Obama Almost Tying Romney in Tennessee Poll, While GOP Realizes Romney May Have A Shot

President Barack Obama talks with former President Bill Clinton before an event in McLean, Va., Sunday, April 29, 2012. (Official White House Photo by Pete Souza)Since the Republican Primary finally died down into a race to pathetically endorse perpetually flippity-gibbit Mitt Romney, news on the campaign front have turned towards the general election show down between Mittens and the Great Hope Monger -- President Barack Obama. This means we've been inundated with "fun" stories like "Is Barack Obama the first gay president (since he thinks gay people deserve equal rights)?" and "Hey, let's try that Jeremiah Wright thing that didn't work in 2008 again." But not all the news is turgid political pap -- some of it's kind of interesting! Like how President Obama is closing in on Mitt Romney in the GOP stronghold of Tennessee (!!!), and now that Romney doesn't have to deal with a constant stream of hate from his Republican rivals some folks actually kind of "like" him. He might have a shot! Maybe! Or something. Or not. But POSSIBILITIES! Washington is a buzz in them!

First off: What on Earth is going on in Tennessee?

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Right Wingers Try to Get Obama By Bringing Back Failed Rev. Wright Strategy Then Denounce Strategy

You know it's serious when they stick "Hussein" in there to hit that "exotic other" angle. Like he was Saddam's cousin or something.

The chickens have come home to roost! But since right wingers don't really understand what that phrase means, the chickens actually showed up at their coop talking about, "Really? Reverend Jeremiah Wright? Again? Are you going to bring back Glenn Beck's show again so he can do another 12-part series on Black Liberation Theology?"

Then they went cluck-cluck-cluck and pooped all over everything just like chickens do.

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Former President George W. Bush Endorses Mittens

The tradition of "rousing" GOP endorsements for Mittens continues! Taking a break from doing whatever former President George W. Bush does now (besides be grateful he's not president anymore), Bushie took the time to passive-aggressively endorse the GOP's latest weapon-of-choice.

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Santorum Passive-Aggressively Endorses Romney In Email

"What? Burying an endorsement in an email isn't cool these days? An endorsement is an endorsement, Jay. He's lucky I didn't write it out with flaming bags of dog poop."

Rick Santorum of the Losing-the-GOP-Nomination-Santorums doesn't like Mitt Romney. And not in that, "All is far in love and politics," "let's have a good ol' roudy-bout and give them a show" competitive sort of way. No. This is a real, tangible, deep-seated John McCain-esque dislike, where disdain is covered in a patina of smirk and a low register grumble. Where all smiles are asymmetrical, Dick Cheney style, and all endorsements are said through grit teeth. Or, in the case of Santorum endorsing My Fair Mittens via email.

Mad harsh, son.

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Mitt Romney Can See Clearly Now That the Rick Santorum Rain Is Gone

Glorious day! Mitt "Mittens" Romney has bounded from his winter dwelling and into springtime's nomination meadow. His old, thick winter hair coat now shed, and now the candidate is sporting a shorter, shiner new thicket of Ken doll like hair. But what has brought the rose back to his robotic cheeks? What has returned the dew to his eyes designed by a genetic lab in the basement of Monsanto?

Is it? Can it? Dare it be true?

DING-DONG THE SANTORUM IS DEAD!

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Rick Santorum Is All Up In Your Elections, Stealing Your Non-Binding Delegates

Adding to the bizarreness of an already bizarre GOP race for a presidential nominee, Rick Santorum won three non-binding Republican contests in Minnesota, Missouri and Colorado. No one gets any delegates. (Missouri's contest was a "beauty pageant" the other 76 ethereal delegates up for grabs between Minnesota and Colorado are mired in some procedural gobbly-gook.) But more valuable than that, the winner gets an extended media narrative! Yes! Today is Rick Santorum's day to demand that people pay attention to him and his win and not "blah, blah why does everyone hate Mittens?"

But seriously, the press asks, "Why does everyone HATE Mittens?"

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GOP Establishment Realizes Hurricane Newt Is Coming For Landfall

There's another GOP debate tonight! Batter the hatches! 

They thought he was dead. They thought they killed him in Iowa. They thought wrong. Newt Gingrich is back, baby! And like the awful B-Movie he is, he's out for revenge. At first it was just about teaching that damn Mittens a lesson, but the Newtster messed around and race-baited his way into a South Carolina primary win. Then Mittens lost Iowa several weeks after winning it. And now it's all come up Gingrich. Even an old sex scandal couldn't stop him. He just kept swinging and won't go down.

If I didn't find the man completely repugnant I'd almost admire his audacity.

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Mitt Romney Wants You To Know How Awful Newt Gingrich Is

Newt Gingrich. Did you know that he's an awful old curr who gets run out of Congress by his own party, took a whole lot of money to become an ... ahem ... "influence peddler" and is probably eye-balling wife No. 4 somewhere in the crowd? What? You already knew that? Hmmm. What if Mitt Romney shouts that a little louder? Does that help? Will that make people stop voting for Newt, who recently creamed Romney, beating him by double-digits in the racially tinged, bitter South Carolina primary?

Hahaha. No. Because the problem many GOP voters are having is that while Newt Gingrich is a duplicitous character, Romney isn't exactly "Dream Date" material either.

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Perry Drops White House Bid; ABC News Has An Ex-Wife Bomb For Newt; Nobody Knows Who Won Iowa

Rick Perry (Click to Enlarge)Rick Perry, in his effort to be your man in Washington, has finally realized it's time to pick up his Buzz Lightyear and Woody cowboy dolls and threats against our NATO allies and go home to Austin. I imagine there will be a lot of grimacing and pouting, but the dude had to go home at some time. He was polling at four percent in South Carolina ahead of the primary.

Does this mean he's going to skip out on tonight's CNN debate? Considering how much Perry loved the debates that proved he was unelectable, I'm going to guess he's watching this one from the TV in his hotel room.

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