The Artist as a Young Snob

Things I snobbed on as a child:

  • Red meat = Yuck and killer heart disease
  • Loud noises
  • Camera flashes (get the paps out of my face!)
  • Bugs. Filthy, scary, dirty bugs.
  • Hypocrisy. My catchphrase from age 5 to 15 was “It’s not fair!” And shit wasn’t fair! Hypocrisy!
  • Broken hot dog buns … hell, broken bread period.
  • Boys. I thought they were gross. I got over it around 13.
  • My fried bologna sandwich getting cold.
  • The Dark. It’s scary.
  • Riding in the backseat. The Snob only likes to ride shotgun.
  • My little sister Stinky. How dare she be born and be cuter and funnier than me. I snobbed her with the quickness.
  • Playing with others. In kindergarten the snob liked to play with her Little People solo. I needed no crew.
    • Showbiz Pizza.
    • People who couldn’t share.
    • Pants. Didn’t like ’em. Didn’t need ’em.
    • Having a twin bed, but no canopy. C’mon, Mama Snob. The canopy really tied the room together.
    • Taye Diggs. Granted, I didn’t know him when I was six, but I know that if I had met him I still wouldn’t have liked his ass. Damn that Taye Diggs. UPN cancels your first crappy show, then ABC cancels the other one and you STILL manage to survive, landing on ABC again on the Grey’s Anatomy spin-off. DAMN YOU, TAYE DIGGS! You’re like Jason. Every time I think you’re dead, you come back all bald and irritating. And you ruin the Grey’s Anatomy spin-off — Private Practice? They actually hired a sister who looks hot and while I support all black women on TV who are presentable, I just get excited when the black woman is smart and successful and sexy too. The three most important “S” every woman wants to be. But they so, so, so very rarely cast a gorgeous sister. Black women are sexy too, Hollywood. And not in the way your filthy minds are thinking. Turn off the BET and open a copy of Essence. Hell, open King magazine. Nothing’s worse than BET … well, except maybe Taye Diggs. I don’t know, it’s kind of a draw. But I’ll rant on the plight of hot black actresses later. But back to my original point …

… Seriously, Taye. You ruin this for her and I’ll never forgive you. The sister is 37 and she NEEDS this. Your ass can always fall back on posing nude in Vanity Fair’s Hollywood issue like you were tricked out by Tom Ford.

Oh wait. You already did that! Damn you, Taye Diggs! Two negroes out of the whole damn exploitive Hollywood issue and you get them both naked. Why not have them pose naked on a slab of wood while a bunch of wealthy people haggle over how much for the two darkies? God, I forgot how much that issue pissed me off and you reminded me of it, Taye Diggs.

I just can’t take it no more. Stay steady snobbin’!

2 thoughts on “The Artist as a Young Snob

  1. Showbiz and broken bread…and the bugs!! I remember..the Showbiz made me laugh though…I can still see those huge fake ugly animals on stage, supposedly singing. And you shriveled up in the corner, crying, begging the parent to take you home! 🙂 You were terrified! and appalled.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Back to top
%d bloggers like this: