The bitch is fierce. The bitch is crazy. The bitch is my very most favorite, crazy black-Japanese-Korean, Florissant, MO native — Kimora Lee Simmons.
FLO-MO in the house!
Even when Kimora goes off the rails a little, with designer Karl Lagerfeld declaring he’d turned his once adorable little teenage ingenue into “a $5,000-tote-bag-wearing monster,” she still manages to only thrill.
And she kind of is a monster. But so what? She’s a fabulously decorated monster that I have grown to love. Sure. I’d never want to work for her. And I’d probably get sick of her if I had to spend more than 10 minutes in her gorgeous, 6 footer, supermodel presence. But, c’mon? She’s hot. She’s banging. I’m shocked Nelly has never given his fellow St. Louisian a shout out on a record. (What is it Nelly? No love in U City for the County Brownies? Or in Kimora’s case, partial-brownies?)
Kimora married serial model dater and horribly unattractive little rich man Russell Simmons. (They’re divorced now and he’s moved on to the next tall, leggy runway strutter.) They have two amazingly beautiful daughters, Ming and Akoi, who are about the only people that make Kimora’s new reality show on the Style Network Life in the Fab Lane watchable. I do enjoy how the program has a lot of crossover from America’s Next Top Model, or as I like to call it, model crack. Top Model regular and habitual line-stepper J. Alexander called Kimora a busted footstool behind her back and her daughter, all tiny and petulant, told J. that her mother was “beautiful.” Then proceeded to go tell on him.
Kids. What can you do? They’re all total narcs.
That said. Kimora’s clothing line is WAY too … I don’t really know how to put it in a way that doesn’t sound elitist … but words like “tacky” come to mind and “tasteless” and “gaudy.” She’s like the hood Versace. I mean, I know there’s a business model, a successful biz model for the hood Versace known as Baby Phat, but just because I love Kimora and all her bitchy fabulousness (like how she barely wanted the amateur models in season one of ANTM to wear her clothes as if they would somehow render her cheap ass clothes cheap) doesn’t mean I’m blinded by the gold lamé.
If you ever looked at Kimora and wondered what was going on there in her DNA, just look at her clothes. If there is one thing blacks and Asians have in common — we like to look FIERCE! Go to LAX (Los Angeles International Airport) to catch a flight and every Asian girl has on ten-times the gold that I do, a Balenciaga bag and a blackberry. She has on skinny jeans and Gucci shades and looks absolutely no different from the sister at baggage claim with a weave so incredible it’s in Ripley’s Believe it or not.
We are fierce, brown and yellow peoples! FIERCE, as Tyra would bark at us on ANTM. Embrace the fierceness that is Kimora. She’s a tsunami of glam camp. Or as she would say, a tsunami of “fabulosity!”
Kimora is the epitome of the not-black-black-girl.