Clutch Magazine: Let's Get This Over With, Re-Elect Obama 2012

When I'm not working on a TV show, I'm still writing columns for Clutch and I'm beat, man. Straight up just beat ... down over election 2012. I'm ready to get this over with, aren't you? I wrote: "President Obama is flawed. He’s not your personal savior or unicorn. If anything, I think he actually has a lot more in common with his more starry-eyed supporters in 2008 because he really did think he could just show up in Washington talking all measured, positive and rational and change the game. But politics is a disease that has no desire of being cured. This is why a true, feral political animal like Bill Clinton thrived so well in that putrid swamp of double-speak and lies. President Obama doesn’t really want that stink on him, but hey, buddy, are we going to do this or what?"

So go vote. Vote. Please. Just do it, OK? I'm begging you. Sweet Lord. Take some personal agency this election season. If only so you can put up your "Don't Blame Me, I Voted For Kodos" sticker. Some bet on the numbers, bet on dice, bet on NFL football, bet on craps, bet on Vegas -- I'm betting on my vote counting. I hope you're betting on yours.

Read the full post on Clutch Magazine Online here.

More after the jump.

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"White People Are Back!" And Other Moments From Hardcore Paul Ryan Rap (Video)

He's like Ron Paul meets Ryan Seacrest, but with a lot more "m-fers." Yet, even in all this Beastie Boys-esque Ryan P90Sex braggadocio, my favorite part is the cluelessness of fake Mitt Romney who kind of plops around like the floppy android he is. Second best line (after "White people are back") is "Screw the sick and the poor like Jesus said ... if he had lived to read 'The Fountainhead.'"

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Clutch Magazine: NewsBeast Says Obama Sucks This Month, But Give It 30 Days

This week for Clutch I tackle Newsweek/Daily Beast editor Tina Brown's love for an attention grabbing cover -- whether that attention is good or not. Like the little kid in class who will take love and hate in equal doses since it both counts as a form of EVERYONE LOOK AT ME, Newsweek may have used President Obama as a punching bag for its latest cover, but history suggests by next month Obama could be awesome, or it could be his opponent Mitt Romney's turn again to get punched in the nards by a periodical. You never know.

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MSNBC: Biden Suggests Team Romney is Pro-Chains While Going Off The Chain

My favorite fake picture of Vice President Joe Biden. (Via The Onion)In my first ever post for MSNBC's new Lean Forward web site, I tackled America's favorite crazy grandpa, Mad Dawg Joe Biden, as he tossed some red meat to a mostly black crowd in Virginia this week. Papa Joe suggested that Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney wants to put folks "back in chains" with his fiscal policies. This means it's time for the over-the-top "playing the race (war) card" accusations (and counter-accusations) to begin!

Yet somehow, it all seems so familiar.

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P90seX: How A Capitol Hill Fitness Craze Helped Your Congressman Get Laid

One dude is the founder of P90X, the other is Rep. Paul Ryan, who helped is fellow Congress Critters get buff using the program (and inadvertently, helped a few of them get dates).One of the talking points meant to “humanize” newly appointed veep candidate and Mitt Romney second banana Paul Ryan is that he got a six pack blowing $120 bucks and countless hours going hard thanks to the popular exercise DVD series P90X.

In my brief time in D.C., particularly around 2011 after the GOP took the House, I started hearing quite a bit about Congress Critters and their ilk going hard using P90X. Soon a rash of nerdy, GOP (and some Dem) Butterfaces with washboard abs started humping about the Capitol, getting too flirtatiously aggressive while I was politely trying to get drunk on the rooftop of the W Hotel.

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Mittens Finds A Mate: Paul Ryan Is Romney's GOP "Dream Date" Candidate

Photo via ClutchMitt Romney, the on purpose yet somehow accidental, presumptive GOP candidate for president announced Saturday that Rep. Paul Ryan will be his running mate. He announced this news during a time/date slot normally reserved for stories politicians want to bury in the haze of lazy Fridays, sleep-in Saturdays, an audience focused on how to get their drink on this weekend, not the news and the Olympics.

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Clutch Magazine: Team Romney Throws Up Condi Rice-Shaped Distraction, Fails

This Monday for Clutch Magazine Online, I took a break from my nephew babysitting duties to pen a post on how in an effort to get people talking about anything but Bain Capital, former Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice's name was thrown about this weekend as a possible vice presidential pick for wannabe Robot-In-Chief Mitt Romney.

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theGrio: Book Publisher Karen Hunter Is "Unapologetically Black"

Karen Hunter is the woman behind Karen Hunter Publishing.For theGrio this week I penned an article on Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist, author, professor and book publisher Karen Hunter. Hunter (who is a quote machine) talks about everything from handling the fall-out surrounding Kris Jenner's memoir -- which came out around the same time as the announcement of her daughter Kim Kardashian's divorce -- to the time she said on MSNBC that Mitt Romney wanted to be president of "Caucasia-stan."

Calling herself "unapolegtically black," Hunter never once hold's her tongue as she talks about starting her own business will holding on to her fighter's spirit, always speaking truth to power.

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Clutch Magazine: Stop the Vote! Someone Has An Election To Steal

This week for Clutch Magazine The Snob went political (one of my favorite things to do) and tackled how Florida Republicans are trying to push the Sunshine State into Mitt Romney's favor by purging their voter rolls of "possibly" illegal voters. They're currently fighting the Department of Justice as the DOJ says this purge is in violation of the Voter Rights Act. Hey, if the fight against non-existent voter fraud errs on the side of Democratic-leaning citizens not being able to vote, Republicans are willing to make that, ahem, sacrifice.

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