Happy Birthday, Jermaine Dupri!

Tuesday was Jermaine Dupri’s birthday which he celebrated with a gaggle of semi-celebs and his too-hot-for-him, full-time ladyfriend, Janet Jackson, at Tenjune in New York City.

The fugly little mogul turned 36 and isn’t doing too bad, I must say. He’s the fellow that gave us Da Brat (when she was still interesting) and Kriss-Kross (when they were still interesting) and countless other Atlanta-based acts out of his So-So Def label.

Good show, sir. Good show.

Despite the fact that they’re almost more odd couple than Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey, JD and Janet seem to make each other pretty happy so I can’t knock that. Janet’s had a shitacular romance record up until now. As usual, Janet went for the “avant garde” and is decked out in a style from some era that never existed. The black newsboy cap. The animal print blouse. The pencil skirt and the full length black leather gloves. I’d never wear it, but she’s actually pretty cute in this ensemble. And I love the shoes even though they look highly painful.

As for Jermaine’s outfit, tennis shoes with a suit is so very high school prom, but he looks as about as good as he’s going to look, so I’ll just say he’s “peachy keen.”

And here’s the grossness that is Ice-T and Coco. No comment.

And here’s the ridiculousness that is Ne-Yo, one of the many singers I find interchangeable from Mario, Trey Songz and Omarion due to the fact they are all trying to survive in the Usher Raymond era and the constant R. Kelly “rising pheonix” act. I’d lump Chris Brown with the interchangeables, but he actually seems to have a bit of a following. I’m sure dating Rihanna and pop-n-lock humping Ciara at the BET Awards didn’t hurt.

And this is some character named Unique. I’m clueless as to who he is, (little help, readers hipper than thou art) but I had to put him in the picture show because of how ridiculous he looks.

I’m the sort of girl who is kind of into “fey” since I love all kinds of “pretty boys” (see Holmes, Thomas James) plus Prince, Johnny Depp and Wentworth Miller, but there is a point where you become too fey for me.

You’d think since I was a Prince lover even at the height of the butt-out yellow lace pants fiasco I could stand this dude, but Prince, despite the high heels and tightly tailored outfits and a history of performing in his undies, is overtly masculine in his desire to sex you up. Forget Chris Brown and R. Kelly. Prince made stage humping an art form. So any dude who can pull off dropping the N-word in a song while rocking conked-hair-era Little Richard curls in a doo rag declaring “Sexy muthafucka shakin’ dat ass” then drop down like it’s hot and do a James Brown split can get away with looking ultra queenie.

Maybe the problem is Unique is standing on the edge of fey but won’t go the full fey. He’s got the long wavy hair and the skinny jeans, lrocking the black Orlando Bloom look, but he’s not fully committed to the fey. He’s just some weird cross-breed of Hollywood and emo and it’s not working for me. It’s very Pharell Williams, introverted white boy chic. With the giant winking eye, crooked half grin and “Who loves you, baby!” hand jive his body language looks anything but emo or introverted.

Stop sending me mixed signals, Unique!

And here’s alleged model Jaslene Gonzales, from America’s Next Top Model. She and Unique apparently decided to both rock tight little black leather jackets, but Jaslene has coordinated hers with a form fitting navy blue dress and her matching Blackberry. I’m so pleased she could stop texting long enough for the paps to get a shot.

By the way, her makeup is awful (too much blush) and I hate the dress and is she the new Eva Pigford-meets-Gabrielle Union or something because wherever black folks throw a party she is there.

And finally, The Retro Kids.

I’m starting to think they just dress this way to get into parties because these folks are everywhere.

What do they do? Do they sing? Are they a dance crew? Do they rap? Anyone know? Do they have a movie, album, TV show, reality show, clothing line coming out? Why are they so relevant they get into any party where Janet Jackson is?

Although I could say the same about Ne-Yo, Jaslene, Unique, Ice-T, Coco and Jermaine Dupri. Let’s be real. Janet Jackson is an international superstar only rivaled by her own brother Mike and professional cougar dominatrix/cool youth trend humper Madonna. She shouldn’t even know who any of these people are, but she’s with her little man, so JJ’s slumming it and loving it. Enjoy your chance to gawk at her glorious, famed ass, kiddies. Hope you all had a good time.

