Tales From A Multi-Culti Life

Years ago when I was still living in California I was having lunch with a “black-curious” friend of mine. I say “black-curious” as unlike my other non-black friends she had some weird psycho-sexual obsession with black people.

At the time, I’d brushed it aside as a mild curiosity, but that lunch really put into perspective the difference between someone fascinated with black culture and someone who just really wants to fuck a black person so bad they can taste it.

I should have known something was wrong early on when I noticed this friend could not say no to a black man, any black man, it seemed. Not her trainer. Not her borderline verbally abusive friend. Not the strangers she met on the street. This was a woman who was otherwise assertive and all too in control of her life. So I was shocked when I would learn of how she would pretty much let a guy disrespect her if he happened to also be black.

Then came that conversation about the first time she went to Washington, D.C.

FRIEND: I got off the bus and I saw all these beautiful black men EVERYWHERE! They were all so gorgeous.

ME: Mmm hmm.

FRIEND: I mean, their long, sinewy muscles and white teeth and God damn, black men are gorgeous. Don’t you think they are just beautiful?

At this point, it all clicked for me what she was doing, and I gave her the following response.

ME: Well, yes, but I mean, my dad is a black man and so are my uncles and cousins and friends. Black men are just men to me.

I wanted to add “AND NOT MAGICAL SEXUAL BEASTS!” But I didn’t. Between Hottentot Vensuses and Big Black Mandigo Bucks, I just didn’t feel like going down black hyper-sexuality lane with her no matter how much she wanted to go there. It goes without saying we fell out of touch and I don’t think she ever figured out my point. That I’m a person, not the personification of your sexual taboos and fantasies.

Keep it in the pants, please.

Do you have a good story, a funny story, a sad story, a bad story about life in a multicultural world? Share it with us on The Snob! Just email your tale at blacksnob@gmail.com.

8 thoughts on “Tales From A Multi-Culti Life

  1. Wow. People really do live in their own fantasies. I knew a guy who was obsessed with Asian girls – he just thought all of them were hot, sweet, demure, and submissive – I mean he really thought this fantasy was reality. He finally did a student exchange to Hawaii where there’s a large Asian population and Lo and Behold he found out that Asian women are HUMAN!!

  2. Damn it, now I’ll have that line from the movie "Blazing Saddles" playing over and over again in my head -"It’s twoo, it’s twoo, it’s twoo, IT’S TWOOOO!"

  3. Beautiful Snob,I sure like your site and writing. The “other” stuff, that is. See, I’ve lived long enough to know that most times (about 99%+) someone they say they “want Dialogue” about “race matters”, that ain’t what happens. The idea of a “multi-cultural discussion” sounds all nice and squishy, but that’s not what’s really wanted. Ever really (like in Really) seen one be different? They’re all almost exclusively people putting forth their already preconceived, predetermined views; at ever increasing Volume. Ya just yell louder to “get your point across”. I have, uh, like a life to live instead. If (as in always) people aren’t interested in communication, heck I’d rather go for a run, cook diner for the kiddie’s, listen to some old Funkadelic albums (vinyl?!), geez, about anything else. I just LOVE your snark and the perspectives, on any subject; but race. Call it “White Privilege”, but that ish wears me out, lol. But … but, something about about this here topic and ‘take’, on the woman’s views has prompted a “try” across the Great Divide. Tentatively. Oh, so tentatively.May I tactfully, politely, in good faith, Yell FOUL! RED CARD! RED CARD! RED CARD! (Anybody else play soccer?). Yes, Missy had somekinda views, we can agree on that. Better question would be WHY? Isn’t there a very distinct difference between what might be unfairly, unjustly thrust upon people verse what THEY THEMSELVES PROMOTE? I’d more than agree with the total rejection of outside entities trying to tell you what you are! That almost in-and-of-itself could categorize the concept of racist thought; tellin’ others you’ve never known at all what they are all about. Given. Agreed. Settled.But what about when it’s what you say about YOURSELF? See, I’ve got enough conscious memory in my own life to know that the modern black male HIMSELF has so over-promoted the idea of his All Conquering Sexual Prowess. From Blaxploitation movies like Sweetback’s Badassss Song to today’s Rap/Hip Hop, just what is THE one overriding theme? Huh? Might I discreetly insert Black Male Sexual Power? Now, this is very different than the crazy Colonial ideas forced by white idiots with no understanding onto others they had no real knowledge of. I HOPE everybody rejects that crap! But, uh, isn’t this now BLACK MALES SAYING IT? When I can shove it forth, that from Bootsy Collin’s and “I’m Cum – ing At Ya” to, oh, I don’t know, pick any black male rap – hip hop song (will Lil’ Wayne’s “Lollipop” work?), aren’t I to believe that every woman just want’s to be super-charged by the Oh So Potent Black Male? Really, can you name me what ELSE they are sellin’? If you wanted to go quote some, idonno what it’d be, theWhiteStorm Front, the KKK or the GOP (note:joke), and they were sayin’ that crap, sure, go ahead and fully, completely call it out! But, uh, well here, we have it as a SELF-PROCLAIMED power. Geez, even ol’ “dukedraven”, first comment, plays right into it. So then, why shouldn’t she believe what black males say about themselves? Why you fault her so much for taking them at their word? If she isn’t to believe what they present THEMSELVES as, who you suggest she go ask then? Who we to believe? I know, I know, it’s all so ugly. I don’t like it either. I also am cognizant enough to know this can explode right into “If young black males present themselves as gangsta, thug, etc, why wouldn’t people take them at their own word and, uh, like be slightly leery of them?” Or, “If younger black females present themselves as hyper-sexual women (or should I just say any video ho?), isn’t that what they wish to portray about themselves?” Yep, goes downhill fast, don’t it? Wonder why I don’t like this stuff? It cuts to the core of some ugly ideas. Ones we all struggle to face, in it’s hardest place, inside our own mind.Dialogue? Maybe. But more likely it’ll go all “1831” and “Ancestral Memory” and go around in circles more than a 500 mile NASCAR (Registered Trademark) race.Or, if it’s just too much for the Editor, I get DisemVoweled, lol! (And THAT, I concede, was one ultimate “good one” in Snarkville).

  4. Wow, just happened upon this post and inhaled the wisdom of "Lite Bread." I'm champing at the bit, but here are a few holes:1.) The notion that self-deprecation is an excuse for stereotypes and generalizations is a weak counter-argument. It's like saying slavery was okay because it was Africans who sold other Africans. And after all, as long as the slaves were "happy" no harm was really done and everyone should just get over it.2.) And why is everyone still talking about slavery, "I mean, with Obama, BET, and hip-hop, shouldn't you people just get over it?" But here's the problem with that: Obama was met with strong opposition the moment McCain conceded (why was there not a Tea Party during the Clinton or Carter administrations?)–he was even portrayed as a dead gorilla in the New York Post (when has that ever happened before?); BET is now owned by Viacom; and as you pointed out, hip-hop is chocked full of misogyny, violence, and hyper-sexualization. But this is progression, right?3.) You have basically done the very thing you accused the "editor" of doing. You have used your observations to support your argument. Who's right? You have also exposed your own subconscious pestilence.We might turned this into a discussion about the effects of racism on the human psyche, but you've already made that argument moot.

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