We’re All Gonna Die: North Korea Hates Hawaii Edition

So … North Korea wants to blow up some things. Again. Or, at least that’s what they’re screaming. I, personally, think this is just a shakedown for more cash. This is a country that can’t take a shit without China approving and I doubt China’s in the mood for nuclear war right off their border, not to mention the attack of their No. 1 consumer base. Someone has to buy their cheap shit. That someone is still us … even at our most financially strapped. Plus, it’s in no one’s best interest for us to go to war — with nukes — with the North Koreans.

More after the jump.

But they won’t shut up about it. Like threatening to blow up Hawaii on the Fourth of July. Really? Like one of those crappy rockets could even hit Hawaii if it were the size of Texas and a Wil-E-Coyote “X” drawn on it. I’m still more concerned for our friends in Japan and South Korea who ARE in missile range. Yeah. They might not exactly hit Tokyo. But he could get close and hit SOMETHING off that island. And do we really want to real energize Japan’s currently dormant but always lingering military spirit? Don’t we remember the last time they were pissed off? That went REAL well. The Japanese are known for their efficiency and post WWII they’ve channeled that efficiency into business, tourism, culture and loads of electronics. Do we REALLY want the same folks who invented the highly addictive Nintendo Wii back to making killing machines? Because if anyone can retrofit their country to do massive damage to North Korea, it’s the Japanese. They’re pacifists now. But they’re pacifists you don’t want to fuck with.

As for South Korea, they live on current “We’re All Gonna Die” alert being they are within crappy missile range and would get hit and we could do little to stop it if the Kim Jong Il clan came through with those threats. And that’s the ugly truth. If NK decided to reignite the Korean War we couldn’t do much to stop it. We’re in a reactionary position on this as we’re currently mired in two wars, an economic crisis and a ton of other problems.

Personally, I’m shocked Japan hasn’t started, Israel-style, threatening to go solo on taking out NK’s nukes. (Again, they are pacifists you don’t want to piss off.) Israel has pretty much told us that if we won’t take care of Iran’s nuclear issues, they’re willing to figure out some way to do it with or without us. That’s just how Israel roles. On permanent offense. But the problem with NK is that they already have nuclear weapons and aren’t just in the process of building a reactor. The fission genie is out of the bottle and there’s no guarantee anyone could get all the alleged nuclear sites before Pyongyang launches a hot one right for Seoul and wipes a few million people off the map.

Again, I don’t see NK doing a durn thing because I’m pretty sure they want cash, not war. But considering anything and everything that could happen last week happened (from violence in Tehran to Michael Jackson dying), I wouldn’t put anything past a bunch of megalomaniacal jingoists we don’t understand up in Pyongyang.

5 thoughts on “We’re All Gonna Die: North Korea Hates Hawaii Edition

  1. I’m sure Japan would violate its treaty terms with the US if it started militarizing again, even when facing a threat. North Korean’s actions are a little bit of this and that. Ego, cash and just plain crazytown politics.

  2. Agreed–crazytown local lunacy. And Japan doesn’t want to re militarize–as he only nation on earth to ever have been NUKED, for real. The money folks don’t want to spend on defense. Arguably that’s why their economy has been dominat for so long., despite boom and bust phases. The liberals don’t want a return to the bushido code weirdness of the last three centuries prior to WWII. But if N Korea gets nastier, they just might. And the Japanese think of Korea period the way we (as the USA not black folks) think of Mexico, historically.Nevertheless you are right about China (and Russia for that matter). They will chill these fools out at some point. But of course they want leverage on us too. It’s like high school…

  3. "Like one of those crappy rockets could even hit Hawaii if it were the size of Texas and a Wil-E-Coyote "X" drawn on it."Y’know, we could always move that "X" back on to N. Korea. I’m sure their rockets are made by Acme.

  4. Despite Japan’s treaty’s with us, having know what it’s like to be nuked, they certainly can claim a soverign right to protct themselves and re arm. I think the Japanese nowadays are much more likely to handle NK and go back to making money. Japan doesn’t really NEED our money, its worth less than theirs.

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