Some representative who’s name really isn’t worth mentioning is proposing a bill that would require that all future US presidential candidates supply a birth certificate proving they are a US citizen. He said it was just about enforcing the law … and dealing with “Birthers,” conspiracy theorist whackadoos who don’t believe the current president is a natural born citizen.
It doesn’t matter that you can get a copy of the man’s birth certificate or that the campaign released a copy during election 2008. It doesn’t matter that his mother was an American citizen and he was born in Hawaii, America’s 50th state. None of this matters to Birthers. Logical things like why would the Democratic Party pick someone with THAT HUGE OF A PROBLEM as their nominee? Or why Hillary Clinton wouldn’t say shizz about it during her down and dirty primary fight with Barack Obama? Or why John McCain and the RNC didn’t bring this up, if it were true, to save Johnny Mac’s dead-on-arrival campaign? Basically, the Birthers are saying everyone is stupid in America, but them. Including Republicans, the state of Hawaii, both Liberal, conservative and neutral media outlets, the United States government and … well, everyone. You. Me. Your dog. We’ve all be duped by some grand conspiracy.
I’m so bored with this brand of crazy. I’m not into conspiracy theories. I’m someone who believes that the most simple explanation is usually the true one. No, I don’t think George Bush and Dick Cheney shot down one of the hijacked planes on 9-11. Didn’t you notice how scared and confused as shit everyone was that day, including the executive branch? And no I don’t think all Jews got some letter telling them not to go to work the day the towers fell. Nope. And I don’t believe Bill and Hillary Clinton has assassination squads in Arkansas. And yeah, I think a lone-gunman killed Kennedy because that’s what whackadoos do. If someone tries to kill this president tomorrow it’ll be some lone whackadoo. Because a CONSPIRACY involves more than you and your imaginary friend Jodie Foster and the Secret Service has an easier time tracking groups of nut jobs than lone nut jobs. But hey, conspiracies are FUN, so why not believe them?
The closet thing to a “conspiracy” that I believe is the whole WTF that was Malcolm X’s and Robert Kennedy’s assassinations. Those things made no kinds of sense, still don’t. But that’s not really a “conspiracy,” that’s more me going “obviously there is something more to this that we will never, ever know.” Kind of like Rashomon, only with dead icons.
But back to the Birthers. There is nothing anyone could ever do or say that would satisfy these people because it’s not really about President Obama’s citizenship — it’s about how they feel they’ve “lost their country.” Which is AMAZING to me, considering they still live here and are free to spout their nonsense undisturbed by anyone. If you “lost your country” would you still be living in it? Wouldn’t you be enjoying your own personal exile in South Africa or something by now? Where’s the jackbooted thugs breaking down your doors branding you with the mark of the beast? I’m confused. It sounds like you’re still just lollygagging around, eating your Hot Pockets and sipping your Big Gulps living the Miller High Life?
It’s called an ELECTION, birthers! You’ll get to do it again in 2012. Nothing’s changed but your level of sanity!