Not-So-Secret Negroes and Things About Being Black You Hate

Yes! They’re back! By a LANDSLIDE!

Honestly, I stopped doing “Incognegro” because I got tired of being accused of being some colorist despite the fact that it seems all black people are fascinated to some degree with it. Oh well. I have a mandate now! Fifty-four percent. So either we all hate ourselves, or we enjoy going “OMG! I had no idea Carly Simon had some black in her! But look at that hair!” Yes. It is back.


(More after the jump)

I can’t believe you didn’t want Glitter back. No sparky ponies for you!Also, I get the impression you want to vent about your limits to blackness. (By 20 percent) I knew blackness was going through a rough patch when the “Blackest” of the Snob sisters was having a hard time relating to black people. Not BABY SNOB! She even still kind of listens to rap! Nooooooo! For the uninitiated, “Limits” is about voicing something, even a taboo about blackness that you hate, hate, hate putting up with and will do anything to avoid.

I won’t wear traditional West African dresses because …. I don’t know. I was born in the west and shit and I like blue jeans. My oldest sister thinks black music past 1990 sucks and listens only to Christian rock, some country and Metallica. And while I understand why people like Kwanza, I draw the line at me actually celebrating it. Sounds too much like how I spent every summer of my childhood with those Kunjufu books. Christmas, after all, is an international holiday not based on any race. I can’t help it if some folks here think they own the damn thing. Last time I checked Jesus was a Middle Eastern Jew.

The other three items are making it back by the slimmest of margins. So slim, I had to almost pick them myself. There will be a father’s day series (I’m bracing myself for constant waterworks now), like the mother’s series last year. We will continue to chronicle whatever Kanye West is wearing, because I too find it hilarious (and interesting). And DOOMED ROMANCE makes it in with five piddly votes.

This time, Doomed Romance will be a regular feature as I already have one in the hopper from a reader who found the series late and felt compelled to write. I’ll let you know when the deadlines are for Fathers and Doomed Romance II: Deader Than Ever.

That said, please use the comments to shout out actual and “suspect” incognegroes, odd pictures of Kanye in neat outfits and shit that annoys you about being black that you think I should write about!


54 thoughts on “Not-So-Secret Negroes and Things About Being Black You Hate

  1. Things I hate about being black:- Whites who insist on introducing me to every black man who comes in the office. Why is that? Did I say I was looking? They don’t do that to each other. – White co-workers who seemed surprised that I don’t know why a black co-worker didn’t come to work. I didn’t sleep with him/her last night. – Whites who seem surprised that: I’m "nice", have a nice house in a nice (black) neighborhood), own said house, didn’t grow up poor, my parents were married, my brothers didn’t have kids.- Whites who are surprised because my daughter is light and I’m dark. – Being the only black in the office and having white co-workers assume I’m uncomfortable. – Having to explain why February is Black History month. – Having to explain why we have BET, the NAACP Image Awards and other black award shows. – Black folks who say I’m pretty for a dark-skinned woman and think it’s a compliment. – Black folks who are say very proudly that they don’t employ other blacks. – Waking up everyday and listening to the media reports that blacks die early, often, have higher unemployment rates, school drop out rates, more out of wedlock babies, poorer health, AIDS, STDs, less marriages, higher divorce rates, and whatever else is negative. The emphasis is always on the negative. I feel blessed just to wake up. – Going into a store and having the sales clerk, follow me, assume I want lay-a-way. – Black folks who aren’t proud of being black. – Having to explain racism to your child.- Black folks questioning "how black" some other black person is. I call them the Black Police.- Black folks using racism as an excuse not to excel.- White folks questioning why black folks insist on buying black dolls for their girls. They really don’t get it. Generally when I ask them what color their kids dolls are, I don’t have to say anything else.

  2. I don't know if anyone has stated this yet, because I just started reading, but I couldn't wait. I HATE HATE HATE!!!!!!!!! (Did I mention I hate it?) when black people call me "Bougie" because I'm educated, like foreign films (YES! You do have to read!), want to live in Paris or Rome someday and grew up in the suburbs. Please DO NOT HATE because my parents, grandparents and ggparents knew the value of a dollar and worked, started businesses, hustled, and saved and built IN SPITE of slavery, Reconstruction and Jim Crow. From the time I was in high school until now, I get this; even from black folks who should know better. UGH!! Okay . . .I feel better now.

  3. 1. I hate having to explain the concept of "Black Hair" to non-blacks. 2. I hate hearing from new friends "You're different, you're not like them." 3. I hate white people trying to convince me that my experiences and opinions on racism must be fiction because none of the white people they know are racist. "I have Black friends!" they declare. Ha-rumph! 4. I hate having to do the "Black History Minute" to explain how black people may feel a certain way. It's as if white people don't know how to use Google when it comes to black people issues and like to put me in a awkward situation. I give up!

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