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I heard the craziest thing today …


West Virginia had a primary! Who knew? And Hillary Clinton apparently won! Shocking! And am I being sarcastic? YES! YES, I AM!

Everyone (and by everyone I mean the punditocracy) say that what will REALLY matter is her victory speech. Will it be a go-along-get-along speech? Or will she show up on a motorcycle, shotgun in tow, half her face blown off to reveal she is, in fact, a cyborg, wearing sunglasses and proclaiming “I’ll be back … in June!” while James Cameron’s film score thunders in the background?

Because if she did that, that would be pretty fucking awesome. It would be annoying too. But I love Terminator 2, so it would still be pretty awesome all the same.

Now think! Think, Snob! How will Chris Matthews manage to make this all more important than it is by being overtly sexist? Ooo! Ooo! Glenn Close reference! Wait. Someone already did that. Aah, I know Sharon Stone reference. She is a Clintonista. No! Too sexual and creepy. And “Single White Female” and “The Hand that Rocks the Cradle” aren’t quite apropos.

I’ll play it safe. He’ll say something about pantsuits and her voice being irritating.

That, and how hopeless her campaign is …

And how he secretly hopes it never ends.

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3 thoughts on “I heard the craziest thing today …

  1. Oh yeah, “I’ll be back” definitely came near the end of the speech. As well as something like “And I’ll keep coming back” about midway through.No cyborg/Terminator costume though

  2. redstar: Did she at least massacre 30 people, preferably by punching one through the stomach, then stealing another’s clothes before jacking the Secret Service limo and taking out 17 cops at a WV police station?Because that could have made up for her lack of costume.

  3. starrie says:

    they sure kept this wv primary on the dl…i didn’t realize it was yesterday until i turned on the news this morning…obama knew he wasn’t going to win it and had already moved on…interesting how the media coverage on this was anemic (atleast in my opinion)because perhaps we all knew clinton was going to win and no one really cared…

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