EntertainmentSnob, PopCulturalist

Profiles In Sexy

Wall of Sexy alums: Denzel Washington (of course), Zoe Saldana, Daniel Henney and Sara Ramirez of Spamalot/Grey’s Anatomy fame.

As many of you know, the Great Wall of Sexy is in the process of being moved — slowly — over to a new site (possibly this one). For those who don’t know, the wall was created more than a year ago to highlight a variety of actors, actresses, models, entertainers, politicians, TV personalities and other famous-to-semi-famous people who are considered physically attractive for random-to-completely superficial reasons.

(More after the jump.)

While sometimes controversial, the wall has always been for “entertainment purposes only,” as a way to blow several hours of work staring at pictures of really, really good looking men and women of every nationality, arguing over whether or not these individuals are in fact “sexy,” then demanding to know where YOUR favorite sexy person is on the wall. (Chances are they’re there, but the wall is too massive and impossible to search through.)

In a “Rainbow Coalition of Hotness” the wall features everyone from your old favorites (Denzel, Hugh Jackman, etc.) to your youthful South Korean soap stars/underwear models (Daniel Henney! Everyone go squeeee all at once! He’s going to be in the new Wolverine movie! Yay!)

Until the “Sexy” gets its own home, let’s rehash some of the Wall’s Biggest Stars and get to going about who should go and who should stay and why so-and-so isn’t on the wall because I have no idea who this person is you’re talking about and now you must send me the pictures, etc., etc. on the new Great Wall of Sexy.

To kick things off I’ve chosen the Patron Saint of “The Great Wall of Sexy,” the actress I most wish I looked like … Jill Marie Jones … and a young, sexy upstart, Nate Parker.

NAME: Jill Marie Jones

TITLE: The Sexy Is Awesome

CLAIM-TO-FAME: Toni Childs of the TV show Girlfriends and a former Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader

WHY SHE’S ON THE WALL: Did you ever see a woman who you’re almost positive probably gets her way almost all the time simply by smiling really, really big? JMJ is that rare woman. What officer could ever give that grin a ticket except for being too damn sexy in a “no sexy” zone?

That’s why I beg of Hollywood — don’t hate JMJ because she’s BEAUTIFUL! (And funny and multi-talented and gorgeous and etc.!) Put her on a show. I’m not picky. ANY SHOW! And I’m talking to YOU, Shonda Rhimes. You owe me! I’ve stuck around on Grey’s loooong past when it was interesting. I promise you, I will watch.

I would watch shows I would never watch if Jones were on them. Like Night Rider. Or Two And A Half Men. Or Flashpoint. Or Desperate Housewives.

A matter of fact, Mark Cherry OWES me on Desperate Housewives for that awful second season when he gave Alfre Woodard that stupid “the people under the stairs” storyline. (Or should I say, person

under the stairs.) All sins can be forgiven if you move Jill in on Wisteria Lane and give her a super fine husband. And I’m not picky. (No TAYE! If “Private Practice” gets canceled you just stay dead, show killer! I don’t need your Daybreak/Kevin Hill bad luck cooties rubbing off on Jill!) Any of the relatively inexpensive “Morris Chestnut” clones will do. You know? Your Jason Georges. Your Jesse L. Martins. Your Laz Alonsos.

Mmmm. Laz Alonso.

NAME: Nate Parker

TITLE: Sexy Knockout

CLAIM-TO-FAME: I don’t know. He’s like 12. (Well … he’s not THAT young. He’s actually on two years younger than me. He just looks 12.) He was in “The Great Debaters,” “Pride” and “The Secret Life of Bees” and he’s beautiful. He also seems to be getting cast in a lot of “Based on a true story” films about black people. His next two roles are about the Tuskegee Airmen (“Red Tails“) and “Blood Done Signed My Name,” where he plays Ben Chavis. A matter-of-fact his whole career so far has a bit of an “Allen Payne” in the 1990s scent to it so here’s hoping you don’t go through a decade of lots of work only to wind up in a decade of damn near no work at all, then wind up on a crappy sitcom that even one of your biggest fans can’t bear to watch because you will always be “Dead Mike/G-Money/Jason” in my heart because I can’t look at you any other way.

