Famous people, mostly dressed badly, standing in front of cameras and getting their pictures taken. It’s a hard job, but they were all just sober enough to do it. Here are my favorites from the past week.
I have mixed feelings for Rihanna. I’m probably not in the demographic for her music, but I have to admit, she looks pretty adorable here trying to be all dark and sexy with the heavy eyeliner like a high schooler trying to age-it-up to get liquor at a club she’s too young to get into. Rocking Halle Berry’s hair of almost 15 years ago. Awww! Try not to throw up from downing all those shots of Cuervo Black!
I thought this was an accident when I first saw it on WireImage. Like someone teleported a photo from 1992 into Rihanna’s shindig. But, no, this is a group called The Retro Kids. And I’m lovin’ the kente cloth vest, bi-colored high top fades and tortoiseshell glasses making them look like some weird mash-up of Kid n’ Play, Kwame, “Don’t Be Cruel” era Bobby Brown and Troop.
Nice. I’m feelin’ it. I won’t wear those clothes again (no Cross Colors?), but I’m feelin’ it.
Also, kind of frightened that at 30 the music of my youth is “retro.” I prefer “out of style.”
But speaking of “Don’t Be Cruel” era Bobby Brown …
This isn’t him.
No. It’s old, formerly (currently?) cracked out, Whitney-less Bobby Brown. The self-proclaimed “King of Stage” took the stage, along with the rest of New Edition, at the ASCAP Rhythm and Soul Awards June 23.
“Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky and Mike, if I love a girl who cares who you like!” (Ralph and Johnnie too, yeah … word tha mutha!)
And if that passage made no sense to you, my word, I am so depressed now. And why is Ralph Tresvant bald? I loved Ralph when I was in junior high (not more than I loved Tevin Campbell because I loved no one more than Tevin at the time.) But I still listen to Ralph’s solo album to this day. I can’t listen to his whiny rap on the track “Rated R” without laughing (who can?), but “Do What I Gotta Do” still holds up well.
Other people found to be still alive at the ASCAP Rhythm and Soul Awards …
Tichina Arnold (I’m a little weirded out by her side-boobage.)
And alleged Pussycat Doll Melody Thorton and her hideous peek-a-boo toe high heeled boots.
The lanky NBA Finals champ (finally) Kevin Garnett in Manhattan, NY.
Cellphone assassin/professional clothes wearer Naomi Campbell doing something good (as she is wont to do). This time she was lending her criminal star shine to the Africa Rising Festival June 25. Naomi is all about the motherland. Although I am concerned about this wig she has on.
She makes too much money to be wearing something that looks like what I can purchase at a King’s Beauty Supply on West Florissant. (That’s North St. Louis County for the non-St. Louisans. The Koreans have the fake hair, beauty product market on lock.)
Rosario Dawson looking very, very pretty in white on June 22. The bag is an Eco bag she designed for some save the earth thingy for Absolute Vodka. Oh, Rosario. I don’t believe there was much “designing” going on with this bag, but you look almost dainty and ethereal for a crazy, crazy woman.
I’m assuming this jacket is for warmth as Rihanna leaves Madison Square Garden June 18 after show with Ne-Yo because it’s totally ruining what looks like a pretty cute cocktail dress. It’s a little “jazz hands” and Solid Gold, but it’s cute on her.
Ne-Yo. I realize this is because I’m not hip like I used to be, but I tend to get Ne-Yo confused with Mario, Trey Songz, Ray J and Omarion. Technically, I know who Ray J is. Before he used to be just Brandy’s little brother. Now he’s that gross guy with the porn tape. But vocally there’s a lot of crossover going on and it doesn’t help that they’re all basically weaker versions of Usher Raymond and I hate Usher Raymond.
Look away! Look away!
Whew. That was a close one. I almost looked JD in the eye … wait, OHMYGOD WHAT IS THAT???!
Hot Dollar. That has to be a joke right? Hot Dollar sounds like a pimp Eddie Griffin once played in an Ice Cube production.
Evan Ross. As a fan of boys who sometimes look like girls … you look great, Son-of-Diana … Brother-of-Tracee. Even if you do have on over-sized aviator shades and the way you’re grabbing your belt is evocative of Michael Jackson’s crotch grabbing era of the 1990s. Never did one man grab his crotch so much in order to pantomime sexual prowess. What’s sad is I feel like that had a lot to do with Motown marketing him as a sex symbol at ten. I’m sure that didn’t screw him up at all.
Now go eat something, Evan. You’re wasting away.
Jurnee Smollett. I love you, but I’m not supposed to see your bra. Try some double-stick tape next time. Also, not feeling your outfit, but you’ve transitioned pretty well from child actress to … whatever you’re going for here. You’re a good actress, though. You’ve always had the chops. Just don’t get all tricked out with fake boobs and start making “Me sooo sexy” faces all the time like your “Eve’s Bayou” co-star Meagan Good. I love her too and she is almost too sexy, leading me to opine, less can be more.
Ashanti’s 1920s hair and Nelly
Big Boi and actor Ryan Philippe (never noticed those flame tats on Ryan’s arm before. Were those there pre- or post-divorce from Reese?) And it’s still disturbing how he still looks like he could be Justin Timberlake’s brother. He also looks like he could kick Justin’s ass, but that’s why Ryan’s sexier than Mr. SexyBack. Don’t talk about it, be about it, Justin!
I don’t know who’s scarier here. Lil’ Kim with her blonde wing, fake lashes and general bleached out look; Diddy looking puffy with his slight paunch, cap curiously backwards; or Lil’ Wayne … no words there.
I’ll be safe and say it’s a tie between the two “lil’s.”
Hmmm … with this hat I’m wondering …
Separated at birth?