In light of my most recent post on interracial dating I found it hilarious that my grandmother, the unsinkable Granny Snob, (pictured on the left) called me early this afternoon to inform me (yet again) that I needed to have children. This is not the first time she has done this. This is part of an ongoing series in conversations with her where she reminds me of how old I am and how I need to give her some grandbabies.
Now mind you, she has tons of grandchildren and great-grandchildren on account having nine children of her own, most of whom married, then had kids who in turn produced children as well. But none of her eldest daughter’s children, my dear Mama Snob, have kids. We’re not even married. And for some reason she enjoys yelling at me about this, but not my sisters.
But what was different about today’s conversation was the “Rainbow Coalition” tone and the new Barack Obama spin on today’s conversation.
GRANNY SNOB: So how’s the boyfriend coming?
THE BLACK SNOB: What? I don’t have a boyfriend.
GRANNY SNOB: Didn’t you say you were dating some preacher’s son or someone you went to school with or something?
TBS: Um … no.
GRANNY SNOB: I thought you or your mama told me that?
TBS: Unless you know something I don’t, I don’t have a boyfriend.
GRANNY SNOB: Well, what’s the matter? What’s taking so long?
TBS: I just haven’t met anybody.
GRANNY SNOB: Well, I need some grandbabies!
TBS: You have grandbabies! I’m your grandbaby!
GRANNY SNOB: No. I want to see your baby. I want to see you have a baby that looks just like your father! We need another (Papa Snob)! And don’t wait around for some black dude. If you can’t find a black dude then just marry a white!
This was the point at which I was somewhat surprised, considering I’m pretty sure Granny Snob still uses the word “Peckerwood” with high frequency and for decades has been the opposite of enthusiastic for interracial coupling. But as the conversation continued I was able to see what may have sparked this “revolution” in her mind.
GRANNY SNOB: I mean it! The white women are taking all the crazy black dudes. I don’t know why.
TBS: Well, if they’re crazy then they can have them.
GRANNY SNOB: There are white men out there marrying black women. And I don’t know why you didn’t get Obama! You should have gotten Obama!
TBS: I’m pretty sure I was elementary school when he met Michelle, Granny. I don’t think I had a shot at ten.
GRANNY SNOB: He’s not that old! I heard he was only 40!
TBS: He’s 47. And when was I supposed to meet him? I was still wearing Wonder Woman underoos.
GRANNY SNOB: Well, you should have gotten Obama, but I guess that’s too late.
TBS: Um … yeah.
GRANNY SNOB: Don’t waste time. You need to find somebody. I’m afraid you’re going to wait until I’ve taken my final rest for you to have a baby and I want to see it!
And I hate it when she does this because I really do want her to be with us if I get married and have a family, but does she have to play the “I’m 80! I could die tomorrow!” card all the time? She’s been pulling this card since she turned 60.
TBS: OK. I’ll try.
GRANNY SNOB: I don’t care what Mama and Daddy say. They want grandbabies too! And don’t wait for a black dude. Marry a white if you have to! I’m serious! I don’t know what’s wrong with black folks.
TBS: OK. I love you, Granny!
I pretty much giggled through the whole conversation because what were the odds that this week would be the week she would unveil her new “marry a white guy” strategy to get some great-grandchildren out of me. But with a biracial president and Granny Snob reading the same dire statistics as every black woman, her obsession with me producing a preferably male child who resembles my daddy (who she adores without question) is paramount.
I still don’t know how I was supposed to snag Barack in my Garanimals, (and if I could’ve, he’d be in prison, not president!) but this is my grandmother. I love the fact that she thinks I could have been the First Lady even though I’m not from Chicago and there is a 16 year age difference. Love that Granny Snob. She thinks I have the skills to mack on the president. Now if you don’t mind, I have to go stalk some men and ask bluntly on first dates “Are you going to give my grandmother some grandbabies who look like Papa Snob, because if not, you’re wasting our time. She’s 80. She could take her final nap any day now!“