Hot Topics: Señor Baby Wipes Hearts Reagan while Kenya Asks the O Man “Where’s the Love?”

Hot Topics are so mental they’re on Depakote with a Klonopin chaser!

Terrence Howard loves him some Ronald Reagan. He sez he did great things for black people, but he doesn’t exactly elaborate. As for Obama? The Wipes Man is unimpressed!

He’s a black gay Army Vet and Harvard grad, running for Congress. All he has to do now is spit gold and shit rainbows and he’ll be the greatest minority unicorn to ever live.

Kenya’s asking Barack why-oh-why won’t he call them anymore? They want better relations, business ties, a hook-up. What’s the point in having a half-Kenyan American president if there’s no perks? But critics say Kenya only has itself to blame for the lack of affection.

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