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Wait? Did I Say Roland Burris Had Balls?

Let me rephrase that …

The man has the balls of Gibraltar. When you look up “cojones” in the dictionary THAT TOME HE’S NOT DEAD IN WILL BE THE PICTURE! I’ll let Jon Stewart do the heavy lifting this time.

Jon, tell us, man. What’s dah heezy with that?

Also, for the Snob Record: I think this incident has more to do with “opportunism” than “coonism.” I know people want to throw the term “Uncle Tom” around which I HIGHLY dislike because neither the real life inspiration for the character of Uncle Tom or the character of Uncle Tom of “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” were actual “Toms” by modern definition, but some things are just what they are. To me, this story is about a guy saying to himself “I’m-a gonna get mine!” no matter the cost. (Even paying your own ticket from Midway to DC on Southwest Airlines to not get sworn in.) That’s pretty much the American way and racial fidelity has never been one to hold an ego back. This is a story of two people (Burris and Gov. Blago) reciting one of my favorite Notorious B.I.G. songs from the “Ready To Die” album over and over.

And I quote, “The What” (For the curse word sensitive, please advert your eyes!):

Fuck the world.
Don’t ask me for shit!
Everything you get
You gotta work hard for it.

End quote.

Seriously. Burris could care less if this is “potentially embarrassing to Barack Obama.” Or any black person because, despite the good Rep. Bobby Rush’s statements, this isn’t a race issue. This is about political power. Obama is already the President-Elect. Everyone is in a mad grab for any job with a title behind it, white or black, male or female, Asian, Latino, gay, straight. Even CNN’s Dr. Sanjay “Looks Good In a Tight Black T-Shirt While Reporting Your Planet In Peril” Gupta is looking at a pay cut to get on with Team Hope. Folks want a job in politics in 2009. The opposition can’t do anything but bitch and moan about the circus Burris is starring in and too many people have bought into their frowny-faced finger-wagging. Everyone from the prosecutor to the man himself has said Obama was not there when the shit went down, so could everyone calm down, eat some popcorn, shake your head and enjoy the show?

Burris is a George Jeffersonian man trying to get his senate pimp walk on. Why are ya’ll interrupting? After all, a so-called Tom would be trying to destroy the black race through profiting his white masters. Like, I don’t know, writing misogynistic rap lyrics that make black men and women mistrust each other, profiting from those lyrics by giving the bulk of the money to wealthy white-owned record companies who profit on black exploitation, never giving back to the community while starring on a reality show called “Bros Before Hoes” where you douse half naked black women in Cristal, brag about killing other black men and go by the nickname Lil Bae Bae. Or … you try to get the Voting Rights Act of 1964 repealed. Or you’re Clarence Thomas and you bring up a bullshit “Obama was not born in America” case to the frickin’ Supreme Court.

Coonism is NOT being a career politician/lawyer out of the community who did work and fight for black issues, but saw a big sign that read OPPORTUNITY and simply did not care about things like, “Will this embarrass me or the new president?” Fuck no! Effie Whites don’t think that hard. Folks are tryin’ to be a senator up in here. Do you realize how hard it is to get in the senate and how HARD a person will hold on to a seat? Senator Larry Craig of Idaho got busted soliciting sex in a airport bathroom and he WOULD NOT LEAVE the senate! An ex-Saturday Night Life comedian is in a Minnesota triple-overtime deathmatch recount over a senate seat he will NEVER concede no matter what the count says, up or down.

Plus, Burris is 71 and like most old folks, he just doesn’t care what anyone thinks anymore. Do your grandparents care what you think? Can you tell grandpa that he would look silly getting involved in this Blago drama? And while I know old people can be annoying, let’s not blame so-called “Civil Rights Era Negro” syndrome. What the hell was Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick’s excuse?

It’s about power. Pure and simple. And this is Burris’ last shot. Love him or hate him. He seriously does not care what we think and in the end this is SEVERAL SHADES less embarassing than, let’s say, OJ Simpson or the R. Kelly trial which involved, you know, real crimes and shit. All this proves is that black politicians are just like all politicians. Trifling. For the first time, the “Good Ol’ Boy” network is no longer a hinderance in getting a hook-up on a national scale for a black man. After all, Caroline Kennedy is trying to pimp herself the same deal in New York with Hillary Clinton’s seat, but without the whole crazy governor situtation. That’s not embarassing. That’s progress!

So, I really don’t think this diminishes from Obama’s achievements, the various achievements of other “Civil Rights Era Negroes” or even the performances of that wonderful Sue-loving Bobby Rush. This says something about Burris (an egomaniac) and Blago (also an egomaniac), but it’s not a reflection on us black folk as a plurarilty. And folks were not just going to go “Obama ’08,” suck in their guts and act “perfect” for the next four to eight years. Really. I don’t think I’m going to get passed over on a job interview because Roland Burris is in DC shouting “I gotta get mine, you gotta get yours” over and over. If he looks like a fool, he is the fool. But he is betraying no one in his foolishness.

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21 thoughts on “Wait? Did I Say Roland Burris Had Balls?

  1. “Her Vagina has mice”….WTF? Laughing out Loud.As for “Senator” Burris….the resume on the grave is a little premature much like the other thing he has to make up for.

