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Sarah Palin Quits Alaska (O RLY?)

Sarah Palin announced Friday in the worst executed Friday news dump ever that she is stepping down from her governorship almost immediately, “in a few weeks” up in the frozen tundra of Alaska. Aside from my general reaction of whatthefuckjusthappend I have to say, oh REALLY, Palinator? You’re quitting Alaska.

O RLY?

Oh really, Sarah Palin. You’re quitting Alaska. The best job you’ve ever had? For what? 2012? Can you count? Did you know that you still have two and a half years to prepare? And I know you don’t give a shit about preparation, so don’t try to tell me your going to spend this time memorizing former Soviet satellite states.

More after the jump.

And if I had to guess which governor was going to bail on their state on a Friday news dump I would have gone with South Carolina poon hound Mark Sanford. But this was a welcomed treat! Fiddle-dee-dee! What on earth could be the reason for this sudden, erratic, borderline batshit insane move?

Leaving office at the end of the month, the former vice presidential hopeful will be able to travel the country more freely without facing the sort of repeated ethics inquiries she’s been fending off since returning to Alaska earlier this year.

In making her announcement, Palin spoke directly to those inquiries, saying she wouldn’t stand by as taxpayer money was spent to investigate her.

Speaking outside of her home with Lake Lucille in the background, Palin derided the “superficial political bloodsport” that has been aimed at her since rocketing into fame last summer. (Politico)

Um … OK. Because people keep asking you to stay at home and RUN YOUR STATE you’re quitting. In the middle of your term. And in “a few weeks.” O RLY?

While I can believe you’re so thin-skinned that media scrutiny and legislative inquires could usher you out of office, that still makes absolutely no sense considering most politicians with presidential aspirations hold on to power by all means. What gives? Was it the Vanity Fair piece that made you sound crazy pants or the emails CBS got that made you sound crazy pants? Or is some gigantic, ugly, yet highly entertaining Naughty Monkey shoe of controversy about to drop on us all? Because, really, you only quit when you’re caught, right? I refuse to believe this is some “genius” political move here because it is so not genius that it is the correctional shoes and over-sized helmet of political moves.

Without the governorship, you’re just some woman who gets into really public fights with people. And did you really NEED more drama? You’re already five different Lifetime Movies of the Week! All you need to do is have a torrid affair with Mark Sanford and the universe will collapse in on itself, swallowing the Republican Party into a black hole of WTF-ness.

So … any guesses on what shizz is about to hit the fan that would send Sarah Barracuda running for the hills? Other than this is a stupid ploy to free her up for more fights with David Letterman? I want to say stupid ploy, but I’m crossing my fingers for she’s schtupping an ice trucker!

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28 thoughts on “Sarah Palin Quits Alaska (O RLY?)

  1. "Without the governorship, you’re just some woman who gets into really public fights with people."LOL! Now when she gets into shoving matches w/other women in the parking lot at the supermarket it totally will not be ok.(I just made that example up, but that sentence reminded me of the klassy white folks from my home town who like to engage in public brawling from time to time.)

  2. d says:

    woohoo! I love when the O RYL owl makes an appearance.Naughty monkey shoe is officially part of my vocabulary now…

  3. dukedraven says:

    Now they’re speculating that she has a bun in the oven. I find this hard to believe. Maybe she just wants her political freedom and a way to make some big cash.

  4. Lady M says:

    Lame move, Palin. But is it too much to hope for her disappearing off the face of the Earth and going away forever? … Naahhhh. Sounds too good to be true.

  5. Molly says:

    Seriously, yes, what is up? It can’t be a 2012 thing; her resume’s already thin enough to slice bread; being a governor with an "international border" is her only remotely real qualification.And yet I don’t know that it’s a good strategy if something is about to come out, since we’re all talking about her now and—I don’t know about you—I *had* been trying to forget she ever existed. Now that she’s resigning in such a weird fashion, every journalist with airmiles will be up in Anchorage looking for dirt.I suppose whatever it is would have dragged/will drag her into the spotlight anyway. But why stir things up twice?She’s an odd duck, and no mistaking it. (Oh, yeah, and she’s also a misogynist, fascist, racist wingnut—but who’s counting?)

  6. Zion says:

    As my grandmother use to say, "You can’t make chicken salad from sh*t." You can chew it, you can pretend as if it doesn’t smell, but when you attempt to swallow it, you can’t deny that something is wrong.

