Love Will Keep Us Together

Can you feel the love?

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww, yeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhh!

I’m aware that some people are still waiting for the other shoe to drop in this marriage of convenience, but I’m sorry. I don’t see that coming. Everyone has too much to lose here. Barack wants to be president. Hillary wants to be president … someday. He wants her supporters. She wants help with her debt. It might forced, calculated and formal, but this is it.

I have to suppress the eye-rolling with the pundits and political reporters who went from wondering why Clinton was still in the race to asking Barack if he would pick Clinton as his VP to calling for Clinton to endorse Barack.

Then when she did endorse him, they glossed over the fact that she was pretty effusive and gracious. Then the pundits whined and cried when the Clintons, both of them, politely went into the background leaving them wondering where the Clintons were and why they hadn’t seen them. And now that Hillary and Barack have been talking they want to know where Bill Clinton is and what was up with his tersely worded statement that he’d support Barack. What did that mean? The pundits cried. WHAT DID THAT MEAN???

I suspect that if Barack does become president, come inaugural day the chattering class will celebrate this historic moment by asking, “but what do the Clintons’ think?

I realize some people hate the Clintons. Well, I hate the people covering the Clintons. That’s why I’m staging an intervention. Pundits, I hate to have to tell you this but you’re addicted to the Clintons. Seriously. And it’s hurting everyone who watches you.

You could talk about Barack and his campaign, but nooooo. Even when Bill and Hill are not out whoring for news you’re still in the studio and at your news desks wondering why they aren’t out whoring for news. This must be a trick, you cry! Ummm … they lost, assholes. That’s why you haven’t seen or heard from them. It’s over.

On “Hardball” last night Chris Matthews spent, like, three minutes talking about John McCain and the other 45 minutes talking about Barack, Hillary and Bill. The damn primary is over and they’re still following the “Where the Clintons go, news shall follow” policy.

Sometimes I wonder if it ever occurred to them that maybe Barack didn’t want Bill Clinton doing a whole bunch grandstanding and clogging up his spotlight with a big attention grabbing endorsement to obscure his wife’s big attention grabbing stumping for Obama. So he doesn’t want to show up with him. Fine. Didn’t all you pundits agree he was a liability who harmed his wife’s campaign? So now you want him to show up and ruin Barack’s campaign? Let the man stay in Europe for God’s sake. Let him move there, if he so pleases. After all, he didn’t run against Barack in the primary. HIS WIFE DID. And she’s going to stump with the man. Love conquers all. Move on.

Stop beating a dead Clinton campaign and cover the general election, dammit! John McCain is fumbling around in the dark and all you can think about is how to get your Clinton fix. When Bill went back to working for his charity I saw Jack Cafferty in an alley freebasing Ron Paul just to make it through the day. If only they could boil the Clintons down to a hard rock substance that you could smoke to get your high.

I just want to tell you, Michelle Bernard, Chris Matthews, Andrea Mitchell, Tucker Carlson, Wolf Blitzer, George Will, Maureen Dowd, et al — I’m taking your Clinton Crack Pipe away. You can have it back when the Clintons actually do something newsworthy like, convince Chelsea to move to Rhode Island and run for governor. Or when Hill and Bill run for United Nations Secretary General and Pope.

I got that line from Saturday Night Live, but I digress …

If you’re a pundit or political news reporter and you are for some reason reading by blog, I suggest that you take this handy quiz to see if you may be a Clinton Crack Addict.


When you see a picture of Barack Obama do you think, “I wonder if Bill Clinton cheated on Hillary with Gina Gershon?”

Did you stake out the home of Dorothy Rodham for eight days straight just to accost her in a grocery store asking if Hillary was “emotional” over her $25 million in campaign debt and if she’d cried to her recently about how “sad” she was over not winning?

When you see a picture of John McCain do you think, “McCain-Clinton ’08? It could happen.”

Did you name your dog or cat “Billary?”

Do you end every report, “But what does Hillary want?”

