Newt Gingrich Is the John McCain of 2012 ... Maybe

Nobody likes Newt Gingrich!

This is why I always found the former Speaker of the House's quixotic campaign for President so fascinating. He can't be serious after all. Racking up bills at Tiffany's and sunning himself on a rock when he's supposed to be kissing babies and feeling up campaign donors. The fact that when he loves America too much his wives don't fare too well. The fact that he went to war with a weakened Bill Clinton in the 90s, got his ass handed to him, and was run out of Washington. But he's back now! And still painfully clueless! His staff is abandoning him en masse. No one wants to give him money. Yet ... if Gingrich keeps this up, he just might fail his way into being the next Republican nominee for president. Then get his ass handed to him by a weakened, but still beyond better than the competition, President Barack Obama.

Here's why!

More after the jump.

Click to read more ...

Appeasing the bigots of South Carolina one bigot at a time ...

From courting the bigots of South Carolina to pandering to Spanish speaking immigrants in Nevada, the candidates, both Republicans and Democrats, have been wheeling and dealing as fast as their little mouths will let them.

A matter of fact, Republican Mike Huckabee's bigot pandering was flying with such a fury I was actually sending waves of hate towards him for bringing up the ugly SC state house Confederate flag fight of (what?) SEVEN YEARS AGO, you know, to appease the bigots who pretend they don't see the difference between "our way of life" and "our way of life with slaves." Hell, they didn't toss the rebel flag up there until the 1960s when the uppity Negras had the GALL to claim they had some sort of "human rights." How dare they! There was a time black folks new their place ... in the back!

So, I was mightily displeased when Huckabee brought up this hard fought, divisive battle by saying he didn't think anyone should be able to tell any state what flag they should and should not fly. While most TV and mainstream journalists have given only cursory coverage to Mike Huckabee's unabashed courting of the most extreme wing of the Republican party, liberal news magazine The Nation is kicking down the doors of racism and taking names.

He is, as well, a proud Confederate fundamentalist who wants there to be no doubt about his commitment to preserving the ugly symbols of slavery's defense.

Huckabee has in recent days been gleefully proposing a violent response to any "outsider" who might suggest that it is time to haul down the flag of treason that was flown by southern extremists who went to war against the United States in order to preserve the practice of human bondage.

Again and again on the campaign trail in South Carolina, the state that led the south into rebellion against the Union, Huckabee has gone out of his way to discuss and defend the "right" of southerners to fly the Confederate flag in official settings.

"You don't like people from outside the state coming in and telling you what to do with your flag," the former governor of Arkansas told a crowd in Myrtle Beach, where he was campaigning in advance of the state's Republican primary on Saturday. "In fact, if somebody came to Arkansas and told us what to do with our flag, we'd tell them what to do with the pole, that's what we'd do."

I get it dude. You're trying to recruit the same bigots who hated John McCain back in 2000 for saying the Confederate flag shouldn't be waving on the capitol building. But aren't you the same Mike Huckabee who was going on and on about inclusiveness and tolerance a few weeks ago? Who was one of the few Republicans who went to the debate hosted by Tavis Smiley with all the black folks in the audience and milked those good times for all it was worth? Who claims he got the majority of the black vote during one of his elections to Arkansas governor? (This claim I've always found most dubious, but no one ever investigates to see if he can back it up.) Former staunch segregationist, bigot, long-time senator, father of an illegitimate black child, former Dixicrat and dead South Carolinian Strom Thurmond could have come up with better coded language than Huckabee to keep the bigots appeased without anyone noticing.

Of course Ol' Strom, the asshole that would not die (until he finally did at 100 in 2003) used overt racism too.

He liked to mix it up.

But The Nation spares nothing, even spitting in the eye of the press for glossing over Huckabee's less than savory parts and focusing solely on his Chuck Norris-loving "aw shucks!" cornballisms.

Exactly when are political reporters going to acknowledge that the candidate they have presented to America as a charming, good-humored "nice guy" is running a "southern-strategy" campaign so extreme in its sensibilities, themes and language that it would have embarrassed George Wallace?

I know most politicians are pander bears, but seriously, bigot pandering? That's low. Stick to bringing up Jesus every five seconds.

Catch the fever!

