Uncategorized

Randomness: Granny Snob Wants Great-GrandSnobs, Wonders Why I’m Not Mrs. Obama

In light of my most recent post on interracial dating I found it hilarious that my grandmother, the unsinkable Granny Snob, (pictured on the left) called me early this afternoon to inform me (yet again) that I needed to have children. This is not the first time she has done this. This is part of an ongoing series in conversations with her where she reminds me of how old I am and how I need to give her some grandbabies.

Now mind you, she has tons of grandchildren and great-grandchildren on account having nine children of her own, most of whom married, then had kids who in turn produced children as well. But none of her eldest daughter’s children, my dear Mama Snob, have kids. We’re not even married. And for some reason she enjoys yelling at me about this, but not my sisters.

But what was different about today’s conversation was the “Rainbow Coalition” tone and the new Barack Obama spin on today’s conversation.

GRANNY SNOB: So how’s the boyfriend coming?

THE BLACK SNOB: What? I don’t have a boyfriend.

GRANNY SNOB: Didn’t you say you were dating some preacher’s son or someone you went to school with or something?

TBS: Um … no.

GRANNY SNOB: I thought you or your mama told me that?

TBS: Unless you know something I don’t, I don’t have a boyfriend.

GRANNY SNOB: Well, what’s the matter? What’s taking so long?

TBS: I just haven’t met anybody.

GRANNY SNOB: Well, I need some grandbabies!

TBS: You have grandbabies! I’m your grandbaby!

GRANNY SNOB: No. I want to see your baby. I want to see you have a baby that looks just like your father! We need another (Papa Snob)! And don’t wait around for some black dude. If you can’t find a black dude then just marry a white!

This was the point at which I was somewhat surprised, considering I’m pretty sure Granny Snob still uses the word “Peckerwood” with high frequency and for decades has been the opposite of enthusiastic for interracial coupling. But as the conversation continued I was able to see what may have sparked this “revolution” in her mind.

TBS: OK.

GRANNY SNOB: I mean it! The white women are taking all the crazy black dudes. I don’t know why.

TBS: Well, if they’re crazy then they can have them.

GRANNY SNOB: There are white men out there marrying black women. And I don’t know why you didn’t get Obama! You should have gotten Obama!

TBS: I’m pretty sure I was elementary school when he met Michelle, Granny. I don’t think I had a shot at ten.

GRANNY SNOB: He’s not that old! I heard he was only 40!

TBS: He’s 47. And when was I supposed to meet him? I was still wearing Wonder Woman underoos.

GRANNY SNOB: Well, you should have gotten Obama, but I guess that’s too late.

TBS: Um … yeah.

GRANNY SNOB: Don’t waste time. You need to find somebody. I’m afraid you’re going to wait until I’ve taken my final rest for you to have a baby and I want to see it!

And I hate it when she does this because I really do want her to be with us if I get married and have a family, but does she have to play the “I’m 80! I could die tomorrow!” card all the time? She’s been pulling this card since she turned 60.

TBS: OK. I’ll try.

GRANNY SNOB: I don’t care what Mama and Daddy say. They want grandbabies too! And don’t wait for a black dude. Marry a white if you have to! I’m serious! I don’t know what’s wrong with black folks.

TBS: OK. I love you, Granny!

___________________________

I pretty much giggled through the whole conversation because what were the odds that this week would be the week she would unveil her new “marry a white guy” strategy to get some great-grandchildren out of me. But with a biracial president and Granny Snob reading the same dire statistics as every black woman, her obsession with me producing a preferably male child who resembles my daddy (who she adores without question) is paramount.

I still don’t know how I was supposed to snag Barack in my Garanimals, (and if I could’ve, he’d be in prison, not president!) but this is my grandmother. I love the fact that she thinks I could have been the First Lady even though I’m not from Chicago and there is a 16 year age difference. Love that Granny Snob. She thinks I have the skills to mack on the president. Now if you don’t mind, I have to go stalk some men and ask bluntly on first dates “Are you going to give my grandmother some grandbabies who look like Papa Snob, because if not, you’re wasting our time. She’s 80. She could take her final nap any day now!

Advertisements
Standard

49 thoughts on “Randomness: Granny Snob Wants Great-GrandSnobs, Wonders Why I’m Not Mrs. Obama

  1. Well, I’m 24, and all through undergrad when I’d go to my dad’s hometown for a hurrican evacuation or for Thanksgiving, my dad’s oldest sister, who turned 70 this year was always asking me was I married yet.And I was like, WTF each year. And then it was “Do you have a girlfriend?”I wonder were these same questions asked of my younger cousin who had a baby last year.Anywhoooo….We are soooo a part of a different generation. I sho’ aint trying to hear nothing about marriage no time soon. I want to at least finish these last two degrees. I aint even trying to talk about being engaged until I’m fully out from my parents roof. I mean, I still go home for breaks.Why don’t these older relatives realize its 2008, almost 2009?!?!?!

