Ask Nia: Fighting the Fight and Father Issues

Ask Nia is The Black Snob’s weekly advice column. Here Nia Orms (and her multiple personalities) take on the problems that plague your lives. This week Nia(s) helps out a reader fighting pollution and The Snob’s own menfolks problems.

More after the jump.

Hi Nia,

Soy El Jibaro de Lytle Creek. So What, what’s that suppose to mean to you? Nothing much, but I have this issue that is over 20 years old and have not been successful moving it off the proverbial basement floor of information dissemination.

An existing incident where governance refuses to remove an identified toxic waste stream that is contaminating the watershed of San Bernardino Inland Empire residents.

Can you see yourself clear to take some time out and lend an old ugly Don Quijote of multi-racial background, a hand getting the information out that Governance is not going to remove/comply the 1993 lead Notice to Abate, of the Environmental Health Department. They are going to let nature take it’s course and weather the pollution back into mother earth as evidenced by their non activity. Nia, I am tired and I haven’t made one bit of improvement against these odds, Please help us, in any way you can. I would be satisfied with a comic parody of this serious situation.

El Jibaro de Lytle Creek

Robert T.


To: Robert

From: Josie Santiago

Okay Papi, this is what we will do. Meet me at Costco. We will go there, I have a membership so don’t worry about getting in, and we are going to buy a case of 20 bottles of water. We will go to your house and wash your body with the water from the bottles. Then we will take the empty bottles and go down to that toxic waste stream and fill all of the bottles with that water. I will bring a lighter and glue so we can seal the caps back on and then we will politely deliver a complimentary box of water along with some empanadas to the Environmental Health Department. Thank goodness Costco sells camcorders, because I will film the whole thing! They will be drinking the water and passing out in their florescent lit cubicles. Now that’s great cinema! Problem solved El Jibaro de Lytle Creek!

From: Nia

You have been fighting this war for too long and that may be the problem. You have to approach this situation with love because obviously the war is not working. There is a reason that you are in this environment with this issue. The reason may not be for you to make a change in the environment but to make a change in you. What has your experience with this toxic waste stream taught you? I know that it has made you able to easily spot and handle any other injustices, even if it is being overcharged at a restaurant. It has taught you that you are here to have preferences in all situations in your life and to not just sit and let other people control it. The key here is to include love and not war with this. There is too much focus on what they are not doing for you. You can never permanently control the behaviors of others. You can always control yourself. So change the way that you feel about this situation. Is there something that you know they could offer that would compensate for this issue that is bothering you? As long as you decide that it is going to be a war, it will be a war. We always get what is at the core of our intentions and beliefs. I don’t feel that you truly believe they will ever take care of this situation. I also don’t think they believe residents will move because of this situation. So you have a choice to make and life is so beautiful when we have choices. I say, go for the inspiration and the joy of it all. Have this situation make you feel good. It is stirring up desires and emotions in you. It is moving you in so many ways. It may even move your place of residence. Go for the pleasant, joyous, and inspiring aspects. You know what you do not want, so now go for what you do want.


To Nia:

They say men and women pursue partners who are similar (or the exact opposite) of their parents. I, with my need for affection and gregarious personality, am fatally drawn to men who are unable to express themselves emotionally. Most of the men I’ve seriously dated or loved have been some form of stoic and I have banged my head against the wall trying to get them to open up and express themselves to me. It’s a sort of delusional self-torture I engage in. I’ll meet a funny, talkative guy and make him my best friend, then go and pursue the silent, mystery man who may be benign or could be an obsessive, clingy, controlling ass.

When I meet a nice, smart guy who doesn’t talk, all I want to know is more. And he’s not telling. Which only makes me want him more and project upon him visions of a deep, ponderous thinker with a wealth of rich emotion inside. But, you see? That’s MY DAD. My father IS a deep, ponderous thinker, who underneath all his self-imposed stoicism is really emotional and that stoicism was created to supress his emotions, which run deep, passionate and high for my mother and sisters. Sure, we can go days without talking, but the minute we need him, or there’s a sign of trouble, or if he’s just wistful and remembering the love of his mother who died when he was a teen, the deep, emotional guy reveals himself.

But most of the guys I meet who don’t talk always turn out to be non-talkers because they honestly have nothing to say. Shallow is as deep as it goes.

The Snob

Read the rest of the post here.


To Danielle:

From: Paula Prisco

Are any of these men Italian? That may be the real issue here. You gotta get an Italian man who knows how to handle business in more ways than one, if you know what I sayin’ here. My husband was a fire fighter. I liked that because he was gone most of the time then he’d come around and take care of business. Who wants a man breathing on you all the time? I don’t care what man it is, your father, your husband, your brotha, stay away from them as much as possible. That’s what they do with us. You think they want to go look for designer purses at outlets with us on the weekends? No! Forget about it!

From: Nia

Don’t figure men out, figure them in. Do this with everyone. We can never get into someone’s thoughts and know what they are thinking and why they are feeling a certain way. In fact, it really isn’t any of our business. Our business is to try to have pleasure at all times. The only thought that we can know is true in any man or woman is that we desire pleasure. Pleasure is at the core of all of our hearts, it is all about love. Our fathers and mothers desire love and want to give love. Even the parents who didn’t treat us very well, all desire love but they let fear take over. I believe that there are only two pathways, fear or love. When we choose fear, love cannot enter. So always choose love with your father. Love could mean, staying away when you need to and at other times flooding him with appreciation. The beautiful thing is that you know how to communicate with your father unlike anyone else. Have fun with this. Test out his reactions to your love. It may make you laugh seeing this grown man have these wall of fear up at times, when you know all he really wants to do is be the best father and love you the way you desire. I know that you want emotional support from your father but let’s focus on what you can give. We should all try to give what it is that we want to receive. The men in your life, whether they are like your father or not, have helped you to create a vision of the perfect man for you. See him, focus on him and not the ones of the past. Remember, he will want things that you may not be aware of. He may even want you to wear your hair curly when you’ve just blown it out, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t love him.


Send your questions to, with the subject line marked “Ask Nia,” and ask away. This is no holds barred. Nia’s got a least one or two people on the brain who could tackle your woes. To learn more about Nia’s characters and her one-woman show, click here.

Copyright niaorms 2009

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