The Retro Kids Do Have Day Jobs

I’ve regularly posted befuddlement at The Retro Kids wondering what they did for a living (besides go to NYC parties) and if their high top fades and braided gold chains were meant as a homage to the Hip Hop style that existed before the industry started pumping millions into the Rap Industrial Complex. Or if they were making fun of folks of my generation (teens and preteens of the late 80s through the 1990s).

Where they making fun of The Snob and my long hair, fully curly and crunchy to the side (with a banana clip — of course, circa 1990, wearing a vertical stripped dress* to my sixth grade banquet where I was one of the two keynote speakers. Where I unveiled my hard earned dancing skills (I practiced in the basement for weeks with my more agile little sister, Deidre the Baby Snob, who went on to be a theater and dance major.) There at the banquet I busted a mean Roger Rabbit to some Bobby Brown after the award’s dinner at Hazelwood East High School. Because I can’t tell if the Retro Kids are making fun of that. That night was not funny to me.

Since kindergarten I’d been teased mercilessly for being different. By sixth grade everyone had calmed down and accepted me for who I was. I’d sat on my “cute” pair of glasses the night before the banquet and rather that wear my old hideous pink/purple plastic old lady specs from the fourth grade I went to the thing blind and specs-less. To my shock, everyone responded to me like I was the hottest chick in the room. I was “that girl” from the cheesy movies where you take off the glasses (and develop somewhat of a figure) and suddenly I was hot. That begot four years of bitching to my mom to get me contact lenses. So that night of 90s tackiness is a night of wonderfulness for me. Don’t mock it, Retro Kids. Other than that — Rock on. (From kanYe West Blog, via reader Whitty)

*I have got to dig up that picture. I swear to God. I was the hottest 12 year old in the game that night. I wouldn’t feel that way again until college in my sorority days. (Left: My seventh grade ID from the former Kirby Junior High School in St. Louis County. Check them bangs. I was the hotness and no one even knew it.)

Also, scary. I can still do all those dances in the video. I made Baby Snob teach me all of them. Baby Snob has crazy skills. She had the Janet Jackson “If” video dance down pat. It was incredible, but she’s always been awesome in that way. She’s the official “Hot Chick” of the Snob sisters.

8 thoughts on “The Retro Kids Do Have Day Jobs

  1. You so crazy, Danielle, recalling your nerd-turned-babe junior high school days. I was Michael Jackson cute back in the day, but at least I still have most of my hair and teeth now. It’s okay, keep giving us trips down memory lane. It’s fun looking back.

  2. Lord Snob,I just want to really thank you for officially showing me just how old my ass is. While you were cabbage-patching your cute self at your dance, my then 27-year-old butt was working my butt off.Gee, I was much slimmer then. Cuter, too.(Sigh) I’m going back to bedDeedleleePS- Go on with your bad self still being able to do the dances you did as a kid!Thank god the dances I did ( The Bump and The Freak) I can still do because they didn’t involve much skill.

  3. Oh, you’re a home girl?! I’ve been reading your blog for a couple of weeks now and I didn’t realize you were from my part of town. I went to Riverview in St. Louis, and yes, I was SUPA fresh back in the day with my stacks and mushroom hairstyles, and my purple Cross Colour jeans.

  4. When first saw the Retro Kids i was puzzled…are they real? lol!! I tell ya, we are around the same age, and i was no where near fly til about 1996 and I was freshman in college( consequently after i pledged). Junior high was murder on my fashion sense and didn’t help that I was bit on the different side. I was sent to NY every summer so when I got back down south with my fresh Africana medallions and United Colors of Benetton, country folks thought I was being a rich SNOB.But I did have the one of the hottest stacked dos with the long back in the school. They couldn’t touch that shit!

  5. “I was the hotness and no one even knew it.” I literally bowed my head in pity for the fools (wink). Keep up the writing, Snob.

  6. I *heart* the ’80s, but we all know the next big thing is the ’90s. So who wants to join my grunge-revival band? We’ll be huge in about five years…then the end of days will happen. 🙁

  7. I could never get all the moves in the “If” video. It wasn’t for lack of trying. I hit myself a lot trying to be in two places at once. *sigh* Your 7th grade ID… yeah, that’s awesome! HAHAHA! Everything was so awesome in the 90’s. You guys remember LA Gears? Teeheehee…

  8. Ah the memories. I remember my parents and aunts and uncles doing the Bump. I always felt like a bit of a misfit even though I was popular. Culture Club and The Time were pretty heavily favored at my school.

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