Vampire Features: They’ve Returned From the Dead

Remember when this site wasn’t wall-to-wall Obama? Wait. You don’t because that’s how most of you found the site. (Save you TJ lovers.) Well, I used to write about other things — some serious, some not. And, quite frankly, I’m no more interested in being a cheerleader than a cynic of the Administration. Naturally, if it’s newsworthy I’ll write about it with the usual level of seriousness and verve, but … I can’t believe I’m saying this … The Snob is all ‘Bamaed out.

Now some classic Snob features survived Obamania. (Google Stalking TJ Holmes and The Great Wall of Sexy, anyone?) Others are in the Snob Blog Graveyard. Well, they want to come back, but they need your help and your votes. So here they are! The Zombie features! The Walking Dead!

The Vampire posts looking for a second life until Barack invades something. Read the background, check out the links and vote in the poll!

The top five will be reinstated.

More after the jump!

“Incognegro” actor Coby Bell of “Third Watch” and “The Game.” He easily fall inoto the … “And what are you again?” catagory.Incognegro: A popular feature based on writing funny blurbs on anyone related to the archaic “one-drop rule.” This feature often starred folks people had no clue were black or part black. like actor Wentworth Miller, baller Grady Sizemore, guitarist Slash and actress Jennifer Beals. But it also featured the not-black-black-people, like Kimora Lee Simmons, Dwayne Johnson and others who had black features, but looked racially ambigious at times.The bit was meant to be funny although some, alas, never got the joke and it was passed over.

The Limits to Blackness: This was one for those times when things got even a little too “black” for black people. Like I won’t eat hot pickles, dance to Lil Wayne or watch “The Parkers.” This feature was a way for folks to blurt out those taboos they’d long held inside (“I hate fried chicken!”) without being accused of selling out.

Word of the day: Left over from my original entertainment column in Bakersfield I used to feature obscure, weird or made up words as the “word of the day.” I usually tied it to the news of the day or something relevant.

Black Conservatives on …: If you didn’t notice (because they don’t always comment) I have my fair share of black conservative readers. Most because of a piece I did on black conservative views on Obama. My goal was to focus on the issues and if they had merit more so that screaming “Black Republican! Stone him!” which actually won me the respect of some surprising individuals. (Even one who I’d bashed once in a different column.) But I doubt their opinions’ stop with the president.

Doomed Romance: Remember that one time we all got together and wrote our hearts out about how love totally bites? We laughed. We cried. We wondered what we were thinking? Wanna go there again?

Parents: Last time we did mothers and daughters in a series called “The Chip on My Shoulder Is a Boulder,” after writer Rebecca Walker famously wrote about her turbulent relationship with her mother, author Alice Walker. Should we dare and do one on fathers? Because if the mother one is any indication on what the father’s one could be like, this is going to be a three Kleenex box event.

Professionally Pretty People: Remember when I used to post pictures of famous people, but I stopped because … I don’t know, the never quite fit and you could see the same pictures on Bossip? Anyone miss those critiques? Anyone want them back, but in a different way?

Glitter N’ Chuckles Updates: I once tortured you all for more than a month with nothing but pictures of Nick Cannon (Chuckles) and his Bride of Ghettostein Mariah Carey (Glitter). And even though the whole thing was totes glitter and sparkle ponies you STILL complained. But some of ya’ll know you loved it.

Kanye West Fashion Updates: Just because.

And For No Reason At All: Usually a random image or person meant to inspire humor.

16 thoughts on “Vampire Features: They’ve Returned From the Dead

  1. I would like to see three features resurrected: Iconegro, Black Conservatives On…, and The Limits to Blackness. "The Limits to Blacknesss" would remind me that I am not alone in my dislike (more like disappointment) of BET. Also, as a vegetarian, my indifference towards fried chicken seems to bother other people. Pleeease bring this feature back from the dead. I neeedss ittssss…..I think "Black Conservatives On" would add to a well-rounded perspective on certain issues. I like to hear from both sides before forming an opinion and honestly, I’m too lazy to search for black conservative blogs. It would be nice to do some one-stop-shopping on The Black Snob. :PIMO posts about Glitter and Chuckles should be used like salt: sparingly.

  2. Here are my favorites in no particular order to resurrect: 1)Incognegro 2)Limits to Blackness 3) Black conservatives 4) Parents with a hard look at daddys (Yes, we know that in too many households daddy is missing in action,etc… so the good, the bad, and the ugly needs to be shared) 5) Glitter & Chuckles – take a look at another famous Negro couple that we have seen a tad bit too much of – let’s get a break from Mariah and Nick – Glitter is good when you need to take care of stuff but want black snob to keep going.

  3. I Love "incognegro"!!! But I would love to see a return of Limits of Blackness and Kanye West Fashion updates, as well.

  4. I would love to see come back in this order:Incognegro-i have great suggestions for thisBlack ConservativesLimits of blacknessGlitter & Chuckles

  5. You’ll probably have massive protests outside of Snob headquarters if you bring back the Glitter/Chuckles feature.

  6. @ AllWow! You all miss Glitter and Chuckles? ME TOO!!!!!!! They are the most Rainbow Brite of all the Sparkle Pony couples. Like TWICE the sparkle ponies of Halle and her boytoy.OK, OK. No Nick and Mariah. Maybe I’ll adopt WIll and Jada as my new couple to mock although Jada is no where near as tackilicious as Mimi. I love that kittens and Lisa Frank posters heifer.

  7. Is it me or did the "Parents" choice not make it to the poll? Iliked the series (helps that I contributed of course).

  8. Incognegro and Limits of Blackness. BTW, I am still trippin’ about Wentworth Miller. I’ve seen you refer to him as incognegro many times, but I thought you were just playing. I just did a little googling and my mouth is still wide open to know that he’s an quadroon or some such. Who knew? Snob knew.

  9. @ LolaYeah. Parents looks like it got accidentally dropped, but we’ll probably still do something for father’s day.

  10. IncognegroLimits to Blackness (I can’t believe you won’t eat hot pickes. I canned hot pickles last year)

  11. ok so NOT a multi-response poll….I like the limits of blackness & black conservatives, Incognegro, and the random thoughtsKanye: Matt & Trey slayed him. Kanye agrees. No need for further updates.Glitter is now old enough to be that tacky mom that dresses like she is still 13 and hits on all her daughter’s boyfriends.

  12. I discovered your site late last year. You’ve got to keep limit to blackness (genius). I thought I was the only person in the world that detested the usher/alicia song. You wouldn’t believe how much I berated myself for hating the song.P.S. I declare a fatwa on Glitter and Chuckles posts.

  13. Oh I voted but I thought I could pick more than one thing. Well if I had to pick all over again, I would pick the following: (notice I had only one choice but I’m giving you more…cause I don’t listen lol) Icognegro, Limits On Blackness, Kanye West’s Fashion Updates and Doomed Romance or Black Conservatives one. Gosh, you made this hard. Why did you have to present it so nicely? I’m so indecisive now.

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