Me: Hello. My name is The Black Snob and I’m a Michelle-a-holic.
Group: Hi, Snob.
Me: I guess it started a year ago. When I first saw Barack Obama I didn’t know how to feel about him. He seemed nice enough, a smart guy. But I wasn’t feeling it, you know? Then I saw Michelle and I was like, “Wow. I know that type of sister. I grew up with that type of sister and I want to see her in the White House more than anything in the world.”
Group: Mmm. Hmm. Preach, sister.
Me: I love her. From her killer bob hair to her trendy flat shoes. I couldn’t stop collecting pictures of her and writing about her. I wanted to learn every thing I could about her from her Ivy League education to her South side Chicago upbringing. There’s only one word that can describe Michelle and that’s “badassery.” (The act of being a “bad ass.”) She has so much badassery it’s not even funny. People think it is attitude but that is just Michelle letting loose her bad-ass all over you. And some MFers can’t stand the heat.
Group: It’s gettin’ hot in herre! (So hot!) I wanna go out and vote. I am gettin’ so hot I wanna vote Obama!
Me: I say, burn, baby, burn! All her speeches are spittin’ hot fire. Michelle is my “shero” and I don’t care who knows! I ain’t afraid to say it out loud. Michelle in 2016! Michelle for Secretary General of the United Nations! Michelle for Pope! Michelle for commander of NATO! Michelle for “New Oprah!”
Group: She’s the other big “O!”
Me: She’s smart. She’s successful. She speaks her mind. She dresses ever-so-fly. She’s got gorgeous daughters and a solid man on her arm. Michelle-a-holics! Can you dig it?
Group: Yes we can!
Me: See? Folks don’t understand people like us. We are misunderstood. They don’t know about “the blackness.” We couldn’t shake the blackness loose if we tried because it got us when we were young and it ain’t never let go. They don’t know us. What they call “hate,” we call tellin’ it like it is. Truth hurts, too bad! A sister will tell you the truth. She’ll tell you if your wig ain’t on straight. If your pants are too tight. If you need to spit that gum out your mouth because you can’t chew gum in church! Child, SPIT THAT GUM OUT!
Group: SPIT IT OUT! HALLELUJAH!
Me: I mean, she is a sister. She is a sister’s sister. When we think of a black woman, of who we want to be like, be best friends with, emulate, it’s Michelle. Folks don’t get it. She’s our kind of woman. She’s our mother. She’s our cousin. She’s our best friend. She’s our auntie. She is our ever-fly even in old age Grannies. We know Michelle and she is one of us. How can WE NOT love one of us?
Group: Go ‘head. You ain’t never lied.
Me: So I don’t care. I’m an addict. Anyone who disses Michelle is a hater. But don’t worry. She will keep on keepin’ on because you can’t keep a good Michelle down. She only knows one direction and that’s up.
Group: Keep risin’ to the top!
Me: Cause I ain’t anti-Cindy McCain, ya’ll. I am pro-Michelle! And in the name of that old Negro disco anthem by McFadden and Whitehead, ain’t no stopping us now! We got the groove! We’re on the move! Don’t you stand in our way! Sing it with me!
There’s been so many things thats held us down.
But now it looks like things are finally comin’ around.
I know we’ve got, a long long way to go,
and where we’ll end up, I don’t know.
But we won’t let nothin’ hold us back,
we’re putting our selves together,
we’re polishing up our act!
If you felt we’ve been held down before,
I know you’ll refuse to be held down anymore!
Don’t you let nothing, nothing,
Stand in your way!
I want ya’ll to listen, listen,
to every word I say, every word I say!
Ain’t No Stoppin Us Now!
We’re on the move!
Ain’t No Stoppin Us Now!
We’ve got the groove!
Me: Let the Michelle-a-holic group say, amen.
Me: And now for some pictures of Michelle!
Here is Michelle on June 20, addressing about 900 people at the National Partnership for Women and Families annual luncheon in Washington, DC. I’m loving the purple feather pin on this suit jacket. And the hair is cut, as always, with laser precision. One thing that annoys me a bit is that sometimes there are way more unflattering pictures of Michelle than good pictures.
It reminds me a bit of how the photo editors would do Hillary Clinton and pick the fugliest picture out of the batch to use for her. Things haven’t got too out of hand yet, but I swear, the women does smile. I’d prefer they’d get more pictures of her grinning than those that make her look like a South American socialist dictator giving her manifesto against the United States.
Michelle addressed a women’s group in Manchester, NH on June 26. The light grayish-green leaf print dress and matching sweater was a nice, sweet understatement with her usual dollop of class, topped with a pair of solo pearl earrings.
I almost feel the need to type one of those Us Weekly headlines like: Michelle Obama is just like us! She goes to her daughter’s soccer match! On July 1, the Obamas attended Malia’s youth “futbol” game in Chicago. Cute!
On June 19 the Obamas posed for a family portrait by photographer Martin Schoeller (not shown) at their Chicago home. Are these pictures out yet because, per usual, I NEED to see them, stat! I need my fix! Nothing melts my heart more than Michelle, her man and her kids.
And the belt returns! She rocked it with a lovely black outfit at the Gay and Lesbian Leadership Council. I knew she couldn’t resist coordinating another outfit with her favorite belt. Obviously this sucker must have wonder powers. Like Batman’s belt. Or Wonder Woman’s belt. Maybe there’s a “lasso of truth” attached to it. That has to come in handy with a husband and two kids.