  2. Snob,You are hilarious.HILARIOUS. I’ve been loving all of this. I don’t give a rat’s ass. If they had done right and just given the appointment to Jesse Jackson, Jr. like it should have been..We wouldn’t be in this place right now. I’m LMAO. I don’t dislike Roland Burris. I’ve voted for him many times. This is what someone wrote over at JJP. If you ask me the whole “taint” issue was simply spin used for anyone who would buy into it since they couldn’t bluff Blago. You can’t bluff a gansta! And Blago is straight gansta! As another poster said yesterday you can’t give a gangsta a loaded gun and expect them not to use it! And As Roland Martin said today they had the opportunity to strip his authority to make the decision but oh nooooooo they chose to double dog dare him!!! How you gone double dog dare a gansta?! Blago is HOOD!This is what it’s all about. Reid and Speaker of the Illinois House Massa Michael Madigan, thought they could be SLICK about the special election. And then, they got STUCK. I have a friend from out of state, that when this went down, called and asked me when I thought Blago was gonna resign. I told her and her husband – he’s not. They were like, ‘come on. Look at Eliot Spitzer’. I’m like, asides from being White men, Spitzer and Blago have nothing in common. Eliot Spitzer, at his core, is a Jewish Aristocrat, and all that entails. Blago is a blue collar street punk. One could be shamed, and the other doesn’t know how to spell the word. It’s like comparing Grant Hill to Allen Iverson. Yes, they’re Black Basketball Players, but that’s all they have in common. What has fascinated me, being from Illinois, is who has kept their mouths shut during this entire process. Namely King Richard Daley II. And how, the media never brings up that the Speaker of the Illinois House has been AT WAR with Blago from the moment he was sworn in, because he wants to gitftwrap the Governor’s Mansion for his unqualified Baby Girl – our current Attorney General. You leave his monument alone. You know how Black folk feel about their funerals.

  3. khia213 says:

    Thank you! I’m glad someone called Burris for what he is. An Opportunist. Not once in this whole scenario have I heard him talk about what he would do for the people of Illinois. It’s all “me, me, me.” (And not a very articulate “me,me, me” either, I might add.) Sad.

  4. I am w/ you until your last sentence. It reads …. betraying no one in his foolishness…I think you meant … betraying no one in his pursuit of power…..

  5. Coach says Go hard or Go Home!So if you’re gonna play politics…Besides, one of the positive side effects of “Overcoming” (as I keep hearing we have finally done by electing His O-ness) is that we get to let go of the whole notion that the behavior of one of us represents all of us.We cried for complexity and diversity in black representation, didn’t we?!I agree that Burris is just an egotistical man not the representation of the character of black peopleThusly giving space for Obama to be a man not the next ‘black perspective’ spokesperson.So yes, git at the popcorn and enjoy the show!Furthermore, I’d like to nominate G-Rod Blag-gezzy for an extra special Best New Artist 2009 Source Award for coming across Reid’s head with that stank-nasty pimp backhand.Blag-gizzle is a gift for the Democratic PartyMan up Bitches!!! What u got now?

  6. All this proves is that black politicians are just like all politicians. Trifling.Now if we could fit this on a t-shirt or something, I’d be good to go.

  7. “Plus, Burris is 71 and like most old folks, he just doesn’t care what anyone thinks anymore.” Ding, ding, ding. This is the main reason why I fool with old people.Let the old man take up space for two years. He’ll be a lame duck anyways because NO ONE will take him seriously then let him retire in 2010 because he won’t win reelection. What’s the harm in that?

  8. Amen! George Jeffersonian indeed: “Now we’re up in the big leagues, gettin’ our chance at bat. As long as we live, it’s you and be baby. There ain’t nothin’ wrong with that.”Burris knows this is his one best shot to cap off the engraving on his tomb with a truly impressive accomplishment and he’s going for it.Meanwhile, back in Gotham, RB1 is sitting in his office cracking himself up at the perfect media shit-storm he’s stirred up.

  9. confession: When I think of that line from “Movin’ on Up”, it now reminds me of Robert Downey, Jr. in Tropic Thunder and makes me laugh out loud.

  10. Good post. I think many of us are so angry that he’s letting himself be used by Blagojevich that it never occurs to us that Burris might be using him too. I’m certainly no Burris fan, but he’s not the tap-dancing Tom (and kudos on the distinction of “Uncle Tom”) that some people are painting him as. He’s got a shot, and even if it’s a long shot, he’s gonna take it. I don’t see why anyone even thinks this would or could reflect poorly on Obama; it’s clear Obama had nothing to do with these shenanigans.But balls or no balls, that tombstone is f-ing ridiculous!

  11. Ro says:

    Burris is not letting himself be used and he is not a Jeffersonian. Being a senator is his long time aspiration and an opportunity presented itself. He been made the announcement about accepting Obama’s seat before Blago got popped. You’ve forgotten the ages of other senators Ted Kennedy(76),Chuck Grassley(75),and Robert Byrd(91).Burris the first African American elected to office in Illinois. Let him go out with a bang.

  12. Nice plug for that Biggie Movie.I was just bumping “The What” about 30 minutes ago.That Biggie special on B.E.T. last night had me digging into my crates.Well, scratched-up CDs – but you get the point!

  13. Anonymous says:

    Snob o’ All Snobs:You.Handled.This.You have now hard-steered my mad azz back into the proper lane. I tripped a bit. Why? I LOVE MY PRESIDENT-ELECT. But, okay, okay. I’ll try hard not to desire the immediate and painful death of all those who distract the world from President-Elect Barack Obama’s beautiful mind and brilliant coup and Michelle’s amazing Blackwomanhood, and the Wee Michelles’ cuteness. So, today? For Snob’s hot-to-death writing on Burris? I shall slow my mad roll. Kudos (as I’m a stubborn, hard-headed one)!

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