When you look at a picture of Barack with black voters do you indistinctly want to refer to them as ex-Bill Clinton supporters?

When you see a picture of Mitt Romney do you think, “He would make a good Secy. of Commerce in a McCain-Clinton Administration … wait, no! In a CLINTON-McCain administration! Yes! Yes! That could happen, right? Right?”

Does the Secret Service have your name on file because they caught you inside Hillary Clinton’s Washington, D.C. home trying on her pantsuits?

Are you doodling “Chelsea Clinton 2024” over and over on your reporter’s notebook?

If you answered yes to any of these answers, you sir or madam, are a Clinton Crack Addict. Please, get thee to Betty Ford stat, lest you catch Baracknaphobia (or Barachphilla. Both are potentially troublesome). And try to space out the politics with some war coverage. We do have two, TWO wars going on. Just a suggestion.

6 thoughts on “Love Will Keep Us Together

  1. Black Snob.You are a truly a gifted and talented political writer. And you make it look so easy. Trust. I read your blog erry or close to erry damn day and sometimes you sum it alll up so well I can’t even comment.As for the Clinton-Crack Addiction we all know that the media aims for ratings. First and Foremos. For always and forever more. So if they’ve got to race bait, sex bait, and garbage bait, it will have to substitute for real journalism.

  2. Yes. The press loves a good fight. And Clinton v. Obama was the greatest gift the political gods ever gave them. It was fun for me too (sort of). But it’s kind of sad to watch a bunch of pundits jonesing for a fix begging for Bill Clinton to do something, ANYTHING, so they can report on it. In reality, all that crying over his tersely worded statement was more about them. They didn’t care if Obama felt snubbed. They felt snubbed! How dare Bill Clinton not do something big and embarrassing! What will they talk about?Also, a big part of the problem is the 24-hour news format. They got to fill it with something. They chose crap. Crap, I say!And I’m glad you like the blog. I have a lot of fun writing it.

  3. The MSM knows that it was sitting on a bunch of stories that they were waiting to release WHEN Hillpatine was the nominee. Now, they see all those potential ratings go down the tubes. That’s why they’re bending over backwards to put her on the ticket. Poll after poll say that Obama IS consolidating his Democratic support AND getting Indpendent support, AND winning in all the battleground states and doing better than he should in a number of other states..But, they have every interest in forcing Hillpatine on the ticket. Ratings for them.JUST SAY HELL NOto Hillpatine being on the ticket.

  4. rikyrah: I think the press is more drama oriented than pro-Hillary. The Clintons bring a ton of drama with them and they enjoy getting drunk off of it, hyping it and obsessing over it. It’s the same reason why they ran clips of Rev. Wright around the clock. Conflict and hype makes good ratings. It doesn’t necessarily make good news, but ratings! That would be the only reason why they’d want an Obama-Clinton ticket. (Even though almost all the pundits agree that would a horrible, horrible thing for Obama … not them. But Obama.)The McCain-Obama fight doesn’t have the same brand name, history driven, history making ring to it. It’s harder to sell tickets to. That’s why I said it’s going to be more Obama v. The Machine, re: the Republican political machine, rather than Obama v. McCain because McCain is a pretty unappealing candidate on both sides whether placed beside either Clinton or Obama. There’s no sizzle in that steak. No one’s excited about him at all. I don’t even care for writing about him.Both Barack and Hillary brought passionate supporters, drama and conflict. The media just doesn’t want it to end. They probably wish the national election was like mayoral elections in St. Louis where it doesn’t matter who the Republicans nominate. The Democratic race is the only race that matters. For better or worse, we haven’t had a Republican mayor since 1933.

  5. I read this yesterday and was cracking up. Then on my way home from school yesterday I was listening to NPR and they mentioned the trip to Unity, NH by Obama and Clinton. They then proceeded to play a CLINTON soundbyte, and nothing from Obama. And I was like, Clinton Crack Addicts on my radio!!

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