Some gorgeous men are hard to find. In Hollywood and on the internet they’re damn near impossible.
Dear fellow Black Snobs,
As some of you may have noticed, when I am stressed out or bored I collect pictures of celebrities. Nothing like lots and lots of pretty people staring back at me, it’s great. But my long running complaint has been the sheer lack of gorgeous layouts of black, Asian or Latino men.
What the hell, Hollywood?
When you search online you can find reams of famous white male actors photographed in all these sumptuous, gorgeous, artistic and provocative ways. The women get the same treatment, although they’re often more sexually charged. And even the sistas, as invisible as we are in the mass media, there are tons of gorgeous, professionally done, sexy, artistic, fierce and classy pictures of us floating around.
But when it comes to men of color, especially black and Asian men, it’s like searching for needles in a haystack. Most of the pictures of black male celebrities look cheap and poorly thrown together no matter how sexy the man is. (Which is a fucking insult. Seriously. Black and Asian men are hot. My word!) The pictures (if black) either tart him up like the male version of a cheesecake pin-up (see “Moore, Shemar“) or they are treated to a photo that looks like it was shot at Sears.
As for the hot Asian men. What hot Asian men? Did the internet ban all pictures of the hot boys of Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Filipino, etc. descent? Why haven’t I seen a new picture of Rick Yune in, like, five years? Why won’t people do lengthy photo editorials of Kal Penn?
There have been many, MANY times I have threatened to create a “Vanity Fair” style magazine dedicated to all attractive famous people. (Start-up money, anyone?) One where Beyonce is as likely to rock the cover as Kate Winslet. Where Lucy Liu isn’t crammed in the back and treated like a weird fetish. Where black women get to look gorgeous outside of “Essence.” And where men, all men, could be told how hot they all are all the time.
Vanity Fair Magazine does this, but primarily focuses on the whiter end of the entertainment industry. As much as I love the magazine I’m routinely frustrated how their editorial content (fascinating and well-written) and photography (the best this side of Vogue) mix with the “ghettoization” of black actors and actresses. The fact that Joy Bryant and Taye Diggs (Gah, Taye Diggs!) were (NSFW) both naked in Tom Ford’s Hollywood issue of VF irritated me on no end. Sure. There was a LOT of nudity (primarily white female, disembodied, sexiest nudity), but Taye was the ONLY man who was naked. All the other men were done up as masters of their own universe with a gratuitous amount of naked white women around them. I’m not saying they should have done that to Taye (because I didn’t like it that they did it with George Clooney and Topher Grace) but, dude, put some damn pants on.
So why? Why is it that my Johnny Depp collection is overflowing with 323 photos, but my Michael Ealy collection is anemic at 23. Why do I have 109 pics of Brandon Routh, who has only done one film of note, but only 21 picks of Boris Kodjoe and seven, SEVEN paltry pictures of Blair Underwood?
I realize that some of this is because Depp, Routh and lots of other white actors have made bigger films and have had bigger roles, but bullshit. How do you explain the 62 high quality pictures I have of Gabrielle Union? Tracee Ellis Ross, 54. One-hundred-and-fifty-three of Rosario Dawson. My favorite boozer, Michelle Rodriguez, 91. Zoe Saldana, one of my favs, 141 pics!
That’s not that there are female celebrities of color suffering from a lack of gorgeous shots. Gina Torres, Gloria Reuben, Victoria Rowell and even my girl Vanessa Williams is suffering along with Angela Bassett, N’Bushe Wright, Maya Rudolph and Jill Marie Jones. But they’re all doing way better in the high quality/interesting photo department as compared to my poor, poor Allen Payne, Morris Chestnut, Daniel Sunjata, Derek Luke, Dule Hill, Gary Dourdan, Henry Simmons, Hill Harper, Isaiah Washington and James LeSure. It’s like a legit photographer’s lens would fall to pieces if they were forced to photography their “sexy.” It’s like it would be hard for these men to take a good picture. C’mon! They are all beautiful in their own way.
Give me more Amaury Nolasco, Adam Rodriguez, Bratt, Banderas and Del Toro. More Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson, Enrique Murciano, Jeffery Wright, Jason Momoa, John Cho, John Leguizamo, Karl Yune, Daniel Henney, Leon, Nate Parker, Omar Epps and Leonardo Nam.
A matter of fact, the only POC actor I can find an insane number of pictures of is Wentworth Miller, but I’m sure that has everything to do with him being sexually attractive and nothing with the fact that he looks white.
Anyway, if you ever get bored check out my “Great Wall of Sexy” on flickr. It’s a biracial hotness lovefest where I sexually harass all of them, male and female. Also, after viewing it will be painfully obvious that I am partial to brunettes, fey men, masculine men, people who can tan, crazy women and Amazons. (I think Uma Thurman and Owen Wilson are the only blonds who made the Wall of Sexy.”)
The wall is supposed to include things not typically considered sexy, (see that very Hindi meta photo of Sanjaya “Good Hair, Bad Singing” Malakar and actor Kal Penn at a White House Correspondents dinner a year back). But for now it’s just actors, actresses, comedians and models. I try to add to the wall from time to time. It is very unfinished (too few pictures of Prince on there and nothing of Derek Luke and Morris Chesnutt, I haven’t uploaded my new Tyra and Naomi pics. I’m slacking on the sexy).
I’m also partial to crazy mo-fo women. Mostly because I wish I could be that insane in public. I know she’s a polarizing figure, my favorite woman on the “Great Wall of Sexy” is former model, sometimes actress, full-time crazy Angelina Jolie (followed shortly by the psychos, divas and the moon children). But I told you I like my women crazy and stealing/adopting random chilluns from all over the globe aside, I’ve loved her since “Girl Interrupted” and “Gia.” She’s my favorite crazy white woman just like how Naomi Campbell is my favorite crazy black woman.
Man, is that woman crazy.
There’s no official ranking on “The Wall of Sexy.” I spell checked nothing so if some of it makes no sense at all, you’ve been forewarned. Feel free to bumble through my ramblings and if you noticed a dearth of my favorite hot black men it’s because most of their pictures (my number one complaint and reason for this post) weren’t of good enough quality to make the very glossy Wall of Sexy.
That and I don’t find Will Smith, Jamie Foxx and Nick Cannon sexy. There are tons of photos of them floating around, especially Will, who is very unsexy in damn near all of them. (And he isn’t even that bad looking of a guy, just not sexy. Jada, though. Very sexy.) Jamie can have his moments of sexy, it’s just not consistent. And Taye Diggs? Don’t even go there with me. I just hate that man for no reason so much. Sweet Jesus, I can’t stand him!
I’ll just focus on Isaiah Washington and TJ Holmes until I calm down.