Let me rephrase that …
The man has the balls of Gibraltar. When you look up “cojones” in the dictionary THAT TOME HE’S NOT DEAD IN WILL BE THE PICTURE! I’ll let Jon Stewart do the heavy lifting this time.
Jon, tell us, man. What’s dah heezy with that?
Also, for the Snob Record: I think this incident has more to do with “opportunism” than “coonism.” I know people want to throw the term “Uncle Tom” around which I HIGHLY dislike because neither the real life inspiration for the character of Uncle Tom or the character of Uncle Tom of “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” were actual “Toms” by modern definition, but some things are just what they are. To me, this story is about a guy saying to himself “I’m-a gonna get mine!” no matter the cost. (Even paying your own ticket from Midway to DC on Southwest Airlines to not get sworn in.) That’s pretty much the American way and racial fidelity has never been one to hold an ego back. This is a story of two people (Burris and Gov. Blago) reciting one of my favorite Notorious B.I.G. songs from the “Ready To Die” album over and over.
And I quote, “The What” (For the curse word sensitive, please advert your eyes!):
Fuck the world.
Don’t ask me for shit!
Everything you get
You gotta work hard for it.
Seriously. Burris could care less if this is “potentially embarrassing to Barack Obama.” Or any black person because, despite the good Rep. Bobby Rush’s statements, this isn’t a race issue. This is about political power. Obama is already the President-Elect. Everyone is in a mad grab for any job with a title behind it, white or black, male or female, Asian, Latino, gay, straight. Even CNN’s Dr. Sanjay “Looks Good In a Tight Black T-Shirt While Reporting Your Planet In Peril” Gupta is looking at a pay cut to get on with Team Hope. Folks want a job in politics in 2009. The opposition can’t do anything but bitch and moan about the circus Burris is starring in and too many people have bought into their frowny-faced finger-wagging. Everyone from the prosecutor to the man himself has said Obama was not there when the shit went down, so could everyone calm down, eat some popcorn, shake your head and enjoy the show?
Burris is a George Jeffersonian man trying to get his senate pimp walk on. Why are ya’ll interrupting? After all, a so-called Tom would be trying to destroy the black race through profiting his white masters. Like, I don’t know, writing misogynistic rap lyrics that make black men and women mistrust each other, profiting from those lyrics by giving the bulk of the money to wealthy white-owned record companies who profit on black exploitation, never giving back to the community while starring on a reality show called “Bros Before Hoes” where you douse half naked black women in Cristal, brag about killing other black men and go by the nickname Lil Bae Bae. Or … you try to get the Voting Rights Act of 1964 repealed. Or you’re Clarence Thomas and you bring up a bullshit “Obama was not born in America” case to the frickin’ Supreme Court.
Coonism is NOT being a career politician/lawyer out of the community who did work and fight for black issues, but saw a big sign that read OPPORTUNITY and simply did not care about things like, “Will this embarrass me or the new president?” Fuck no! Effie Whites don’t think that hard. Folks are tryin’ to be a senator up in here. Do you realize how hard it is to get in the senate and how HARD a person will hold on to a seat? Senator Larry Craig of Idaho got busted soliciting sex in a airport bathroom and he WOULD NOT LEAVE the senate! An ex-Saturday Night Life comedian is in a Minnesota triple-overtime deathmatch recount over a senate seat he will NEVER concede no matter what the count says, up or down.
Plus, Burris is 71 and like most old folks, he just doesn’t care what anyone thinks anymore. Do your grandparents care what you think? Can you tell grandpa that he would look silly getting involved in this Blago drama? And while I know old people can be annoying, let’s not blame so-called “Civil Rights Era Negro” syndrome. What the hell was Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick’s excuse?
It’s about power. Pure and simple. And this is Burris’ last shot. Love him or hate him. He seriously does not care what we think and in the end this is SEVERAL SHADES less embarassing than, let’s say, OJ Simpson or the R. Kelly trial which involved, you know, real crimes and shit. All this proves is that black politicians are just like all politicians. Trifling. For the first time, the “Good Ol’ Boy” network is no longer a hinderance in getting a hook-up on a national scale for a black man. After all, Caroline Kennedy is trying to pimp herself the same deal in New York with Hillary Clinton’s seat, but without the whole crazy governor situtation. That’s not embarassing. That’s progress!
So, I really don’t think this diminishes from Obama’s achievements, the various achievements of other “Civil Rights Era Negroes” or even the performances of that wonderful Sue-loving Bobby Rush. This says something about Burris (an egomaniac) and Blago (also an egomaniac), but it’s not a reflection on us black folk as a plurarilty. And folks were not just going to go “Obama ’08,” suck in their guts and act “perfect” for the next four to eight years. Really. I don’t think I’m going to get passed over on a job interview because Roland Burris is in DC shouting “I gotta get mine, you gotta get yours” over and over. If he looks like a fool, he is the fool. But he is betraying no one in his foolishness.