I didn’t run my celebrity photo essay on Friday (I was helping a friend out that day. She’s pregnant and I offered to help out around the house.) So this is a make-up feature with some new material from over the weekend. Including an Essence gala feature Kanye West’s ex-fiancee Alexis Phifer, notables frightening me at Canada’s Much Music Awards and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson looking delicious but needing a shave.
Per usual, I encourage you to add your own observations to the hit parade.
Aspiring designer and ex of Kanye, Alexis Phifer kind of looks like MTV’s Real World Los Angeles alum Tami Roman in this picture. I don’t know how to feel about the dress, which is kind of cute on her, but also reminds me of toilet paper.
Keyshia Cole. She’s cute, but I’m not feeling the anything she has on.
I have no idea who this “Mashonda” person is, but she’s in nearly every picture at this event.
I’m going to assume Toyota is some kind of sponsor considering everyone is posing like this is Low Riders International.
It didn’t start out that bad …
Her hair was cute.
Then the “WTF?” alarm started blaring over the weird white harness looking faux suspenders.
And it only gets worse from here.
I’m just going to say it. She looks like she’s auditioning for an all-female version of the Village People, but I can’t tell if she’s a cop, soldier or a sailor in her pleather pants.
As for other WTF moments. Did you know New Kids On the Block are back?
I was never a big NKOTB fan (it’s all about New Edition), but I would be lying if I didn’t admit to liking a few songs (which all managed to get played on BET back in the day).
While the “bad boy” of the group, Donnie Wahlberg (the lesser Wahlberg because it’s ALL about Marky Mark and his Calvins) won me over as a cop on the aborted NBC drama “Boomtown,” my favorite New Kid is/was Jordan Knight because I bought his solo album seven years ago and it was a nice dose of pop. I especially loved his take on Prince’s “I Would Never Take the Place of Your Man” by slowing it down and making it a ballad.
That said, who wanted this? What sick bastard was demanding to hear “Hanging Tough” one more ‘gain? Was it the gays? Was it the 30 year old women who watched that crappy New Kids cartoon back in the early 90s? Who, dammit?
Just get on the floor and do the New Kids dance!
And now for some randomness …
Here’s the pop n’ lock, break dancing crew Jabbawockeez. I won’t make fun of them because I totally have a B-boy fetish that knows no bounds. Even if it’s cheesy. I see a guy do the robot and I fall in love. I honestly cannot tell you why. B-boys are just sexy to me. They can dance and they are always in excellent shape. I’ve never met a B-boy who was a complete asshole. They reduce me to giggles and blushing. In Bakersfield there was a breaker I knew who I called “Farm Boy” in my head because he always wore plaid shirts and had red hair. Alone he looked unassuming. But put down some cardboard and he suddenly came alive the most magnetic man in the world with that big smile and all the spinning.
But I’m going to stop writing about it now because if I go on for too long it starts to get embarrassing and all TMI — too much information. So I’ll leave you with this: I have a B-boy fetish. It is the only fetish I have. I don’t advertise that, lest I have every skeevy guy who studied a Darrin’s Dance Grooves video pushing up on me.
As if the Pussycat Dolls weren’t ridiculous enough, now we have Girlicious. They have a “I’m hotter than you” song called “Like Me.” It doesn’t suck. But then I like crappy dance pop. I own an Eden’s Crush album.
Seriously, it totally did not suck that hard. There were some good tracks on there.
But I have utter disdain for the Pussycat Dolls. Other than their overplayed “Don’t Cha” I’ve found them dull. But hey. If you have abs and you’re willing to be half nekkid all the time, I say go for it.
You could do worse.
And her is Dwayne Johnson, aka The Rock, gorgeous as ever, but in need of a shave at a premiere event of his new film “Get Smart,” where he stars with Anne Hathaway and Steve Carrell. (I love all three actors so I will be plunking down my $7.50.) This premiere was held in Las Vegas as a part of his charity The Rock Foundation. (The Rock loves the kids!) He received a Brenden Star inside of the Palms Casino Hotel.