I had so many pictures left in the Inbox over the weekend that I did not have the time to get to them all. To spare us both of the world’s longest celebrity photo spread, I’m going to run one half of the backlog today and the other tomorrow. Last week Will Smith’s new flick “Hancock” premiered and although I did not go see the film, I did look at the pictures from its red carpet debut. And while Will will always been the goofy “Fresh Prince” to me, Jada is knock’em out the park like it’s nobodies business. Why-o-why is she not acting? Le sigh.
Here are last week’s best of the best.
Someone needs to slip Will his lithium. I think he’s having another episode of … world’s greatest movie producer! All actors flak on behalf of their projects but Will always seems to take it to a shinier, creepier level of late. He told Stephen Colbert he’s trying to break Tom Cruise’s record for spending the most time at the rope line greeting fans and signing autographs. On one hand, wonderful! Great to know you’re a man of the people. But on the other, dear Lord! Would you calm down? You’re two steps from jumping on a couch!
That’s too much sexy. Stop playing.
Jaden and Willow Smith. They are the coolest looking celebrity kids since Maddox Jolie-Pitt rocked a Mohawk.
Hey it’s Trey! The other Smith. And he looks almost exactly like dad. And he’s practically man-sized. It seems like just yesterday he was the product of Will’s starter marriage. Once again, kids should not look that cool, further bolstering my stealth campaign for Will Smith as Barack Obama’s VP. Can you imagine Smith’s telegenic family of five next to the telegenic Obamas’ family of four? The cool meter would break, despite the fact that here Will is looking like Farnsworth Bentley. Where’s yo umbrella, Will?
Will and former “Fresh Prince” co-star Tatyana Ali
Damon’s “Wife and Kids” co-star, Tisha Campbell looking lovely in yellow. And she’s smartly covering that Tyra Banks level forehead.
Tia Mowry. I love Tia (and her twin Tamara). I wanted to be them when I was a teen watching “Sister, Sister” but I don’t know how I feel about this dress. I love the gold color. It looks great with her skin. And she’s so thin and pretty she could pretty much wear anything. But the ruffles? And the back ruffles that makes her look like a flamenco dancer who’s skirt was chopped in half. And I’m not feeling the shoes at all, but overall, I think she makes the ruffles work rather than have the ruffles work her. Fashion warning: I don’t think anyone else should attempt this look without some close consultation of your friends and some strangers who won’t spare your feelings.
Actor Chi McBride and Julissa Marquez
It’s the 90s REBORN! John Witherspoon, Damon Wayans and Sinbad. My parents loved Sinbad. They saw him twice when he came to St. Louis. They own his “Brain Damage” cassette tape. (Tee hee, cassette tape.) At his peek, he was hilarious and my parents liked that he kept it clean enough that we could all watch his specials on TV together. What the hell happened to Sinbad? He did movies and everything in the 90s. Sure, he was no Eddie Murphy but he had to be at least as good or better than Martin Lawrence.
Will, I don’t know if I’d want my son that close to Diddy and one of his spawn. I’m sure Christiam Combs is a nice enough kid, but it’s only a matter of time until he’ll be throwing diamonds up in the air, sippin’ Cristal and twirling over and over to hot beats he didn’t make and rapping lyrics he did not write. It’s a slippery slope, Will! Slippery slope!
Will horsing around with his daughter Willow
Tia and her newlywed husband Cory Hardict.
Tyrese Gibson, chocolaty and delicious
Vivica Fox was there for the Hancock premiere and is shockingly nice looking. I sometimes forget that at a point when Vivica’s career was blooming she starred opposite Will Smith in “Independence Day.” I never understood why the producers cast her as a stripper named Jasmine. Considering that her character was secondary they could have p
icked any career or back story on why Will’s character was told to be wary of marrying her. Vegas Showgirl. Former drug addict. A criminal record. Hoodrat. They only picked stripper so she could be half naked for two seconds standing in the vicinity of a pole.
Above is Will and Jamie Foxx, clowning per usual. Amazingly, Jamie has done a film with Will’s new BFF Tom Cruise, but Will has not. What is it Will? Is it Tom’s high level of toxicity right now because I know you wouldn’t want anything to interfere with your ability to pull $65 million + opening weekends. Below is Will and American Idol reject turned rocker Chris Daughtry.
Missy Elliot Surprise Birthday Party
New York City, June 30
Missy looks like Missy as Pepa comes dangerously close (yet again) to drag queenish status. The giant fancy black and lace bra, that weird black sweater top. The white jeans. The superweave. But … I guess it’s not that bad as the hallmark of women who look like drag queens is radio syphilis carrier Wendy Williams. Pepa actually has a pretty face, framed nicely by the superweave. And her body, while muscular, is often banging. The same cannot be said for Williams. So I take it back, Pepa. You just look a little tacky. Not a drag queen.