  2. What’s up TBS?I’ve tried to leave some other comments, but it seems your comment box does not work with Firefox(at least the latest version).That wedding pic is one of my faves from the Obamas.Luckily since my father has 4 grandkids and two great-grandkids, he is absolutely OK with me not having any. Your grandmother is a trip!

  3. miss kate says:

    LMAO @ “You have grandbabies! I’m your grandbaby!”And how is “a white” supposed to guarantee you babies that look like your father?Maybe she gets on you especially ’cause you’ve been married before, so you’re “Most Likely to be OK With Wifing Up” in her mind?

  4. I love it! I miss my grandmothers, I really do.My extended family has definitely given me the “don’t wait on a Black man” lecture for years now. I have too much of a weird education, I’m told, to be eligible to a “normal” Black man. Though a couple of my aunts are about me finding who’s going to appreciate me in all of my glory. Warm fuzzies….It does make you giggle.

  5. Uppity: She did this to my mother, only it was about her getting married. My mom had the audacity to go off to college the minute she graduated from high school, then move up north. She was calling her an “old maid” at 24. She eventually met and married my dad at 26, and Granny LOVES my dad, so we’re all good now, but … this is what she does. She, of course, got married at 16. But then, it was the 194O0s.

  6. the black independent says:

    I’m a 30 year old guy, and I get that question all of the time. Whenever my folks ask me when they can expect to receive grandchildren, I usually answer w/, “How do you know that you don’t have’em already? There might be some nappy-headed surprise for you running around somewhere in the world.” They’re the old school “sex is taboo” kinda Christian folk, so that usually ends that topic and I get a good laugh.Love the Underoo reference. I had all of the Star Wars underoos when I was a kid.

  7. Hilarity. I got the same kinda conversation (“When you gettin’ married?”) from my grandmother last year — the first time I ever heard that question in my life. And she, too, was married at 16.(Only to be divorced and married again later on down the line. But bygones.)Meanwhile… “a white” is hilarious. Too much for me. Lol.

  8. Anonymous says:

    I mean everywhere I turn these days it is like some memo went out that Black women should be with white men. Commercials, family members etc…It might be that Black women need to marry out so we can raise the kind of Black men that we wish we could have had to marry….Just a thought…

  9. First of all your grandmother is a trip. Both of mine were deceased when before I was born so I never had that experience. As for the marrying white I’m being told not to marry anybody till I finish school or he has a bank account to help me while I’m in school.lol But no one ever told me that but they did say if you can’t find a black man get an arabic man or hispanic man. “White men have too many problems do I need to show you all these white women that gone missing!?” lol But hey I’m only 18 I don’t want to get married this soon!

  10. Anonymous says:

    Granny Snob is the best, she is hilarious!! I love her and you too. I think you inherited her wit – you are mini Granny Snob.

  11. Screaming laughing. Reminds me of a convo I had with one of my friends a while back. He’d never been big on interracial dating. UNTIL his daughter came out of the closet. Then he said, “Couldn’t she just have brought a white boy home?” I still get the giggles when I think about it.

  12. Anonymous says:

    Dangle a man in front of them every once in a while–otherwise you’ll be answering the “what’s wrong? Don’t you like men annymore?” questions.

  13. Well that’s good advice – but it’s not about a ‘white’ man per se but looking outside the box and seeking opportunities for meeting a larger pool of men and hopefully a quality man to marry.

  14. Elizabeth Perez says:

    You are slaying me here. My mother feels exactly the same way; being Cuban, I guess she would be “Mami Snope” (the phonetical spelling). I’m in for over ten days of this during the holidays. She’s about ready for me to go in the other direction–“Don’t wait for some blanquito…” Telling her my Ph.D. is my baby doesn’t cut it right now. Anyway, thanks for reminding me that I’m not the only one.

  15. JJai says:

    Miss Kate, you are hilarious! A “white” might mess up the resemblance, lol.Hey Snob, Has your grandmother been watching “Something New”?Also, at least your 14 year old nephew isn’t telling you that you are too old to have a baby due to birth defects with advanced maternal age; I am 30. I think this was brought on by the hullabaloo on Sarah Palin. Kids these days!

  16. Heqit says:

    heeeeee hee hee! Oh, that reminds me so much of my own grandmother. (I’ll call her Granny Pedant, since I apparently inherited her tendency to correct any and all grammatical, spelling, or vocabulary errors that came to her notice, no matter who the perpetrator or what the occasion.) Every time I visited her — about once a week — her first question to me would be “do you have a boyfriend?” Starting at age five! Every. Single. Visit.And in response to Roslyn’s (hilarious) story, my mom doesn’t harass me about having a boyfriend or getting married…because she’s terrified that I’ll bring home a girl! (And I would, if I were crazy enough to take any SO or partner home, which I’m not.)

