Perry Drops White House Bid; ABC News Has An Ex-Wife Bomb For Newt; Nobody Knows Who Won Iowa

Rick Perry (Click to Enlarge)Rick Perry, in his effort to be your man in Washington, has finally realized it's time to pick up his Buzz Lightyear and Woody cowboy dolls and threats against our NATO allies and go home to Austin. I imagine there will be a lot of grimacing and pouting, but the dude had to go home at some time. He was polling at four percent in South Carolina ahead of the primary.

Does this mean he's going to skip out on tonight's CNN debate? Considering how much Perry loved the debates that proved he was unelectable, I'm going to guess he's watching this one from the TV in his hotel room.

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GOP Candidates Show Up For A Fight, But ABC Insists On A Debate Breaking Out

Somewhere, in-between me knitting booties for little Blue Illuminati Carter, the GOP had two debates this weekend leading up to the New Hampshire primary. The first debate, hosted by ABC News had so much promise, starting off with a lot of angry posturing, testy exchanges, harrumphing and epic put downs, but for some reason, ABC thought it would be way too exciting to watch six men on the edge of a breakdown lose their collective shit on stage, so they zapped all the life out that sucker by making the debate about how much Mitt Romney hates "hypothetical" questions about gay people and abortions.

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Mitt Romney Barely Beats Surging Santorum While Rick Perry Adorably Continues Losing Campaign

Rick Perry keeps running, literally and in the race for 2012. (Via Twitter)In the latest round of "Anybody But Mittens," Mitt Romney barely beat out a booming Rick Santorum for an Iowa Caucus win. And by "barely," I mean there's an eight vote difference. But ol' Ricky Santorum even getting this far is an amazing feat considering the game of musical chairs various GOP candidates have played in their fight for front-runner.

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Poor Rick Perry Isn't Too Great At This Debate Thing

Young Rick Perry via Five Feet of FuryThere was another Republican debate last night, this time hosted by CNBC, the last TV bastion of our weary money barons and the pushers of "The War on Wealth" news story. But the only real headline to come out of this latest episode of "Survivor: GOP Presidential Primary," was that Rick Perry continues to stink at debating. "Oops," he did it again, y'all!

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The Snob Talks How Rick Perry Tax Plans Like It's 1996, Plus "Slutwalks" and Mariah Carey on NPR

Wednesday I made another stop at Michel Martin's "Beauty Shop" on her show Tell Me More on NPR! Along with The Root's Cynthia Gordy, US World News & Report's Mary Kate Cary and The Wise Latina's Viviana Hurtado we discussed Rick Perry's "bright idea" to bring back former presidential candidate and billionaire Steve Forbes flawed "flat tax" plan. (Let's politic like it's 1996! And lose to the Democratic incumbent because we can't come up with a reason why we would be a better president than him!) Plus we discussed the African American woman's response to the larger, third-wave feminist tinged "Slutwalk" movement and its perceived insensitivity, and Mariah Carey's "trust" issues.

Listen to the Beauty Shop after the jump.

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Value Voters Speaker Attacks Mittens' Mormonism In Media

The great gathering of Mainstream Klansmen Smart Enough to Not Wear Hoods, aka "The Value Voters Summit," met over the weekend in Washington, D.C. and there folks engaged in their usual "gays and Islam are the greatest threats to America" hate speech, but no one called it that because they didn't use the "N-word" or wear hoods. It was great. They chose Ron Paul as their favorite Republican, and Value Voters summiter Baptist minister Robert Jeffress grabbed the media mic to call Mitt Romney a "moral" man who happens to be a member of the cult of Mormonism.

Oh, well, THAT'S going to get complicated!

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Racist Ranch Name Comes Back to Haunt Rick Perry

Via Authentic HistoryTexas Gov. Rick Perry got himself involved in a little racial imbroglio this weekend when The Washington Post ran a story on some rural West Texas property managed by his family that contained the name of "Niggerhead Rock." Perry contends his family painted over the rock with the problematic name shortly after acquiring the old hunting grounds and cattle land, but visitors to the ranch say, "Nuh uh." And no matter what, people in the area who hunted on the land seemed very aware that the place had just always been called "Niggerhead," a slur that, at one point in American history, was commonly used to describe everything from streets to brands of tobacco.

But, is anyone surprised? (I used to live in West Texas, Midland, to be precise, so I'm just going to say, "No. No you shouldn't surprised.")

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GOP Gets Over Rick Perry Crush, But Still Refuses Romney's Hand In Matrimony

Wow. So that was quick? Seems like just last week Gov. Rick Perry of Texas was going to make sweet love to America in a gentle rainfall and we were all going to have "good hair babies" in the form of untaxed and unregulated corporations, but NOPE. Nope. Nope-ity nope. It wasn't meant to be. Rick Perry screwed that up by doing what a-many handsome face before has done. By opening its mouth and continuing to talk.

It's not good enough to look like a tough-talkin' hombre. You actually have to speak eloquently when saying moronic, contradictory things to appeal to an ever-more extreme base.

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Pro-Zombie Reagan Debate Light On Substance, Heavy On "Let Me Finish"

Texas Gov. Rick "Good Hair" Perry may have got the headline of Wednesday night's presidential debate by doubling-down on his "Social Security is a ponzi scheme" statements, but the real Ponzi shenanigans going on weren't coming from our entitlement programs, but about three-fourths of the candidates on that stage. Many of whom who weren't so much pushing campaigns, but pushing for future punditry/lobbying gigs and book deals. With their non-existent poll rankings and fatal personality flaws, they wasted time talking loud and signifying nothing while Jon Huntsman fought for relevancy and Ron Paul fought for respect. They were a cacophony of phonies you already forgot were running, grifting in the background while well-coiffed doppelgangers Perry and his seething prissy rival Willard "Mittens" Romney fought for America's hand in marriage.

Here's the highlights of a debate featuring your political Kens and one Barbie, known kooks, political hustlers and ... Ron Paul.

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