It's spreading!

I'm going to try to keep abreast of all issues that are campaign '08, especially the Democratic race because, seriously, who wants to get into that "Last Man Standing" / Battle Royale known as the Republican race.

It's like a demolition derby in there.

I do enjoy how this is the darn nicest, politest Democratic race for president ever. The pundits go a twitter for every eye twitch and verbal tick, but seriously, all the alleged "fights" between the Obama camp and the Clinton camp have pretty much stayed focused on the actual issues. Barack's people say Hillary's part of the old party establishment (she is.) While Hillary's people say Barack has only two years in Congress and is wet behind the ears (he is.)

Occasionally people in Hillary's camp go wonky (re: anything that comes out of her campaign staffers, who apparently have caught that epidemic known as diarrhea of the mouth.) But no macaca moments so far.

Politeness aside, news remains entertaining. Take Barack, for instance, who smiled as John Edwards took a bitch slap to the face from his ol' running mate John Kerry. Senator Kerry, rather than endorsing his VP candidate from 2004, ran over to join Team Obama. After all, team Obama must be the place to be as more and more folks hop on the bandwagon. Even celebrities want a taste. Be careful Barack. Celebrity money = good. Brad and Angelina's Traveling UN Rainbow Kids Sideshow = bad. You don't want people sitting around going, "But what about Jen?" every time people see your face.

Oh, and scary, among those celebs supporting Obama are Eddie Murphy and Will Smith. Keep the money but keep the Scientology and whatever Eddie is smoking out of the White House please!

Other Obama news:

• Obama getting a little help from Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick, also a black man.
• Obama reaches out his fatherland of Kenya while that horn of Africa country is in the midst of political and civil unrest
• Obamamania surge in book sales: Obama is killing it while Hillary is doing OK
  

And then there's the Clintons, who when not manufacturing chaos, step in to chaos all on their own. Like, what do you do, if you're the Clintons and historically the black vote has always been yours but now, this black guy, has jumped in the campaign, won Iowa and has the Negroes giving him a second look. What do you do? What do you do?

Why fumble at comments that irk the great, warrior dinosaurs of the Civil Rights movement!

Here's a good rundown of the Racial Gaffe City the Clintons have been living in lately from CBS:

The series of comments Clinton critics’ cite began in mid-December, when the chairman of HIllary Clinton’s New Hampshire campaign, Bill Shaheen, speculated whether Obama had ever dealt drugs. In the final days of the New Hampshire campaign, however, the discomfort of some black observers intensified as Bill Clinton dismissed the contrast between Obama’s judgment on the war and Clinton’s as a “fairy tale” and spoke dismissively of his short time in the Senate. And the candidate herself, in an interview with Fox News, stressed the role of President Lyndon Johnson, over Martin Luther King Jr., in the civil rights movement.

“I would point to the fact that Dr. King's dream began to be realized when President Lyndon Johnson passed the Civil Rights Act of 1964, when he was able to get through Congress something that President Kennedy was hopeful to do, the president before had not even tried, but it took a president to get it done,” she said, in response to a question about how her dismissive attitude toward Obama’s “false hopes” would have applied to the civil rights movement. “That dream became a reality, the power of that dream became real in peoples lives because we had a president who said we are going to do it, and actually got it accomplished.”

An aide later said Clinton didn’t intend to diminish King, and later that day she went out of her way to stress his accomplishment and courage in leading a movement.

Color me underwhelmed at the Clintons' effort to knock the halo off Obama's head. I've said this before, but every attack comes off as tethered desperation. They (obviously) did not expect to have to duke it out of the black vote as they'd planned that Obama would have deflated a long time ago. They were wrong. The Clintons need to either step up their game or start working a different rhetoric, because this stuff? It's not working. I'm not feeling it at all.

But in defense of Hillary and Co. I've heard the complete comments that raised the hackles of a few in the Civil Rights pioneers, namely Rep. Jim Clyburn of South Carolina, but I think that if they weren't running against Barack, these comments wouldn't be an issue. Saying the presidency is important because it took the legendary womanizer, hard-drinking, pro-Civil Rights, Texas Democrat Lyndon Johnson to push Civil Rights legislature through is a true statement. It was Johnson who argued for a more pro-civil rights stance in the Kennedy Administration, and later worked with Dr. King on getting the legislation through. Johnson twisted those arms after he became president leading to congress passing the Civil Rights Act of 1964 with the bipartisan help of many Democrats and Republicans in the House and Senate.

