First there was actor Alan Cumming who, quite tastelessly, decided to pronounce his theories on the Presidential wang. And that was unnecessary, but it was Alan Cumming, an over-the-top actor/celebrity known for his squickiness.
I mean, he created a mens’ cologne called “Cumming” and shot nudes of himself for the adverts. And other than him being a brilliant actor, ain’t shit about that man that’s sexy.
It was expected from him, to say the least.
But it was also down right modest compared to the abomination Michelle Obama Watch reported Monday.
Recently, many of MOWers voiced outrage over HP’s continued practice of referring to Sasha Obama as “sassy” … (b)ut all that pales by comparison after reading Mike Alvear’s recent and utterly disgusting confession regarding for First Lady Michelle Obama.
I’m guessing the sex is so hot when the Obamas are done, the Bidens light a cigarette. For the first time in years, the White House bedroom is going to see more action than Clinton’s Oval Office. Baby got back and it brought monogamy with it. Barack and Michelle are doing for fidelity what Clinton did with infidelity — make us cover our eyes and peek through our fingers.
Alvear disguises his continued insults as praise for the First Couple’s monogamous relationship with more sexual innuendos and connotations. Perhaps, it is Alvear’s need to increase his rating that he chose to play out some perverse fantasy regarding the First Couple. Or perhaps, Alvear’s belief in freedom of the press includes disrespecting a man and his wife with imaginary intimate details of their private lives. But, no matter the impetus of and no matter how its contents might be “explained away” – there is nothing that can or will ever explain his final remarks about First Lady Michelle Obama:
…And don’t get me started on her. She’s the first-ever FLILF (First Lady I’d Like To…)
(Source: “This Time Huffington Post Goes Too Far,” Michelle Obama Watch)
Um … no. Just no. Please. Stop. Don’t.
I took the plunge and actually read Mike Alvear’s piece. After taking a shower and muttering “there is no God” for a few moments, I came to my senses and tried to tell myself, “Maybe this is satire? Maybe this is a joke,” I hoped, like I hoped when I read a recent a Bonnie Fuller piece on how the Obamas needed to get pregnant to save the country.
(Why the sex obsession with the Obamas, America? Is it because they’re young, good looking and black? Wait. Of course it is. Never mind.)
But Alvear just went on and on and in amazing depth and weirdness.
I realize he probably thought he was being provocative and clever and really didn’t think about how black people already have this old, crusty stigma of being sexual deviants and even discussing the freaky-deaky within the confines of a handsome new president and a lovely First Lady’s monogamous marriage STILL plays on that black bucks and wenches stereotype. He crossed the line of taste, my friends. There’s a difference between joking with your friends that “The Obamas totally still do it,” and writing a lengthy piece where you describe:
Pump, Pump. Barack, at 47, is almost 6′ 2″ and probably 170 lbs. Michelle, at 45, is almost 6′ and probably around the same weight. They don’t stay that way by doing daily doughnut drive-bys. They’re nuts about exercise, hitting the gym by 6 a.m. Shape up or the sex ships out. Arousal is about blood flow. So is exercise. You don’t need a Dalmatian to connect the dots.
I get that he wants to push the “monogamy is sexy” meme through the uber popular First Couple, but did he think before he wrote this? I’m just going to assume the poor child doesn’t know and suggest he rent a faded VHS copy of “Mandingo” from his local movie rental house.
Of course, he’d probably just get turned on and ignore the subtext of black people being used as sexual property, so … whatever.
That said, he’s the PRESIDENT and she’s THE FIRST LADY! Yeah, we think they’re hot, but to write about them having sex? Eeewwww! Not cool!