British Golfer/Trainwreck Fashonista Ian Poulter (seen here in some ugly-ass pants) is putting the threatdown on Tiger Woods. Good luck, buddy. I’ve seen this movie before and it doesn’t end pretty.
Said potential Tiger slayer to Reuters:
The outspoken Ian Poulter caused a stir on the eve of the Dubai Desert Classic by saying he was the only player capable of challenging the supremacy of world number one Tiger Woods.
“The trouble is I don’t rate anyone else,” the 32-year-old Briton was quoted as saying in the March edition of Golf World magazine.
“Don’t get me wrong, I really respect every professional golfer, but I know I haven’t played to my full potential and when that happens, it will be just me and Tiger.”
Nice. But like a boxer calling out Muhammad Ali for a title fight, don’t be surprised if your ass-clownery gets you faced.
Take the story of the gigantic, young version of George Foreman who was so deft in his skills that many feared he could kill a man in the ring. Friends of Ali feared he’d hurt Ali who was off his game over his refusal to report for the military draft.
But then came 1974’s “The Rumble In the Jungle,” brought you by Dictator Mobutu Sese Seku’s keptocracy and the man who inspired one of actor Ving Rhames’ finest performances. During this event, as we all know, Ali took a hell of a lot of punches, tired George out, then reduced him to a historical footnote when Ali knocked him out in the 8th. Foreman was so shattered by the experience that he would not box again until the freakin’ 90s when he was 45. By then Ali was no longer able to threaten anyone in the ring as he was hobbled by Parkinson’s.
But my point is this — Foreman actually held the heavyweight title, had beaten all rivals and had the potential to murder someone in the ring. If a top-line Foreman could not crush Ali, who was never as scarily powerful as Foreman, how can you expect to beat Tiger Woods?
The Englishman, asked by the magazine to predict the winner of the first major of the season at the U.S. Masters in April, replied: “Put Tiger down for that one”.
For the year’s second major at the U.S. Open, he said: “You can put me down for that one”.
Poulter, pictured nude in the magazine with only a carefully-placed golf bag guarding his modesty, heaped praise on Woods who makes a rare foray to the European Tour for this week’s Dubai event.
“Tiger is one in a million,” he said. “Actually Tiger is one in 10 million.
“He is extraordinary. If you look at the rankings he is almost two and a half times better than the guy in second place.”
What are you going to do, Mr. #22 in the world, golf punk purveyor Ian Poulter?
Tiger’s not hurt, old, out-of-shape, coming off a long-retirement or in the midst of a cold streak. And what? Are you going to wait it out? Golfers can golf into their 60s before trotting off to the senior circuit. And unlike boxing, where you take your opponent head-on, this is golf. Your competition is the course and your nerves. Golf is psychological. Guys crash and burn going up against Tiger because they spend the whole game playing catch up, trying to pull off crazy moves out of frustration.
I’m not saying Poulter can’t beat Tiger. The chances are he could and will. You have to be extremely talented to be on the fringe of the top twenty. But pre-Tiger Woods Era it was unheard of for a golfer to win at high consistency, let alone win back-to-back. Golf is not an easy game. It’s the chess of the sports world, only it’s a game of chess where the board keeps changing and you play against yourself hoping that your score at the end is lower than everyone else’s. So your best bet is a Tiger cold streak and even then you’d have to play against the course and all the other top twenty golfers trying to capitalize on a Tiger Woods cold streak.
But I admire your moxie. It’s like calling out 90s Michael Jordan or the Showtime era LA Lakers for a game. Or threatening the Patriots of today or the Dallas Cowboys of the 70s and 90s. Ballsy. Stupid, but ballsy. But you better do something to get Tiger’s attention fast, because the only golfer Tiger is competing with is Jack Nickalus.
And you, sir, are noooo Jack Nickalus.