They say everything that feels good to you isn’t good for you. That was the lesson learned by this Doomed Romance contributor. She fell in love with a man who was great in the bedroom, but horrible everywhere else. But she was fortunate, she learned her lesson and found a new outlook on romance.
I have a list that I wrote one day after a terrible break up that went something like this:
Argument … more arguing … make up sex … more weeks of arguing … the inevitable break-up initiated by me … a few days later a call from a co-worker telling me how she’d been screwing my ex for a few weeks … said co-worker is known as a drunken whore … devastation … anger … death threats to him because of my concern he might have infected me with something that I couldn’t wash off … embarrassment as I sit in the gynecologist office explaining that I need to be tested for everything under the sun because I’d been cheated on … fear … more anger … waiting … many tears … the phone call that I’m perfectly healthy … joy … and finally the strength to move on.
Everything happens for a reason.
I was able to gain some clarity that I hadn’t bothered to have before. I sat my hurt and embarrassed self down and made a list of the type of man I genuinely wanted in my life. As I finished that list it was plain and obvious that I’d played my own self like boo-boo-the-fool because I’d let someone in my life that wasn’t more than a cute face, a nice ass and a great lay.
He wasn’t even half of my list. Don’t get me wrong, he was a very nice guy, but I ignored the fact that he had issues. I should have believed him every single time he told me that he wasn’t good enough for me and that I deserved better.
Here I was, an educated woman, working two jobs, living and loving life, yet dealing with and loving a loser. We really didn’t have very much in common. We fundamentally disagreed on everything other than eating, sleeping, and fucking. No, I don’t have low self-esteem, nor am I needy. I love who I am and love my life. I am a very blessed person. But, at the end of the day I pretty much let myself get dick-merized for a whole six months.
I didn’t get anything out of that relationship but some good sex, a whole bunch of headaches, and a big ass doctor’s bill because my insurance doesn’t cover testing without symptoms. All of which I could’ve easily avoided via a little imagination and a pack of AA batteries..
A few months after that experience, I ran into a guy I’d known for a couple of years through a mutual friend. He was handsome, but I’d never looked at him twice. He wasn’t really my “type” and I knew a bit about his past that I wasn’t too thrilled about. After a few long, but great phone conversations, we ended up hanging out one evening purely as friends. I have been head over heels in love with him ever since. He measures up to about 90 percent of my list, and I wouldn’t take that plus the other 10 percent from any other man if someone paid me to take it. If it hadn’t been for me freely loving a loser, I might not appreciate the amazing love and man that I have now.