14 thoughts on “Happy Birthday, Jermaine Dupri!

  1. Janet’s outfir is the sharpest thing I’ve seen her in in years. No little girl, no oversexed underaged older woman past that nosense dress. She looks like a WOMAN who knows who she is and is carrying it. I keep thinking Joesphine Baker mid 30’s before gloves would have gone out in Europe. I think you are thinking 20’s for gloves in the USA

  2. snob, i was a prince fan since the “soft and wet” days…back then i knew he was going to be a star..:)janet and dupri have defied all the laws and they look happy, so i can’t say anything bad about that…on the other hand, ice t and his trick coco…what can i say that hasn’t already been said?

  3. I can see Janet (Ms. Jackson if you’re nasty) marrying Jermaine, after being in failed marriages with two pretty boys, although I don’t see what the fuss was about with either. Then again, I’m a guy. Looking at their photo together, you know Jermaine is going to treat Janet like the Queen of Sheba and he won’t rag on her when she raids the frig time to time. She needs him as much as he needs her. If I were short, I would definitely wear platform shoes like Prince. Jermaine should ditch the sneaks. They make him look more of a midget. As far as the Ice-Man goeth, in the words of R-Kelly: “I don’t see nothing wrong” with marrying a red-hot blond hootchie momma. It’s all good to me. He’s got a taste for the strippers (a la Montel Williams) and who can find fault with that? I hear they make excellent wives because they know how to keep their men happy. Regarding Unique, he’s the black Sanjaya. We can always use more androgynous males in pop culture. I really like that sexy model in the other photo. I’m wondering, though, if it’s just a drop-dead gorgeous shemale. I can’t tell them apart until it’s too late.

  4. I really like Janet’s outfit, too, robert m. Though I think American women were still wearing gloves out at least until the 1950s, maybe even the early ’60s.

  5. “So any dude who can pull off dropping the N-word in a song while rocking conked-hair-era Little Richard curls in a doo rag declaring “Sexy muthafucka shakin’ dat ass” then drop down like it’s hot and do a James Brown split can get away with looking ultra queenie.” Well. Just. Damn. But so correct and so right. I like Miss Jackson and she’s rockin’ that outfit. Ms IceT reminds me of Hulk Hogan’s ex. No comment on the rest of them. I have nfc who any of them are.

  6. reasontogether: Fey means about the same thing as effeminate. (It’s an adj. to say someone or something is “fairy like” or magical.) Traditionally it’s been used to describe men who were once called “fops” or “dandies.” These are words to describe men who are often vain and preoccupied with clothes and manners.Basically they’re all old timey words (and I love to collect those). People really don’t use fey anymore but it’s the best way to describe an effeminate man who may or may not be gay. Fey and gay aren’t the same thing. You can be “fey” (or a fop or a dandy or a “pretty boy,” which is the more modern parlance) and be straight — a la Prince. But some gay men are really, really fey as evidenced by the overuse of the “fairy/swishy/pretty” stereotype.

  7. I’m laughing to myself because I first learned of that word “fey” about 25 years ago when I saw this rare on-the-movie set photo of John Wayne. It was taken at the height of his career and he was looking svelte and debonair in a pair of swimming trunks, gingerly carrying this man-purse, with a caption that described his appearance as fey, in contrast to his normal macho image. I never heard of that word before and I rushed to the dictionary and burst out laughing when I found out what it meant. Anyway, I was trying to find that picture of Wayne a few weeks ago on the net. It’s so weird. I’m also trying to find a rare photo of James Cagney wearing a tux and doing a high-flying flip. I like odd memorabilia, in case you’re wondering.

  8. I think the Retro Kids dress like they do because of the attention. There is no way they are leaving their cribs thinking “Yes, this bleached flat top and polka dotted blazer is sooo sharp on me.” I refuse to believe so!

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