Satire: The World’s Worst Boyfriend


SCAN News Service
Athena Le Trelle Hemmings, long time girlfriend of the United States of America, threatened to dump her famous beaux after he refused to marry her.

Friends of Hemmings said the break-up happened suddenly when America came up with another excuse not to bring Hemmings home to America’s birth place of Boston, Mass. to meet his family.

“She said asked him if it was because she was black and he said it wasn’t. Then he said he was just waiting for the right time,” said one source close to Hemmings.

It was then Hemmings reportedly threw one of America’s law textbooks at his head, nearly hitting him and began screaming about how she worked hard to put him through school and had given him more than 36 million children and was “tired of the bullshit.”

America then told Hemmings she should just “go back to Africa” if she hated him that much. Sources say Hemmings then stormed out of their Sommerville, Mass. apartment screaming that he should perform an unspeakable sexual act upon himself.

This was the latest setback in a decades long relationship. While staying at her sister’s house in Washington, D.C. Hemmings only said that she was “tired of him telling his friends that she was ‘a friend of his sister or something.'”

Sources close to the couple say this was an improvement as in the past America was known for passing off Hemmings as his “maid” … (to read full story on the SCAN site, click here.)

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