HBO's "Game Change" Is Coming Up Palins (Video)

Pulpy book of reality and literary fiction, "Game Change" is getting a film adaptation of HBO. But rather than focusing on the history-making drama that was the Obama and Clinton campaigns for the Democratic ticket OR the high drama that was John and Elizabeth Edwards' -- her cancer and his cheating -- the film chooses to take us back to the moment when a desperate John McCain shouted "release the Kraken" and the Kraken shouted back, "You betcha!" Looks like they have Sarah "Kraken" Palin the serial killer edit. Can't wait. (YouTube)

Going Newt-clear In Florida, Romney Surges Ahead Vote

Today's the day of the Florida Republican Primary! (Although early voting has been going on for a bit and more than half-a-million votes were cast before today.) Although its still (technically) a four-man race, Rick Santorum is tending to a sick daughter and Ron Paul is focusing on greener primary pastures. That just leaves your unloveable front-runners, Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich.

And Mittens is in the lead ... (for now).

That lead didn't come easy, since Gingrich was on the rise after race-baiting his way into a South Carolina win. But will a poor debate performance from Gingrich and a lot of passive aggressive "Isn't that so sad that Newt Gingrich is so unfaithful and pathetic? He just can't help it!" from Romney.

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Gingrich: Adultery Makes Me More Human Than Mitt "Only Sexes Up His Wife" Romney

Can you see past a weakness so hard that it turns into a strength? Presidential wannabe Newt Gingrich tried to pull that off in an interview with CBN's David Brody where Gingrich tried to spin his "past weaknesses" as making him more "human" than everyone's favorite Republican Robot, Mitt Romney.

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Mitt Romney Wants You To Know How Awful Newt Gingrich Is

Newt Gingrich. Did you know that he's an awful old curr who gets run out of Congress by his own party, took a whole lot of money to become an ... ahem ... "influence peddler" and is probably eye-balling wife No. 4 somewhere in the crowd? What? You already knew that? Hmmm. What if Mitt Romney shouts that a little louder? Does that help? Will that make people stop voting for Newt, who recently creamed Romney, beating him by double-digits in the racially tinged, bitter South Carolina primary?

Hahaha. No. Because the problem many GOP voters are having is that while Newt Gingrich is a duplicitous character, Romney isn't exactly "Dream Date" material either.

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Perry Drops White House Bid; ABC News Has An Ex-Wife Bomb For Newt; Nobody Knows Who Won Iowa

Rick Perry (Click to Enlarge)Rick Perry, in his effort to be your man in Washington, has finally realized it's time to pick up his Buzz Lightyear and Woody cowboy dolls and threats against our NATO allies and go home to Austin. I imagine there will be a lot of grimacing and pouting, but the dude had to go home at some time. He was polling at four percent in South Carolina ahead of the primary.

Does this mean he's going to skip out on tonight's CNN debate? Considering how much Perry loved the debates that proved he was unelectable, I'm going to guess he's watching this one from the TV in his hotel room.

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Colbert Super PAC Labels Romney: "Mitt the Ripper" (Video)

What I love about this is that if I didn't know this was an elaborate stunt to point out how ridiculous our campaign financing laws are put together by comedians Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart there's a good chance I'd think this was a for-really real ad. It's no less hysterical that what's passing for attacks these days. Dare I say it -- this satire is almost too good. (YouTube)

Jon Huntsman Picks Up Toys, Goes Home; Romney Hands Out Cash

Jon Hunstman, the Republican president candidate who could never shake that "Obama hired me to be Ambassador to China," moderate conservative stink off himself, dropped out of the GOP race today. Huntsman, naturally, endorsed the man who he most resembled without all the complications of being a horrible phony -- Mittens Romney.

Mittens, known for his robotic qualities and pathological inconsistencies was somewhere in South Carolina giving a poor black woman $60 in cash. It was a perfect storm of annoyances -- from the optics of a black person getting an actual "hand-out," to reinforcing the ideology that occasional donations from Daddy Warbucks should take care of our poor and not a strong social safety net built on our tax dollars, to reinforcing the belief that all poor, begging people are black people.

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New Hampshire: Ugh. Is Mittens The Nominee Yet?

So New Hampshire held the first primary of the 2012 election season (for those playing at home Iowa was a "caucus"), and Mitt Romney won by a healthy 39 percent.

Meaning, Romney is still the front-runner, still the "inevitable" nominee, still destined to go up against incumbent President Barack Obama in the fall. Oh, goody.

Unfortunately, sanity hasn't quite yet returned to the process and how could it? The GOP nominee is still this smarmy, punchable, grown up Richie Rich making $10,000 bets and calling corporations people and talking about how he hates to run out of pink slips. (Or maybe he was afraid to get a pink slip? I dunno. How do you get fired when you're the boss? Can God make an object so heavy even He can't pick it up? Mind-boggles.)

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GOP Puts Out Hit On 'Racist' Ron Paul Over Iowa

"Ball so hard, these Republicans wanna fine me."

Man, how worried do you think the GOP is about Ron Paul winning a state? I think they're pretty worried. Like, cry, gnash teeth and pull hair worried. They're actually attacking Ron Paul! With mean words and warnings and EVERYTHING! CNN is chasing him around, demanding "answers" to things! Folks are trying super hard to make that "Ron Paul is probably a racist bigot" thing ... a thing! There's even a fake Twitter about it! He's a Real Live Candidate! 

He's arrived! And he's arrived with the potential to destroy, like Galactus: Devourer of Worlds.

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