Hillary definitely could have worded it better, but pointing out that the presidency matters isn't wrong. It did take the actions of Dr. King and the movement to bring the plight of African-Americans to the front of public discourse. But I think people forget how difficult it was to get any civil rights legislation passed (Sen. Strom Thurmond holds the record for the longest filibuster in Senate history for his fight against the Civil Rights Act of 1957 -- 24 hours and 18 minutes.) The Democratic Party was shredded in the south for their stance on the Civil Rights Act and subsequent bills on the matter, losing the entire south over in the process, leading to Nixon's "southern strategy" and decades of Republicans winning the White House with only Jimmy Carter (southern one-termer) and Bill Clinton (southerner impeached) to dot the Democratic landscape.

To this day Democrats can't get elected to dog catcher in some parts of the south (see Alabama, Mississippi). So this is a fake argument. The president matters. LBJ was important. That was the point Hillary was trying to make. She was saying, "Black folks, vote for me. I will kick ass like LBJ for your rights. Vote Democrat. Blah, blah, blah." Usual political talk on the Dem side to woo black votes.

This was essentially typical candidate diarrhea of the mouth, where you just make these grandiose statements without thinking because you've been telling the same story so much that you just babble without thinking of the consequences.

As for Bill Clinton's "Fairy Tale" quote, it was in reference to Barack Obama's historical stance on the war in Iraq, charging that Hillary and Barack's voting records in the senate are practically identical. I don't get the flack on that either, unless people aren't hearing the full quote and are zeroing in on the end.

Is this what this race is going to be? A bunch of ticky-tacky fouls on BS that has nothing to do with the job at hand? Where if anyone talks about black people there's problems? And when ARE the candidates going to talk about black people? I want people to talk about black people. We have issues. Please! Discuss Democrats. Discuss the black issues! Discuss your records! Win me over by giving me the best information!

But Nooooo. We get this turd burger.

Could someone tell me what they want to do about the fact that black people make up half the prison population when we only make up 12 percent of the country's population. Deal with that shit, please! I don't agree with Ron Paul on ... well, almost anything, but at least he was willing to go into a rant against punitive drug laws that disproportionately affect black people (while in the middle of trying to explain the undeniably racist stuff that appeared in his newsletters in the 1980s and 90s.)

That counts for something.

I think everyone's so sensitive because were in uncharted territory. A viable black candidate for president who was created outside of the Civil Rights Movement which shaped so many other black politicians before him. How do you tackle a dream? Or to quote "Sound of Music," "How do you keep a wave upon the sand?"

It's a conundrum. Bash too hard and you'll piss off black people. Bash too lightly and black people might hop on the hope train full steam ahead. Glad I'm don't work on the Clinton campaign. I wouldn't know what to tell her. Do a lot of photo ops? Talk about health care and job training the whole time? Hang out in soul food restaurants? Record a campaign song with Lil' Jon? Seriously, I don't know. But you can see Hillary's frustration. This wasn't supposed to happen. He's not supposed to be here.

And to paraphrase a vintage 90s track by singer, Deborah Cox:

How did you get here?
Nobody's supposed to be here
Everyone said that this was my time

My heart says no, no!
Nobody's supposed to be here
They said the black vote would always be mine

I'm sorry, Hillary. It's that Obama fever. What to do? What to do?

Bill O'Reilly has Obamamania too ...

... The kind that causes one to get in fights with Obama staffers and get shut down by Obama's Secret Service detail.

Video from Crooks and Liars.

And some more crazy detail from John Dickerson at Slate.com:

At first, the railing where O'Reilly stood wasn't very populated. Then, as the Obama team saw who was lying in wait, they started to huddle. Staffers started to arrive at the scene. Three policemen showed up, too. One of them stood in front of O'Reilly until O'Reilly asked him to move. One of Obama's staffers, Marvin Nicholson, took up the same post, standing in front of the Fox camera as Obama neared the door.

"You're blocking our shot," yelled O'Reilly.

