… Or the top ten black people (or things about black people) I wish would go away
1. OJ Simpson: I was willing to accept OJ as long as he was far, far away from the news, skirting the fringe with various white women in Florida. But no, he had to bum rush the show with a bunch of crooks fighting with another bunch of crooks over his stolen stuff and other sports memorabilia in a Las Vegas Hotel.
I already hated the wall-to-wall fake news coverage of his double homicide trial when I was in high school. Mostly because TV stations freakin’ carried it live and my parents watched it and Geraldo constantly and I hate, hate Geraldo. Plus there was the Goldman family, who, normally, I would have had sympathy for, but were so full of rage and vengeance that it rendered them unlikeable.
So thanks, OJ. That’s for bringing that back.
Also on the list are:
2. New York of VH-1 “I Love New York” and “Flava of Love:” Whenever I see angry Muslims or marching anti-capitalism/anarchists marching overseas, burning the US flag and George W. in effigy, I wonder, “Why aren’t they burning a picture of New York? Sure, George is bombing two countries, but God, just look at her! Obviously she’s the ultimate symbol of America’s decadent, inarticulate, hedonistic, Godless, gross materialism that they despise so much.” I also wonder why they aren’t burning pictures of ultra conservative pundit/book slinger Ann Coulter, but if they did she would only be flattered.
3. Flava Flav (sadly) of Public Enemy, which I still love, but not necessarily for Flav
4. The clusterfuck that is Eddie Murphy, his new wife Tracie Edmonds, babymama Mel B. and Eddie’s first wife Nicole. The only one tolerable is Nicole, as I’m almost positive she’s the victim here. I think.
5. Michael Jackson: Get your air bushed ass off the Ebony magazine.
6. Various news commentators and reporters on all TV networks referring to Bill Clinton as the first black president. Seriously? I know some, most famously Toni Morrison, have said that, but I don’t recall there being a vote in black America where we got together and made Bill an honorary Negro. Hell, actor Robert Deniro is closer to be an honorary Negro than Bill as he actually went the extra mile and married a black woman. But Deniro is still Italian-American. Bill is still white. Stop the silliness, people. You’re embarrassing yourself.
7. Public ordinances banning baggy pants. One of those passed in a town near St. Louis. I hate seeing teenage boy’s underwear as much as the next person over 30, but the pants aren’t destroying black America, ignorance is. Fight ignorance, people!
8. Tyler Perry. I’m torn. He’s a successful black filmmaker and businessman, which I applaud greatly and admire. He’s also continuing the long history of black men in dresses. I have no problem with this if you are, in fact, an actual drag queen or transsexual, as they are not dressing as women out of “irony.” But I’m not lifting my moratorium on black men in dresses films for you, Tyler Perry. I also don’t like how often these characters are roles most black women wouldn’t take because of the level of buffoonery. So basically, if the character you’ve created in the fat suit is doing something an ordinary black actress would not do for money, maybe you’re a horrible racial/sexist stereotype. I’m just sayin’ …
9. BET founder Bob Johnson: For … everything.
10. Black ex-NFL players as color commentators on television who can’t talk. Shannon Sharpe, Micheal Irvin, Keyshawn Johnson and Emmit Smith. Emmit is the lesser of four mush-mouths here, but this really says a lot about the TV news networks. After all, with the exception of Magic Johnson and Charles Barkley, the vast majority of black ex-NBA baller can conjugate a verb or even be eloquent. On the NFL side all you’ve got is super smart, adorable but kind of dull Tiki Barber, chumming it up on the Today Show.
Of course, football season is almost over, so I really only have Barkley to be frustrated over, as I gave my heart to ol’ Magic Johnson back in the 1980s when he won all those rings. He gets a pass on not being able be, let alone pronounce, eloquent.
Did I miss anyone? I know, no Michael Vick. But I didn’t feel like going there. Arg, and I forgot to add almost every rapper on BET, with the exception of Kanye West and even sometimes he can be questionable, although I own all three albums. Beyonce, I thank you for “Crazy In Love,” now go away. Shaq-diesel and Miami Heat sucks diesel. All things 50 Cent. And I didn’t put Taye Diggs on there, but I’m very biased against Taye and he, honestly, hasn’t done anything to embarrass blackness. I just hate him, illogically, but I’m woman enough to admit that.
Add your things about blackness you’re sick of seeing on the TV below!