  7. I watched the press conferece, and realized that she STILL hasn’t been taught English. Without the governorship, you’re just some woman who gets into really public fights with people.BWA HA HA HA HA HA

  8. Monie says:

    This is about money. Being governor was getting in the way of all the speaking engagements. She’ll have time now to go and make all that money without having to worry about that darned annoying job back in Alaska.

  9. Megavore says:

    Just stumbled across your blog looking for info on Palin quitting. Funny stuff, DB. She wanted to be an ESPN Sports Center personality. But my guess is that Fox News has to be part of this, somehow. One way, or another, Sarah Palin is going to end up on the Fox Network, mark my words!

  10. angee says:

    IRS and criminal problems. She is leaving office before she is impeached. From my understanding if she leaves now she will be able to keep her pension. After the trial, no pension.To make a long story short, ms. sarah is in deep doodoo!Here’s a link:http://www.bradblog.com/?p=7280

  11. Daisy Kingston says:

    I know you don’t have the power to choose which types of ads appear on your blog, but what’s up with that donate to SARAHPAC ad to the right?

  12. d-empress says:

    Shes about to get in trouble for embezzlement. My mom thinks that is why Sanford came out about that affair b/c he is confessing to a lesser charge to cover up something bigger. So dont be suprised if Sanford suddenly resigns b/c there is a rumor in SC that he was in Argentina for reasons other than his mistress and it could get him in a lot of trouble.

  13. lonnie says:

    It’s all about the money for Sarah. She misses those expensive designer clothes. Maybe God closed the door when she was praying? Knowing how attention starved she is, this is not the last of her. GOD please make her fade away!

  14. suzie says:

    Sarah loves Alaska that’s why she quit? She is definitely looney tunes. There is an absence of logic here. She is true to form, a rambling idiot. So all Governors who are lame ducks are just milking their paychecks? Somebody should GAG HER so we don’t have to listen to her idiotic statements ever again.

  15. This makes no sense. I know she’s not smart but would she be so dumb to resign mid-term for no reason. Something is about to go down. She could have served her term, not run for re-election and still made a ton of money on Fox.

  16. khrish says:

    I want to know what’s about to hit the fan. This idiot doesn’t just quit because she loves Alaska. they are hiding something and I can hardly wait for the other shoe to fall. But even with the resignation speech she couldn’t stop talking. Couldn’t someone just write her a 2 sentence speech and move her along. She just runs on and on without saying anything, execpt the lie that her baby with Downs Syndone has been ridiculed. I must have missed that one. Anything Sarah doesn’t know she just makes up. Just like the emails said. Maybe she couldn’t stand the fact that ole numb nuts was getting more TV time in South Carolina. I hope she dissappears from the scene altogether. Bye Sarah!

  17. Spinster says:

    Goodbye Palin. Don’t let the door hit you where the good lord split you. And stay gone, please. No showing up on TV or in the next presidential running. Sit your ass in a corner and stay there. 😐

  18. starrie says:

    i just want to know who keeps filling this twit’s head with presidential aspirations? palin couldn’t even had a full term as governor of her own beloved state…i love how the repubs are imploding on themselves…

  19. LOL – just came across your blog and have to say I love the O RLY owl Danielle!!Conspiracy theories on Palin’s resignation are going beserk the world over – even as far as South Africa! Think you’d enjoy this lighter view on an interesting speculation about what Sarah’s higher calling may likely have been: Sarah Palin quits cartoon

  20. Wasn’t she trying to get a book deal but couldn’t accept it because the Constitution of Alaska prohibits the Governor from taking other jobs while holding office (and becoming an author would count as another job.) I wonder if she got woo-ed by the big dollar signs on those publishing company advances and decided it paid more to NOT hold political office.

  21. cathy says:

    I am with Monie, the Job is getting in the way of making money on on the speaking circuit… and the on the circuit she does not have to answer to anyone… and to think she could have been one heart attach away from president of the USA…. Scary.

  22. randomalaskan says:

    If Sarah would stop "Googling" her own name several times a day (which a staffer says she does) she wouldn’t be so upset all the time. The woman is so narcissistic she has to know what everyone is saying about her ALL the time. Some blogger in Texas "photoshopped" a certain celebrity’s head onto the child she was holding….maybe fifty people saw this before she made a big deal of it.As an Alaskan I wish she would slip back into the pond scum by her Wasilla home and get out of the public spotlight for good., Sadly, for all of us, this annoying mosquito in an up-do is not going away.

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