Politics Break: Pantyhose … For Men … For Realz.

I wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t seen this site with my own eyes — pantyhose … I’m sorry. MANTYHOSE for the daring, fashion-forward man. Courtesy of e-Mancipate, a site dedicated to increasing the acceptance of a fashion item most women hate wearing.

Positives: Um … the ones in the first picture sort of look masculine like tribal tattoos for your legs. Maybe? Hmm?

Negatives: More emo than emo, what the hell is this? Maybe this is because I’m a woman and view pantyhose as a negative. Something akin to control top panties, girdles, underwire bras, corsets and other devices meant to impose and impossible standard of beauty onto women. And just when Michelle Obama is declaring to the women of the world to stop being help prisoner by expensive pieces of nylon that almost always rip either as you’re putting them on or right after you put them on, this monstrosity rolls up.

Seriously. Why? What man would want to do this to himself, gay, straight, emo or ridiculously fey? What other symbol of female subjugation would this hypothetical pantyhose man like to co-opt? Would he like to get paid 75 cents on the dollar for his work? Be valued only for looks and youth? Have people pay his parents to get him married off? Menstrual cramps? Because men can totally have my menstrual cramps. They are an MFing pain in the ass.

That said, if you’re a dude who is wondering if you have the stones to rock pink tights, that’s your prerogative, Bobby Brown. You do what you want to do. But if you want take up the fashion S&M nightmares women have been burdened by, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, RuPaul and I have a pair of stilettos to sell you.

This is absurd. More absurd than the hoax that emo king Pete Wentz was starting a line of eyeliner for men. Drown me in a river of Cumming’s cologne.

9 thoughts on “Politics Break: Pantyhose … For Men … For Realz.

  1. I already put in my order. Psych! Too girly man for me, even if they do look like tattoos. Still, you never know what trends are going to catch on. You can include me out, though.

  2. Can’t stand emo. Can’t stand metrosexual. Gimme a roughneck anytime. Preferably in a kilt. A man in a kilt is.just.hawt.

  3. The reason nobody ever thought my any of my boyfriends are partners were gay…cause I like men. If I wanted to date women I would date the real ones. What the hell are these people selling????!!!!!!

  4. d.j.: Your statement is almost identical to an old boss of mine who said the same thing about him and his long-time partner. It annoyed him that people expected his house to look “girly” or for him and his partner to be “more gay-like.” He always said, “I’m married to a man. How more ‘gay’ do I have to be?”So I’m with you. Who is the target market for this!? I’m assuming it HAS to be emo kids. Even though I don’t know if emo kids are emo enough for tights.

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