Model/singer(?) Cassie, producer Dallas Austin and some random chick. I don’t know much about this “Cassie” person, but I really did like her single “Long Way 2 Go.” If I were 15 I would be making up elaborate dance routines to it in my parent’s basement.
USA Mens Olympic Basketball Team
New York City, June 30
I’m sorry. I’ve never had a case of that LeBron James fever that’s going around, but he is one of the best players in the league (with a weak supporting cast). They really need to shore up the rest of the team lest they want LeBron to toil in the same hell Kevin Garnett dwelled in before coming to Boston.
I know that Kobe irritates people. As a Laker fan, he even irritates me by being such a drama queen, but I’d still like to see him rise to the occasion and post 60 points in a game that actually mattered.
Like in the playoffs. No big!
Don’t let Jason Kidd’s paleness fool you. Everything else about hims screams BLACK MAN!!!
Dwayne Wade. Ho
pe you either get rescued from Miami or that Miami will get their shit together. You don’t deserved to be on such a horrendous team.
Win the gold! But no pressure. I mean, do your best. But, Kobe, Dwayne, Jason, Bron-Bron — win the gold. For reals.
I don’t know how I feel about Kerry Washington’s outfit. She’s quite the little fashionista and for some reason I really like the ensemble. It’s unconventional yet feminine and has a very 1950s vibe going. And the skirt’s pattern has this lovely Monet quality to it, making me think of his paintings of water lillies. Separate, nothing she has on matches, but together it’s quite arresting.
Zhang Ziyi is one of my favorite Chinese actresses. I’m grateful she chose to stay primarily with Asian cinema rather than take the bait post-Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon to nakedly pursue stardom in the states. She’s only done two American films to my knowledge — “Rush Hour 2” and the screen adaptation of “Memoirs of a Geisha” and both limited her range to a violent petite thug and a white man’s interpretation of what a Japanese Geisha is. Never mind all the controversy of casting Chinese actresses to play Japanese women.
I saw both films and they confirmed, once again, why I’m glad Ziyi primarily does all her work in Asia. In Hollywood her talents would largely be a waste no matter how hard she worked on her accent. Lucy Liu and Kelly Hu are from here and can’t operate out of dragon lady or sex object dichotomy while sometimes faking a stilted Asian accent because Asian people aren’t supposed to sound like Americans according to Hollywood. Somehow Sandra Oh, a more unconventional actress who is conventionally pretty, managed to avoid this fate and portrays vastly more nuanced roles as a sometimes comedic character actress.
I don’t watch much Disney so I’ll be honest, I didn’t have a clue who Vanessa Hudgens was until “Naked Pictures On the Internet-Gate” happened. I’d wrongly assumed she was a Christian pop singer from her album cover.
Like countless Disney starlets before her she had the audacity to turn out to be yet another sexually curious/active teenager exploring their boundaries via email and text messaging. While I realize the wholesome Disney-tot route can lead to googobs of cash (see Miley Cyrus) it also seems stifling and in conflict to who you are in real life (see Miley Cyrus). I personally hope she’ll bounce back from this and have a lengthy career of being terrorized in horror pics or frolicking about in middling romantic comedies. Maybe she could cut a hip hop/R&B album, pulling a move from Mouse House escapees Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears and Justine Timberlake.
TRL, MTV studios
New York City, July 1
I don’t know who this “Young Berg” is but I’m liking his sense of humor. Although rocking a bling’ed out Autobots logo is a little audacious, bordering on pop culture vulgarity, it works with his little doll there.
Three 6 Mafia being Three 6 Mafia.
Marc Anthony receives an honorary award
Palazzo Marino, July 1
Oh my God! A reanimated corpse is giving a press conference! Run, lady, before he eats your brains! Oh wait. That’s just singer Marc Anthony and Grand Diva Jennifer Lopez.
Janet Jackson and Jermaine Dupri. I wonder if the other Jacksons and their friends do a lot of Jermaine/Jermaine jokes with Janet having a poorly dressed, S-Curl addicted brother of the same name. Who’s sexier? JD or JJ?
London, July 2
This is the Jigga Man as a “dapper rapper.” He’s here hosting some event for GQ in London. Why? I’ll never know. Maybe he owns a shitload of stock in GQ’s publisher. Maybe it’s because he just looked oh-so-Camel Joelicious! But where is Beyonce? I’m tired of pulling celeb pics off of WireImage of celebrities without their more famous others. Jermaine should never be pictured with Janet Jackson in close proximity. Nick Cannon should be a non-issue unless Mariah is around. And Jay-Z, due to his high level of fug, shouldn’t be photographed without Beyonce to distract us from that face. Like this is a picture of Jay TRYING to be so fresh, so clean but having the wonderfulness of his suit ruined by his mug.