Everyone take your brain out for a breather … the Associated Press is reporting that allegedly Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon got married.
Just … just let the stupidity envelop you. Nick Cannon, who’s not funny, and Mariah Carey, my favorite Photoshop Diva, have tied the knot, allegedly, in the Bahamas, allegedly. And can I say “allegedly” enough? No I can’t. Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly.
According to several published reports, Carey, 38, married Cannon, 27, on Wednesday. Neither Carey’s publicist nor Cannon’s manager returned requests from The Associated Press for comment.
If the pair did indeed wed, it would be a whirlwind romance. Word that the two were seeing each other first surfaced in the last few weeks. Last Saturday, Carey was seen sporting a huge diamond ring on her finger at the Tribeca Film Festival premiere of her movie, “Tennessee,” in which she plays a waitress. Cannon was at her side at the party. Speculation swirled that the couple were engaged.
I smell fix because this makes no sense. Mariah Carey and Derek Jeter, that was hot not-black-black-person sandwich. Mariah Carey and Eminem. Dysfunctional, but Mariah’s kind of trashy so it still made sense. Nick Cannon of Nickelodeon? This does not compute.
This is the same Nick Cannon who seems to do pretty women drive-by relationships. Who seems to hop on whatever chick is hot at the moment — from singer Christina Milian and Negrophile Kim Kardashian and Victoria’s Secret model Selita Ebanks. If she’s got cache, he wants to cash in.
Feel free to give all this the alleged side-eye.