And Now Willow Smith Has A Record Deal And You Don't

Future so bright. Gotta wear shades.Ever-Never-Retiring Rapper/Producer/Husband of Beyonce aka "Beysus" (It's like Jesus, but it's Beyonce), super rich dude Jay-Z told radio host/whimsical fop Ryan Seacrest that he's signed 9-year-old Willow Smith to Roc Nation. If you want to die and cry into your guitars and soundboards, go ahead, child. Cry. Mourn the fact that you were not the child of two mega-super-star actors who are wealthy and connected, who, when you smiled at them and said you'd like to create a jam for all the party people around the world, they didn't just pat you on the head and say, "That's cute, dear" but instead got you some studio time and a producer. Mourn that 'ish. MOURN IT!

More after the jump.

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Music Monday: Nepotism Can Sometimes Get You A Banging Track ... At Nine

Willow Smith, 9. Has banging track. You don't. Discuss.So, little nine-year-old Willow Smith (daughter of actors Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith) has an over-produced, catchy, super-slick, Rihanna-esque club banger single out. Do you hate yourself yet? DO YOU?!

WARNING: Listen to "Whip My Hair" at your own devastation. This track will be all kinds of Langston Hughes on your ass. A soundtrack to your dreams deferred, drying up like raisins in the sun, crusting over like syrupy sweets, rotting like stinking meat, sagging like heavy loads, then exploding rhythmically to something that sounds like an old Swizz Beatz track from 1999.

You half expect DMX to pop up and scream "RUFF RIDERS!" for old times sake.

Song and more after the jump.

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