WHY HE’S ON THE WALL: When you’re extremely good looking you’re just extremely good looking. Here’s hoping to a long, handsome career.

Feel free to kill time at the old Great Wall of Sexy before it’s torn down to be rebuilt again!

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12 thoughts on “Profiles In Sexy

  1. Vcat says:

    Be careful about wishing JMJ on any show. I used to think that I could watch Gabrielle Union in any drek Hollywood came up with. Then, she got a role in the "remake" of The Night Stalker. I couldn’t make it through half an episode and my GU love was seriously compromised. 😦

  2. Danielle Belton says:

    @ VcatI really just need her to be on Grey’s Anatomy and then I really just NEED Shonda Rhimes to give me a job as a writer. If the show isn’t fixed in four-to-six episodes, fire us all, that’s all I’m sayin.’ Show can’t get any worse. Izzie had sex with a CORPSE for HALF THE DAMN SEASON! I’m no Aaron Sorkin/JJ Abrams, but know I can write better than that!

  3. Andrea says:

    Do you know anyome who can get a spec script to Shonda? Maybe you should move back to Cali and try getting to her the normal way in working on the set. The guy that directed the movie I was in, ended up writing for Homicide. He worked as a PA for several seasons and worked some moves being filmed in B’more. He did have that little legal issue with John Singleton that John Singleton settled with him out of court after the legal suit of theft around Higher Learning’s premise. But he networked with other local hungry people that did grunt work to make a coalition of freinds that came through and worked for free when we filmed. These of course were mostly White People but also he got Blacks in his family to do craft services and wardrobe…everything. We all worked for free.Later he took it on a guerilla tour and it made head-way through film festivals to get played on BET, The Independent Channel, and some other channel. I know because people would walk up to me in public and acknowledge my face from BET or some other station when I had no idea. He diidn’t tell us. The public would have to tell us and of course, my students that watched BET. But he used those connections to get a spec script looked at which he could not get in the hands of Tom Fantana and Barry Levinson until he paid some dues. It did help that he went out and made his own film and did the grunt work of getting it a major viewing in B’more at a theatre with press. We all pitched in for him. We did not get paid at the time still. We just had to have faith and know we maybe would never get paid but it was something we could be a part of in making his work a reality. And by helping, we got experience. This is not what I find our people acclimated to do now but I believe it can be done still. While in LA you can get your teleplay/screenplays produced in a theatre to back up your word that you really want to work HARD and will do whatever to get the work out there. No one is going to hand you anything but people will help if you framed it the right way.I think you are far more talented than my freind who conceptiionalized our film and the premise of Higher Learner. He is not as funny as you or biting. I think you just need support and need to stop doing it alone. People go to Cali and NYC to do The Work. You’d meet them after especially showcasing your work. Take your sisters and make it a family affair until the sweat laborers decide to pitch in their raw talents you need to collaborate with. Shonda will then hear about you.Blacks are not skilled at knowing how to be effect surrogates of agency. You would have to nudge them and show them how to get you to Shonda so that Shonda can think she found you. Oprah does not find people. She reads the NYTimes or waits for White Elites to show her what is emerging. Essence is the same way. Can you make it into that sphere?

  4. Whiteboy reader says:

    Oh, yeah, and a "agree" on the Toni Childs thing. To me (that’s just to me, ok?) she totally represents what Beauty is for me.

  5. Lili says:

    Hey are you implying good looks = sexiness, snob? Not fair. And how come all the sexy wallers are great looking?Beauty discrimination, my dear.

  6. Danielle Belton says:

    @ LiliHey, there are plenty people who don’t find my pics of John Leguizamo and Morris Day sexy, so there are other factors besides looks. So if you’ve got someone in mind … ???

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