"Oh, am I?" asked the Obama staffer, not entirely sincerely, and not moving.

This is not a new trick. When staffers block you because you're being too aggressive, the standard thing to do is give them a little business and then move to another spot. O'Reilly didn't do this. He shoved the Obama aide. There was an exchange and a little more shoving. I didn't fully capture it because as I looked at O'Reilly in his black leather Fox jacket, which resembled the kind we wore during football season in high school, I swore I could hear him challenge the staffer to a rumble out by the drive-in.

"That's really low class, pal," said O'Reilly.

And it continued thusly with a plea of desperation from the attention whore.

When Obama passed, he looked like he was headed for the door but stopped to talk to the Fox host. The conversation was short. O'Reilly did not seem to be causing the commotion in the national interest—I heard no questions about marginal tax rates—but instead he made a personal appeal to Obama to get him on his show. (I can't be sure; I heard only part of the conversation.) Obama appeared to say that he would come on sometime.

Also check out CBS's version of the incident here.

Back to Snob Reality Land / My God This is the LONGEST PRESIDENTIAL RACE EVER!

CNN took to calling it the "Presidential Playoffs," but in football, the playoffs only last for a few exciting weeks (Go Cowboys!). This presidential race has been going since before January '07. I'd say it's even been going on as long as the Democrats congressional win in '06. And I, like a lot of people who aren't television pundits, am sick of it.

At least there is some form of voting involved now, which is a marked improvement over the idle speculation Chris Matthews on MSNBC's "Hardball" has been doing. Alas, I miss Jon Stewart's always relevant coverage of "Clusterf@#k to the White House." Stewart's supposed to come back this month, sans writers. I have no idea how one would produce the Daily Show without writers. I don't know WHY the networks won't just give the writers their cut of the internet revenue. They wrote it. They should get a check. If NBC is getting a dollar, give the writers their 15 cents. Geez-a-lou.

As I predicted my sudden case of Obamamania did fade. I'm still happy he won Iowa. I still like his wife and think their girls are adorable. But reality reminded me that A) Barack is still a black man trying to go where no black man has gone before; and B) Barack's resume is ... err ... lacking.

I'm not saying he has to be like Bill Richardson, who literally has "I talked Kim Jong Il off the ledge myself while simultaneous freeing hostages around the world" tattooed on his forehead. But, dude, some specifics would help. Shilling optimism worked for Carter, Reagan, Clinton and Bush 43. But their actual presidencies left some to be desired for the American Negro. Ronnie's especially and Bush 43 most definitely didn't give blacks much to work with, and in some case, straight up obstructed black progress.

For example, the North American Free Trade Agreement, or NAFTA, a Republican foster idea of opening up our free markets to Mexico.

For years, blacks fought to get those so sought after unionized labor jobs . The kind of factory jobs that came with good money and benefits and created the American middle class after the post-WWII boom. During and more so after the height of the Civil Rights Movement in the 50s, 60s and 70s, more black received a shot at these jobs, vaulting some fortunate blacks into the middle class and into colleges. Things were going great until ... the 1980s when factories started closing and moving under President Reagan. Things only got worse as time progressed. Then President Bill Clinton pushed NAFTA through under the protest of the labor unions that put him in office.

Sure, he scored a political coup against the Republicans, but after NAFTA scores of manufacturing plants ran to Mexico where they could build their cars and appliances on the cheap, without paying into entitlement programs than the American unions required. Rust belt cities like Detroit and Flint, Michigan start to deteriorate. The rest of America's manufacturing bread basket states follow suit. And now those lucrative manufacturing jobs blacks worked so hard to obtain no longer existed. And while poor whites had those jobs since the 1930s to pull themselves out of the depression. Blacks had, at a maximum, a twenty year window to take advantage. At a minimum, ten years -- 1970 to 1980. Hence the wealth disparity between middle class whites and blacks. The whites simply have been part of the middle class longer, their parents benefited from the boom in jobs during and after the 1940s, leaving them with more wealth to work with. Black folks are just now getting some stability, only to watch the good jobs dry up.

Hence, why things that often aren't billed as having any affect on black people actually have a profound effect. Hence why who you elect is important.

