Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid.

Vivica Fox and Jessica Simpson came to party for Jessica’s 28th B-Day.

Cowgirl up.

Is there no place Vivica Fox won’t go get drunk in? Does she even work anymore because I think she’s trying to break Gabrielle Union’s record for hitting more random parties featuring people she just barely knows. How tight could V be with the Simpson sisters that she was a VIP as Jessica’s birthday party July 7th?

DJ Cassidy’s 27th Birthday Party, July 9

I’m really feeling Cassidy’s retro pink tux with burgundy bowtie. It makes him look like a douche, but a clever, indie douche which is what I think he was going for. He’s the Summer’s Eve of ironic dressers. As for Russell Simmons over there and his usually dressing for understatement or … no statement, well … at least he showed up.

Professional MAW (model/actress/whatever) Cassie manufactures herself a wind blown look by standing in front of this floor fan. So is she still trying to sing? What’s her hustle these days? She’s cute as a button. Surely Tommy Hilfiger or someone has something for her to do besides show up at parties, stand near the closest fan and pretend like she’s Madonna in “Desperately Seeking Susan.” Or she can visualize herself in slo-mo like Pheobe Cates in “Fast Times in Ridgemount High.” Dance seductively to herself like Halle Berry in “Strictly Business.” Basically, I’m saying she’s eye candy. She should stick with that.

Who are these Retro Kids? Do they have a single coming out or something because the constant emergence of their two-toned high top fades have my interests piqued. Are they concept art? A dance crew? Pranksters? Inquiring minds want to know!

Kat Deluna. Not digging the high waisted shorts. It’s not that I don’t like high waisted, let’s go back to the 1940s high waisted short, it’s just if you’re going to go retro you should commit yourself to it. Christina Aguliera does this all the times, as the 30s and 40s are among her favorite fashion periods. Wear the crisply ironed white shirt. Wear the high, shiny, ruby red closed toe high heel. Get a neck scarf and put your hair in pin curls! Commit, woman! Commit!

Lizzie Grubman and Mashonda. She may not have gotten in much trouble for running over a punch of party goers with her car, but Lizzie face still looks like it did 30 years in Rikers.

JD … The neck tats. Those google-eyes. Damn, it must be love for, Janet. It must be LOVE!!!

Another puffed up, Calvin-style, fitted cap. A red Palestinian style scarf. Aviator shades, Just-For-Me so-soft permed hair and a white T-shirt. If he didn’t already look like every other rapper out there you’d never know his name was Unique.

America’s Next Top Model winner Jaslene Gonzalez forgot something. And because she forgot that something (on purpose) she cannot bend, sit, tilt, walk, turn, nod or rotate her torso because one false move and the double stick tape could give way to a boob outage of major proportions. I get that she’s dressed for attention. (Top Model’s past is strewn with has-beens and never-wases) But she also looks like a walk-on in the soft core porno “Law and Oral: Sexual Vices Unit” and she’s Asst. District Attorney Ora Gasms. She never loses a case because of her “special technique” at procuring confessions during plea bargains.

Then she’d do a three-way with Coco and Ice-T at the end of ever episode. Finally, Ice-T could combine both his work and his disgusting pleasures. Joy to all. Get Dick Wolf on the phone Jaslene!

Young Berg. There are sometimes no words. It’s like you stole Pharrell Williams and Benji Madden’s clothes, covered yourself in Lil’ Wayne’s tats and you are still carrying that Autobot bling like a tire iron around your neck. And the fat, tongue out red Chucks? Very All-Star-esque. Pardon me while I puke up a Hot Topic.

12 thoughts on “Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid.

  1. Well Angela at least explained to me how Vivica even knows Jessica. THAT was going to be my question. The pictures though..eek.Sorry Snob, but these celeb pics are just…blech.

  2. Hi Snob,First; I hope Vivica (and Gabby Union) is getting paid to go to these parties like Paris Hilton gets paid.Second: I think Jaslene Gonzalez looks hot!Third; who the heck are Kat Deluna and Mashonda?Fourth; I thouhgt those retro kids where the same ones that are in that pic at the top left of your blog.And finally; is Unique a butch girl or a fem guy?

  3. Vivica and Jessica don’t even look like they should know each other, oh well… I cannot imagine any movie with the 2 of them being terribly good. That Jaslene chick just looks wrong, it must be my age but going outside like that makes me think she ain’t too bright. One wrong move and bam… that’s all she wrote.

  4. I don’t care is she was the winner of ANTM; chick looks REGLA.Rappers like Young Berg always disappear. Cause they look silly.Vivica. Oh Vivica. She look like a bag of plastic parts.Unique and Cat Deluna…who da hail are you and why are you relevant? No disrespect.Snob. Cassie is Shitty’s…I mean Diddy’s 21 year old jump off. He’s not pulling a Kells; she’s 21…so I can’t hate.Black snob is must be love for Janet. And you forgot one thing. That mug. JD makes too much money to have those pebbles in his mouth.

  5. i heard about all that mess shenita…yung turd has pissed off the few fans he had that bought his crap.jay-z better be glad no one picked up on same ish he puts in his music

  6. Just read about Yung Berg… WOW. …And to think, I appreciated his Transformers love but seriously dude.. You’re like 5’3, with a lisp, a (likely) fake chain, and an ugly ass scar by your eye that you have accentuated with an even uglier tattoo…Please stop. Right now. No one cares what you think and your pool test is ridiculous. The paper bag test would work better.

  7. was viv banned from the bet awards afterparty or something? i mean…partying with jessica simpson…

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