FashionSnob, PopCulturalist

Letters from Luvvie: Dear Solange (Guest Blogger)

By Luvvie

Solange’s new haircut has been all the hype to the point where it was #3 Trending Topic on Twitter. Folks talked about her hair more than they discussed the Iran Elections & Obama’s new healthcare plan. Sad? Definitely. Entertaining? Absolutely. So my letter is to Beyonce’s shadow Solange.

Dear Solange,

As of last week, I’m a new fan of yours. Yes, I’ve always thought you’ve tried way too hard to be president of the “I’m not Beyoncé” Club. You are indeed too extra at times and your fashion choices are often mad questionable. Sometimes, I wonder if you look in the mirror before you step out the house because you can’t possibly think those banana pants you wore were fierce. And the makeup… Plus, the entire Knowles Clan just don’t curl all the way over for me.

Oh wait. What was my show of support again? Ah yes…

More after the jump.

You recently cut off all your hair and mostly, you’ve gotten negative feedback from people. Folks have roasted you endlessly, relentlessly and oft times, hilariously. I even admit that I chuckled when someone said you now looked like Reggie Miller. Ok fine, I cackled loudly. I’m sure Papa Knowles is somewhere brushing his ‘stache and plotting the demise of Twitter for facilitating the roast of his dear Solo.

Even Soulja Boy & Bow Wow had the nerve to make fun of you. Until SouljaBoy stops looking like Spectacular Jr., he can’t clown you. And until Bow Wow can ride the grown folks’ coasters at 6 Flags Great America, he needs not roast anybody. Bofa’ them need two “FOOL SADDOWN” fitted caps.

When I first heard you cut your hair, I gave an instant side-eye because I thought you were following in LaLa, Cassie and Pon De Fo’head’s footsteps with that tacky shaved on the sides haircut. I know Foghorn Leghorn is somewhere PISSED at them for swagger jacking. But I saw your picture and said “WHEW!” Well, I’m here to say “Kudos, Solange. Effing Kudos.” I support your new haircut. As a short hair aficionado myself, who has kept my hair short for the last 9 years, I give you the thumbs up. I say everyone should go ultra short as least once in their lifetime. It can be easy to hide behind a busted hairhat, but if you can be cute with no hair to cover that huge forehead or that odd looking ear then you get mad props from me. No offense to those who are hairhat aficionados.

Everyone isn’t Halle Berry but everyone also doesn’t need to have hair down their back either. I think you look decent with the hair. You look identical to your son, Juelz now.

And I’ve taken it upon myself to give you unsolicited advise to ensure that your segzy isn’t compromised now that you have short hair.

  • Get a 100% boar bristle brush – will keep your kitchens in check and your hair neat
  • Keep a standing appointment at SuperCuts every 2 weeks so the back of your neck isn’t looking like Wolverine’s. Your lining shouldn’t be too tight though. You don’t want dudes being envious of your LINING game
  • Rock big earrings always so on those days you aren’t rocking a skirt, folks don’t address you by “Sir”

With these in mind, you can rock your short hair with confidence and fierceness (like I am in that pic. Yes I was feeling myself something se’ous). This new style makes you more interesting to me. Plus, when you clapped back on Twitter at everyone, you earned yourself a new fan. It gave me EVERYTHING!

Yours in new fan-dom,

LuvBucket

P.S. Just promise me you’ll never wear another Technicolor, shiny lycra onesie jumpsuit like this again. Kthxbai!

————–

Luvvie is a blogger from Chicago with a passion for rants. You can catch more of her randomosity at her eCribs Awesomely Luvvie and House of IG. She is also the co-creator of The Red Pump Project, an initiative to raise awareness on the impact of HIV/AIDS on women & girls.

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20 thoughts on “Letters from Luvvie: Dear Solange (Guest Blogger)

  1. I think it looks good too. I’m super jealous of women with nicely shaped skulls (mine= angled & lumpy instead of rounded and even) and hair-types that lend themselves to super short cuts (mine= thinnish baby-hair).

  2. You had to show the pic of the jumpsuit…couldn’t leave it the haircut, huh? Tina got to get a job and quit designer experimentation on her daughters.Love the post!

  3. d says:

    Not a bad look on Solange. I think I would like to see another half inch on her head. Like a TWA or something.The unsolicited advice is spot on. As a TWAer, I have a huge collection of earrings and feel naked when I leave the house without them. Except weekends. My weekends are jewelry and make-up free unless I’m going somewhere fancy.

  4. Zion says:

    I like Solange’s hair. I think it compliments her. Of course, you will hear from the self hating black folk who ONLY embrace certain features as beautiful. It’s not to say that you have to love your hair, but it’s amazing to me how some women can look extremely average and boring with long hair and are never called on it.

  5. Court says:

    Yikes @ that jumpsuit. Does she perform like this? If so good for her. But looking at her hairline, it might not have been a matter of choice. Alot of black women neglect their hair badly and then are forced to start over from scratch.

  6. queenie says:

    @least she had the nerve to do it —-some of u sistas don’t even kno what your hair texture is like (smh) i think solo looks decent. there is nothing wrong with your hair gurl, maybe u can talk "b" into letting some of the weave go (lol) as if that stuff looks real——-NOT!! i am proud of you solo and u jus gained another fan…………..

  7. Mellonee says:

    This is one of the funniest blogs that I’ve ever read! I had tears running from laughing. Being a natural woman for the last 7 years and going thru with the BC and rocking the TWA I applaud Solange for cutting her hair. I would like to see it shaped a little better and oiled but I’m just proud to see another sista rockin her natural hair. What bothers me most is when people say that natural hair doesn’t look good on everyone, but I beg to differ b/c how can something that was given to you naturally look bad on you? Just my opinion.

  8. Natasha says:

    I never got what the big deal is about cutting off your hair. It’s hair. It grows back. I do however understand the obsession with long hair which is the main reason why she is getting flack. I think she looks fine–hairline and all. At least she’s now distinguishable from the other "singers." The advice is great though. I don’t know how many times I was addressed as sir when I didn’t wear earrings or makeup to accompany the very short hair.

  9. lamh31 says:

    I could care less that she cut her hair, but what makes it interesting to me the fact that she always seems to be making these "I ain’t Beyonce" fashion choices and come out looking a mess. Here’s hoping she at least tries harder to rock this do like India Arie and Erykah Baud did for a while

  10. I really like your site, it’s well put together and has very clean feel. Great pictures and love all the articles on your site. Personally I have to agree with the other readers comments, I don’t see what the big deal is. Its hair and will grow back!

  11. This post was hilarious. I did the BC years ago and face all kinds of drama especially from my mom and her family. One uncle told me at Christmas dinner I needed to get a weave because my hair didn’t look good. Ruined my appetite. Anyway have been natural for over 10 years and never going back to the creamy crack. I don’t care about black people who have an issue with my hair. That’s on their self hating asses. Bow Wow is still around?

  12. Brandi says:

    I’m natural and her hair may take me some time to get used to it.It just seems dry. But, I’ll cut her some slack b/c she’s not walking the red carpet, she was minding her own business taking her son to school. Although I don’t love it, I applaud what she’s done. Outside of her quest to be the un-Beyonce, cutting off all of your hair is a very emotional and mental experience. It took me a while to realize tht hair is just something that grows out of your head, nothing more. Actually, she went TWA when she was pregnant with her son. There are picts somewhere in the net.

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