Personally, I don't think Barack Obama would support renewing NAFTA as it currently is. He's alluded to as much in the eleventy-billion debates the Democrats have had this year. But he's still too gauzy and fuzzy on other issues. I like hope. Who doesn't? But I also want to know exactly how you'd get your bills through Congress. Because all roads to universal health care go through Congress. So far, all I've gathered from the debates is that Barack would hug it out. Hilary would pontificate. And John Edwards would whip out a machine gun on the drug company lobbyists why shouting, "Say hello to my little friend!"

When it gets right down to it, fundamentally, there's no difference between the Democratic contenders. I don't fear that black American would experience a significant backslide one any of their potential administrations. I fear that the Democrats will take the advantage that the Republicans gave to them and blow. So I basically want what the Democratic race to turn into a battle royale to figure out who is the strongest, shrewdest, most skilled politician who can do more than pull a John Kerry-ish deer in the headlights reaction when the Swift Boaters come along.

God. I shudder when I think of whatever mock outrage conservative interlopers will create for the Democratic nominee. And as feisty as John Edwards is, he often comes off more bratty and petulant than presidential. Hillary is also cantankerous and frumpy. Barack and his Phil Jackson-esque zen politics might be able to kick his game above the fray, but the power hungry and the racists alike will do their best to not be "out niggered." Willy Horton, be damned.

So, Democrats need to be prepared, not shocked, when Republicans go to battle and don't go there in any sort of ethical manner. Democrats are the proverbial Charlie Brown believing that Tom Delay is really going to let them kick that football this time. How many times do you have to get punched in the mouth before you finally get it ... they're rules are no rules.

As much as I dislike Republican tactics, you have to admire their effort to destroy everything in their quest for power. They want to win. BAD. They need to be in charge. After all, their party inherited all the cage fighters that used to only exist in the Democratic party. Of course, a certain percentage of those ruthless cage fighters defected to the Republican party after the Democrats decided that maintaining "apartheid" in America via Jim Crow was unacceptable.

All the complaints Democrats have of Republicans now are the historical complaints of the Republican party towards the Dems. The obtuse Republicans were viewed as stodgy and academic, more interested in isolationism and cultural conservatism, and the plight of the wealthy. The Democrats were those annoying insurgents from south and rust belt who had dead men voting in Texas (Lyndon Johnson) and making sure the vote count came up for John F. Kennedy in Chicago (Mayor Richard Daley). Shades of these film-flam shams could be seen in the White Collar Riot that intimidated workers and other protesters as Republicans attempted to stop the vote count in Florida's mess of an election in 2000.

As I said before, I don't like these things. But academic, Black Snobs like me wouldn't. And right now the Democratic party is teeming with academic white snobs who think its unseemly to take the low road. The closest we've got so far was Hillary attacking Obama's record in kindergarten. Which, seriously, reeked of desperation. See, if you're ruthless and unethical you'd do what certain Republicans threated to do to Colin Powell when he was considering a run -- out his wife as a nut case (she'd sought help for depression, but no matter). Or just lie. Lying works great. If the Democrats had been more unethical and ruthless in 2000 they would have openly said if you elect George you're electing a religious zealot who also happens to be an alcoholic who lied about his record with the National Guard.

Oh, that he's failed at everything he's ever done, save become governor of Texas, even though in Texas the governor is actually very weak and the real power lies in the legislature and with the Lt. governor.

That said. I miss my Obamamania already. It was nice to not be cynical and get caught up in the hype. I'm still supporting Obama. My heart is still with him. But I'm going to suggest that he co-op a little of Edward's rage-a-hol, take a couple swigs and be prepared to throw down if necessary.

101 Flavors and All of Them Unelectable

I don't know if I've ever voted for a president. I've voted against some people (Dole, Bush, Bush 2: Iraqi Boogaloo). I don't know if you ever get to vote for someone as a minority. You're just always squinting at people thinking, "Now which one of you bastards is going to screw me over the least?"

I'd like to vote for someone. You know? Just once to actually be naive enough to think that someone cares about the plight of the poor, the brown, the Black Snob. But nobody loves us.

