if u can't find a man to marry you, some women and men still find love and make babies in the midst of it all. Honestly women like you seem selfish and uptight and insecure. Why are all you and your sisters so old and don't have kids? Are either of you married? A woman with no kids is a kid in my eyes… I'm not condoning unidealogical circumstances for having kids. But there's nothing wrong with having them either. Women who want a COOKIE for not having a baby make me sick. You are soft. I love children and I love mothers… There are women AND CHILDREN all over the world who have babies… Leave them alone. Sexual revolution should really be focused around choice and freedom and educating… Not damning for being a mother. U suck for this. Women need to stick together. I hope u have a baby one day and I'm sure your point of. View will change… Ur tone is so snotty… I guess you are a snob. What does u Not having kids have to do with a revolution? Go volunteer at a high school and pass out condoms or something. Stop being so self righteous about being barren. Lol. Taking all those pills and hormones is not good for u.

  39. Gooddaysir!!! says:

    I just told my PREGNANT sister about you and we both agreed that only two types of women don't have children… Loney dry no man ever WANTED to impregnate you women a la oprah…And professional whores a la Kim k. Now we all know Oprah Is a dyke. But I was watching her show one day and she said something stupid about not having kids…. Just cuz a man will bone u doesn't mean he was wanting to create life with you. While I'm sure u have sex u don't remind me of the Kim k type… I'm just saying nature is stronger than u and when it calls babies are conceived. Me and my husband were getting it all the way in… And he got me pregnant on PURPOSE. How about our sexual revolution start with bringing to light the facet that most of OUR people's ignorance and misinformation of sex comes from Christian views on life? And about how smart succcessful black people (like u) take pride in the fact that they disassociate from creating strong black units such as ummm ……idk FAMILIES??? Don't talk about it be about it. Have a baby and teach her how ur mom taught you 🙂 that would help much more than ur judgement on people who aren't as fortunate as you… Get married first though…. Or is that the real problem?

  40. Danielle Belton says:

    @ GooddaysirNormally, I wouldn't respond because I wrote this post over two years ago … but you are aware that this post is about teen out of wedlock births and promiscuity without understanding the consequences of it — not what adults or married people do, and that I wrote this because I wanted people to make better family planning decisions so there would be more children born within healthy families with adults who have the ability to care for them.It's about better family planning … not never having any kids at all. The only purpose of this post when it was written was to illustrate that if you use proper family planning and get married before having kids you and your kids will likely be better off.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s