Resident sports “Super Genius” Jason Whitlock made an attempt at “truth-tellin'” Monday by taking Serena Williams’ Wimbeldon win and using it as an excuse to rehash old mess about Williams being “overweight,” “a whiner,” “underachiever (!!!) and “like Paris Hilton (!!!!!!!!).”
He tries to save himself with the tired ol’ “You can call me unfair. You can even scream that I’m sexist …”
And all the people making excuses for Serena and rationalizing her failure to totally dominate women’s tennis are the very people uninterested in seeing women rise to a level of equality with men.
But we all know this is just code for “I’m about to say something so sexist that your head will pull a Linda Blair and pea soup will cover your monitors, but don’t bitch me out, ladies n’ gents! I’m just keepin’ it real … sexist!“
Whitlock goes on to spend much of the column talking about Williams’ “pumpkin booty” versus a much more preferred “onion booty,” discounting her 11 grand slam wins even though they equal that of one of the greatest female players of all time, and basically calling her out as a loser despite her penchant for winning.
He does this all under the guise that he’s just trying to say that Serena could be a better and more famous tennis player than she is. OK. Fine. You’re not the first or last to make this statement. But did you have to hinge that argument on paragraphs like these?
Think about it. At 5-foot-9, 145 pounds, Serena would be unstoppable on the court, on the cover of every magazine still in circulation and downloaded on the Internet three times more often than Anna Kournikova.
Instead, Serena is arguably pushing 175 pounds, content playing hard only in the major tournaments, happy to be photographed on dates with pro athletes and proud to serve as a role model for women with oversized back packs.
BBWs — Big Booty Women — do not write me angry e-mails. I’m only knocking Serena’s back pack because it’s preventing her from reaching her full potential as an athletic icon. I am not fundamentally opposed to junk in the trunk, although my preference is a stuffed onion over an oozing pumpkin.
(A stuffed onion is a booty so round and tight that it brings tears to your eyes).
One. Why the obsession with her ass? That ass just won Wimbeldon. That ass has endorsements. That ass is insanely wealthy and famous. That ass is the most feared ass in tennis. Yet it is the target of your argument? Her looks? If only Serena looked better? If only she were less muscular and thinner? If only she were … she were … she were shaped like Anna Kournikova? I mean, you AT LEAST could have compared her to another black woman or her sister. But the no talent, tennis hack Kournikova who NEVER won a major? Who’s best known for just being tall, blonde and hot? Priorities Whitlock. Do you want Serena to dominate tennis or dominate you in your bedroom? Get over her ass. Seriously.
Two. Get used to the ass because it ain’t going anywhere. And I could be wrong, but I think more than a few folks like it just the way it is.
But the biggest offense is that he compares her to sex tape famous, fake hair shilling, richie rich, priveleged princess, Paris Oh My Fucking God Hilton.
Right now I’d put on Serena on par with Paris Hilton. I know that’s harsh. Serena’s accomplishments are far more substantive than Hilton’s. But Paris Hilton doesn’t have one discernible skill (that I can publish in this column without earning it an R rating). Hilton’s monumental overachievement is her accomplishment of becoming a celebrity.
Yet, you compared them anyway. Bravo, super genius!
What kills me the most about this article is that it claims that any detractors simply don’t want women’s tennis to succeed. You see? I’m the sexist in Whitlock’s eyes because I accept Serena for who she is and respect the choices she has made as a person and as an athlete. Because I judge her by her skill and do not hold her to superficial beauty standards or bemoan a tall, athletic Amazonian being around 160lbs …. which is NORMAL for someone that frickin’ tall. She’s not a supermodel. She is not an actress. She is not part of the “professional pretty class.” Her job is tennis and she kicks ass. You can complain that she may not kick enough ass for a plethora of reasons, but the minute you make the argument more about the outside and less about the inside you have lost the argument with me.
Sadly, I doubt Whitlock wrote this because he is a “fan” of Serena’s as he claims to be. More likely he is playing the role of drama king, trying to drum up some page hits for his column by saying some uncouth bastardish shit. Well, I say, let him have them, or let him have at it, ladies and gentleman. After you’re finished debating this on my blog, feel free to wander over to Whitlock’s and give him the comments he so deserves.