Celebrity Hit Parade, Part I: Where is Russell Simmons?

Russell in his “uniform” of some variety of polo shirt, baseball cap and chinos or jeans, July 26, at a Donna Karan, Charla Lawhon and InStyle Magazine Super Saturday 11 for Ovarian Cancer Research

He’s where ever the party is.

Much like the ultimate party girl Gabrielle Union (also in this photo spread), hip hop mogul Russell Simmons pops up in a lot of places. Mainly because I gather he has nothing better to do, but hang with model chicks and go to parties, yoga, ramble about “the poets,” be a douche … the usual.

But he had some cute kids, man! Thank GOD, they take after their mama!

Here is what Russell was doing the last week in July.

Big Pimping at the Waverly Inn in NYC with “Anonymous” Model Chick, July 30

See? This is why Kimora had to let you go. You are a notorious model hound. Seriously. Who do you think you are? David Bowie or David Copperfield or Tommy Lee? Are you from an 80s rock band? Because they dated a lot of models. Like Mick Jagger and Steve Tyler of Areosmith. Also, habitual model daters. Billy Joel. The list goes on and on. Apparently if you’re a man in music of a certain tax bracket you’re supposed to escort nothing but the finest the runway has to offer. And this girl is cute enough (I guess) to kick it with the lead representative from the Lollipop Guild.

Actually, I once dated a guy who looked like an ugly Russell Simmons. Considering Simmons isn’t winning any beauty contests on his own, I can guarantee you … dude was not attractive. And he was a douche. I hope you’re not a douche, Big Russ. That would be annoying for all the models who tolerate you.

Getting it on with Good Housekeeping’s eco friendly Green House in NYC, July 30

Pictured with designer Robin Wilson, below, Big Russ did not dress up for this event. (Nor does he dress up for any event. What? A polo shirt, a baseball cap and some pants aren’t appropriate for everywhere?) Sometimes I wonder if Russ will go all weird on us, like Howard Hughes. Although, black America already has its own Howard Hughes and that’s Michael Jackson.

Russ was never handsome or dashing like Hughes. Michael was once a gorgeous slice of raw, pre-teen sex machine. He had a birthday party at Studio 54, a den of sex, drugs and decadence. Sure, he didn’t really know what sex was at the time, but man, he could project it! I miss old, black, sexy Michael Jackson so much. That’s why I stick with Prince. He’s never flipped on me, physically, only musically as he expanded his repertoire. Fifty years. Still the same musically uptight, sexually and spiritually loose freak. I adore him. Until the end of time I’ll be there for you …

Tamara Tunie, actress on one of the many Law & Order’s (methinks SVU), also attended the event sans makeup. Tamara is a beautiful woman, but Lord. Girl. Makeup. Please. She looks so washed out, pale and tired. Not flattering for an otherwise gorgeous woman of a certain age. No eyebrow pencil for those pencil thin, pale eyebrows. No lipstick to make those lovely lips pop. She looks like she just woke up and sauntered over to the shindig.

But like I said … gorgeous woman, but please put on some makeup when you now the cameras will be flashing, making you look tired, colorless and washed out.

Partying with baseballers and hip hoppers at a Vitamin Water shindig, July 14

Russell and “friend.” (Once again, WireImage is too lazy to ask names.)

Russell and Gabrielle Union. They must run into each other a lot at these sorts of shindigs. The dress feels familiar and Gabby’s roots are in dire need of a touch up. But Russ looks like Russ. The party changes, but the man’s outfits stay the same.

Unik’s Edeyo Foundation Charity Event, July 12, in the Hamptons

Maxwell, Russell, Jamie Kennedy and Unik

Russell and David Rosenberg

Russell and Jamie

Hip Hop Summit Action Network and CPX Interactive’s “Vote for It 08” Launch party, July 9

DJ Clue, Valeis
ha Butterfield
, Kevin Liles, Little X, Russell Simmons and Rocsi

Valeisha Butterfield, Kevin Liles, Little X and Russell

Russell and Dr. Ben Chavis

Russell and the ubiquitous “Mashonda.” She’s like Gabrielle Union. Everywhere. Is there no party she won’t crash?

Random Pictures

Russ at the Lily Pond Night Club for Singer22.com on July 19.

Model chick Porschla Coleman and Russ at VH1’s Save the Music Foundation Summer of Soul Concert, July 18. Nice plaid, Russell. And no hat. I’m so very, very confused. I’d assumed that thing was bedazzled to his skully.

6 thoughts on “Celebrity Hit Parade, Part I: Where is Russell Simmons?

  1. Snob funny you mention Prince and MJ. I am still recovering from 5 hours of non-stop dancing, screaming and relating at the annual DJ Spinna Soul Slam party. I swear there is nothing like hearing Don’t Stop Til You Get Enough mixed in with I Wanna Be Your Lover! And you know this entire post should have been about Maxwell. Maxwell. Maxwell. And his upcoming tour which I really hope actually HAPPENS!

  2. Am I seeing things or is Russ-Russ growing a little, erm, middle-age paunch?Where’s Porsha? Did he trade her in yet?

  3. I loved your Prince reference…and Adore happens to one of my most favorite Prince songs, I was singing the song as I read the rest the post.

  4. Dear God, Maxwell!?!?!?!?!?! I agree with heartsandflowers. LOL@ nikki_cola,He’s working on his touring set up now, according to his myspace page. 🙂

  5. Russell who? It’s all about Maxwell Rivera. Sigh. I’d better see a tour, an album and e’thing that comes with it from that man.

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