  17. ha!!! I had the same convo with my mom a few years ago. She wanted let me know that she and my dad were “okay” with me marrying a white man as long as he (like the brothers) was educated, ambitious and came from a good family. Good luck. signed,still single.

  18. Your grandmother must know my aunts. Now, my parents could care less that neither my brother or I are married. But my aunts? My brother being single is no biggie. Me being single is a matter of urgent national security or some mess. Everytime I go to South Carolina for a visit, my aunts have to ask me if I have a man, why not, what I’m doing about it, etc. I’ve resorted to giving snarky answers. “I snore loudly.” “I refuse to put away underwear that I don’t wear.” “I’m not cleaning a bathroom sink someone else spit toothpaste in.” These usually bring a puzzled look.

  19. To diffuse this conversation you will have to pull the “I’m gay” card even though you’re not.Also, say that your new GIRLFRIEND is named Becky and that you are going to be living on a vegan compound in Northern Washington state where you will grow your own vegetables, not shave, and not use any hygiene products that aren’t natural.This usually leads to the conversation of “OH LORD WHAT HAVE I DONE.” and then bring it back and say, “I’m just tired of you constantly telling me I need to be married and have kids.”This usually stops people in families from bringing up the topic about marrying with kids because the worst thing in a traditional black family you could be is a black lesbian who has a white vegan girlfriend and doesn’t bathe. Of course you may also run the risk of your grandmother saying, “Really, well when are Y’ALL gonna have some grandkids for me?”So….it might not completely diffuse the conversation…but its worth a shot. *lol*

  20. Yes, this is too funny but I probably wouldn’t have thought so years ago, when my mother was harrassing me. She hounded me and hounded me to get married and have a baby. Then had the audacity to say she wasn’t ready when I finally did at 30!

  21. Oh Snob and Snob readers, you all are so funny. I’m an only child, so I get it pretty bad. But my future mom-in-law, my aunties, and my grandma (all of whom have children and grandchildren) along with my parents will.not.shut.up. about marriage and babies. I especially like the lesbian from Washington idea…

  22. Anonymous says:

    I would just say value those conversations. My grandma told me she wanted to see me graduste from college before she died and I thought she would be here much longer(after all her mother didn’t die until she was 109). She died at 84 with no warning. She wasn’t sick or anything. In fact she was chilling at her best friends’s retirement party when it happened. I would love for her to see me walk across that stage next year more than anything.

  23. G says:

    That conversation with your grandmother? H I L A R I O U S.I think many women are getting the “Why didn’t you get Obama?” treatment from their momma’s and grandma’s right now.Thanks for sharing!

  24. Your Grandma snob is too funny.I got the “why didnt you get Obama”speech. She seems to have forgotten that I live in England and am already married. lol. I just love elderly black women.

  25. Well, sadly for your grandmother, I’m no help. Aside from the fact I live nowhere near you, I’m married. And even if that should end, I think I already promised my pale self to WNG over at A Whole New G (http://sorkinsaturdays.blogspot.com/) some months back.I agree though with a previous poster that she must favor you somehow to ride you so hard and not your siblings…

  26. Wow, that was really funny. And, Granny Snob is really beautiful!If you are having a hard time finding a decent (not good because there is non good but the father) black man, you may be in the wrong location. It would seem to me that a decent black guy is going to stay away from the city centers where large numbers of black women live. Why? He has a fear that he will only misuse black women or lose his focus. In stead, he will choose to hide out in towns where things are moving a little smoother. (Try finding him in Destin or Fort Walton Beach, Florida.) He will live in a smaller town where there is a good university; everyone one that knows him will say he is a “really nice guy;” He would, presumably, be earning advanced degrees, learning languages, and/or remaining frugal. (He understands that a majority of what’s happing to Americans today is the result of not living WELL within their means.) Buy going to these (seemingly) remote locations, he runs the risk of marring someone who is not the same race as he. Why? Because all of the aforementioned attributes make him extremely attractive to women of other races. When you find him, you will know that he is a man through and through. However, he will not know how to play the game(s) that many city slickers play.

  27. Ok i really was staying out of the more political aspects of the convo…but, just to add balance to Mr Rush’s statement. I have a friend, a “good black man” type, who specifically moved back to the city from a small town, so he could focus. he found the women throwing themselves at him (of all races) in the small town distracting and moved back to the city where women had higher standards that would in turn push him to be a better person. p.s. – i’m already married to an amazing black man, so i’m not interested, but any other women in the philly area if you want his contact info, just let me know 🙂

  28. I’ll bet we could make some beautiful lil’ snobby babies! I may never be president of the United States, but I am a professional man and a brother too! I grew up in Waukegan and am willing to shut granny snob up about grand-baby snobs. She won’t dislike me either…

  29. I just turned 32 a lil over 2 weeks ago, & Whenever my ppl even hint around that question, I shut that ish down!.. I know they think it, but now they fear me so its rarely a discussion, but more of a whispered comment..lol

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s