And I just love how almost everyone running for president this year would be the first something or other, somehow rendering them near unelectable. First black guy. First white woman who would be the first First Lady. First Latino. First Mormon. First lapsed Catholic Italian. First rapidly decomposing Vietnam vet. First former hedge fund guy. First dude who had a supporting role in "Die Hard 2." First elf-man with unnaturally hot wife. Much hotter than elf-man. It's ridiculous. Who knew Dennis had such mad ridiculous white liberal guilt game? Did he woo her with whispers of sweet universal healthcare in her ear?

But, seriously. If there was just one, JUST ONE, non-obnoxious, generic white man who could manage to not talk like a complete moron, all of these people would be focusing on their day jobs. Except maybe Guliani. I honestly think he has serious mental health issues. Like he's hitting the Klonopin hard just to keep from shouting that he single-handedly saved everyone's life on 9/11, including Flight 93 and the plane that hit the Pentagon. Dug out Ground Zero with his bare hands, then strapped on a katana blade, headed to Waziristan and screamed at Osama "I AM THE HIGHLANDER AND THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!"

Seriously. If I have to remember to take my Lithium, Rudy, you have to remember to take yours too. You don't want that bipolar disorder to get too out of control. Your kids hate you. You're already on wife number three. The US is on war number two. I don't want you to become president and find out that you've decided to take on North Korea and Iran with nothing but Steven Segal and the Los Angeles Police Department. Granted, the LAPD can open a can of whup ass on some poor immigrant rights marchers and has been knockin' in the heads of black folks since 1941, but Kim Jong Il doesn't take his lithium either. And he hasn't been fighting two wars for almost six years. And he's just faking crazy. Unlike you, Rudy. You, who is actual crazy.

Rudy and Dennis aside. I'm enamored by almost all of 08's cuddly, little unelectables. From crazy old man Mike Gravel to the only candidate who's compared himself to Jesus just because he came in number two in the Iowa straw poll, Mike Huckabee of Arkansas. They're all such lovable losers you just wanna "Dean Scream" all over them with glee.

All jokes aside. There is one bone that is not completely made of cynicism residing inside of me. And that is the bone that secretly wishes, hope and against hope, that by some act of God, Obama goes the distance. Not because I think it would be mind-blowing for a black man to be president, let alone a black man without an Anglicized name. No, I would want it to happen because Obama winner is the one thing that would cure my bleak cynicism, for if he won I would basically have to rethink America. Like, seriously rethink it. Like, I'd have to go live in the mountains for a little while and contemplate my purpose in life.

I mean, when the history of your family in America consists of not actually having the rights freedoms of other citizens for almost two hundred years. When your father throws away the free American flag we get every July from the neighborhood association because he grew up under Jim Crow and had to kick ass everyday of his life to get everything he owns. When you watch thousands of people die in a city older than the United States of America, when you watch people who look just like you, like your grandmother, your mother, your sisters and you watch them drown on live TV and help doesn't come, you're not going to be the sort of person to slap on two magnets screaming "God Bless America" on the back of your truck.

It's not that I dislike the United States. I think its the greatest country there is. But it's also the only home I've ever known. I don't know if I could pull a James Baldwin or Paul Roberson and just announce, "Screw the man. I'm moving the Europe." Like it or lump it, my family helped build this country, so I've chosen to stay and hope for the better while expecting the worse.

But President Barak Obama would not be what I, or anyone I know and love, would have expected. What would that mean for America?

Would my heart actually fill with pride on the Fourth? Would the pledge of allegiance finally be more than just words?

Would we overcome inaugural day instead of "someday?"

Could I admit to finding men who aren't black men attractive and not be accused of abandoning the black men who I also find very attractive? Would all blackness cease to be politics? Because, my non-Negro friends, everything about blackness is political. Everyday I am aware that I am "the other." But if a black man was president, would I be an "other" no more?

And see? That's why I'd have to move to the mountains if the impossible happened, because I'd have to rethink everyone and everything, because for Obama to win a WHOLE lot of people who aren't black and are most definitely white would have to vote for him. And that would be the thing that would blow my mind the most.

But my mind's not going to get blow. Because I'm a cynic. I'm the fruit of the Civil Rights movement. And I don't think America has made it to that point yet where they would pick someone other than a white man to be leader of the free world.

But prove me wrong, Barak. For the love of MLK, prove me wrong.