Tuesday, October 25, 2011 at 11:25AMin Raising Cain
Remember when you'd watch a movie or a TV show and EVERYBODY BE SMOKIN'? Yeah, those were the Golden Days for the tobacco industry. So many glamorous actors and TV personalities, sparking it up while giving you the news, fallin' in love, or telling a story. It was magical. But then everyone realized smoking gave you lung cancer and killed you, and then smoking was banned from just about everywhere, even on the streets in New York, and now, if someone sees you light one up, you're going to get more dirty looks than "Hey buddy, can I bum a smoke?" (Or maybe you'll get both a dirty look and a freeloader. I don't smoke -- obviously. I'm just a judgey, dirty look giver.)
Well, Herman Cain's people released this new campaign ad, which folks were calling "bizarre" and "jarring," because it features close up shots of Cain's chief of staff Mark Block talkin' and smoking.
You know who's not good enough to shill shampoo for French cosmetics maker L'Oreal? Most of the people who read this blog. While they hired faces like Beyonce, Kerry Washingtion and Eva Longoria to convince women of color to buy their over-priced products, behind the make-up counter L'Oreal was a tad less "We Are the World."
Burger King has recruited one-hit-wonder Sir Mix-a-Lot to transform his classic ode to ass “Baby Got Back” into a commercial promoting their new SpongeBob SquarePants Happy Meal to kids. To give some background on the evolution of the single, “Baby Got Back” was once quarantined in late-night music-video blocks because MTV deemed it too sexual for prime-time television in 1993. Now it’s being used during college basketball commercial breaks to sell hamburgers to children. (Rolling Stone)
The recession is messing with people's minds. But not Sir Mix-A-Lot. He is as clear as day on his hustlenomics. He would have done this shizz in the Big Money Bill Clinton 90s. The guy made "My Hooptie" and "Put'em on the Glass." He has no shame.
And I love him for it. Booty is booty and money is money.
Now, if you don't mind, I have some letters of comdemnation to write to Burger King for still using that freaky ass King in their commercials. He's not Ronald. He's not Jack. He's fucking horrifying. I have nightmares about that thing. Darius Rucker should have killed you when he had the chance.
I can't decide if he's parodying anyone specific or simply doing a parody of a parody of a parody about fast food and R&B music videos. McDonald's tends to make amazingly dumb commercials when they are geared towards African Americans (remember "Calvin" getting a job at McDonald's, as later parodied by Dave Chappelle? Or a then unknown Tyrese Gibson singing on a bus? Oops. That was Coca Cola. Or that horrible little kid with the boombox in the "Cha Cha Slide" commercial about the apple dippers? Or anything involving rapping?) This commercial is amazingly cornball, but it's in that catagory of "corny things I love" right now. It didn't make me want to buy any nuggets, but I did find the words "McNugget lovin'" have officially entered my lexicon. Way to go, Madison Avenue!
Funny, yet depressing, then hopeful, but still ... a touch depressing. Nothing like seeing almost everything wrong about the last eight years summed up in a two minute parody of one of Anheuser-Busch's most famous advertisement campaigns. No matter how you feel about either candidate, I'm so glad there's no way I'll wake up on Inauguration Day 2009 and Georgie Porgie Destroy-Everything-I-Touch Puddin'-n-Pie will be there with his hand on the Bible ... again. That said ... OBAMA '08! (Courtesy of reader Nalia).
After the "O-mercial" Wednesday night, Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews sat down and had a little chat about it. After calling it effective and romantic Matthews, suddenly, as if reading from some stage play entitled "A Black Man's Lament," went into a lengthy rant how Barack Obama and the Obamas as a family have done EVERYTHING America has ever said black people needed to do, yet, some whites were still recalcitrant in accepting Obama, maybe more interested in forever moving the racial acceptance goal posts on "what a brotha has to do to be your new black BFF."
Chris, apparently, so moved by the O-mercial, can't take it anymore. If you still think Barack Obama isn't American enough why ... why ... why ... Chris Matthews doesn't like you very much right now. As I said to a friend, "Chris has converted suddenly from Catholicism to Negroism ... Like he went 'THAT'S IT! I've gone black and I'm NEVER GOING BACK! Bring on the chittlins!'"
(What's an Irish brotha gotta do to get you to vote for Obama rant begins at 2:50 on the video clip.)
In case you missed it ... more Obama from the All Obama, All Day Show yesterday where Barack managed to be everywhere in Florida at once, got all "we are soooo awesome together" with former President Bill Clinton at a midnight rally, got his infomercial on seven networks, then went live from the infomercial seamlessly, THEN went on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart to crack a little wise and Friday he'll be on The Situation Room with the Wolfman?
Breathtaking.
Oh, and in case they revised it some, this was the official statement from the McCain Campaign via Tucker Bounds on Obama's commercial immediately after it aired Wednesday night:
As anyone who has bought anything from an infomercial knows, the sales-job is always better than the product. Buyer beware.
Awesome. Does this mean all McCain's ads are lies too? Awesome. Thanks, Tucker. Glad to know you couldn't find anything wrong with the commercial either.
Here's the whole piece, "American Stories, American Solutions," for those who missed it Wednesday. It was almost perfect in tenor and tone (and substance) although someone is getting a talking to for a typo of $200,000 that should have read $250,000. For a minute I wondered if I'd written the graphics for Obama's infomercial.
That said, the old woman's arthritic fingers made me cry. So did her retired husband putting on a Wal-Mart badge to go to work at age 72. So did the guy who lost two-thirds of his pension, thanking Barack for acknowledging he'd earned that money and the company had no right to take it away from him. So did the third generation Ford Autoworker worried about his job, family and town. And so did Barack talking about his dying mother and I'd heard that part before a thousand times now.
Yeah. Nothing but sniffles, but I'm not ashamed. I'm a softie who wants to believe. I can't help myself. (Via Ben Smith' blog on Politico)
"No one will delay a World Series game with an infomercial when I'm president," McCain told voters in Pennsylvania, appealing to Phillies fans backing their team in the championship. Fox, scheduled to air the World Series tonight, agreed to delay the game by 15 minutes for Obama's program.
He'll be on a television network near you telling you why he's gonna be your man. Will it be flashy? Will it be moving? Will it be just him talking? Will there be special effects? What's the point in being Tinsletown's candidate of choice if you can't whip out the big cinematic guns? He's already blowing millions on air time. No point in going cheap.
John McCain is doing his McGrumpypants grumbling about how he'd never and this is so presumptuous and blah, blah, blah ... who cares? Everyone knows this is about who has money and who doesn't. Who's on top and who isn't. Just because your opponent won't politely lie down and choke to make up for your shortcomings is no excuse to walk around looking like Mr. Yukmouth. I mean, bringing up some Palestinian American college professor at the 11th hour? One who A) isn't a terrorist, B) hasn't done anything and C) may have been critical of the government of Israel? I have a newsflash: People in ISRAEL are critical of Israel. Are we going to bomb Israel now for not being pro-Israel enough?
That said, I'll be watching Barack tell me what I like to hear, but what if you're not interested in reruns? After all, I'm going to guess that more than 99.9 percent of Snob readers already know who they're voting for and Barack could come on TV with dancing girls riding a unicycle, healing the blind, spitting out $100 bills like an ATM while Bill Clinton dances the ol' soft shoe and you'd still yawn and go "AGAIN? Sigh. I already saw Barack raise the dead and cure lepers in Denver last week!"
So here are some 30 minute programming alternatives for people who DON'T plan on watching The Barack Obama: Hope for A Change Variety Half-Hour at 7 p.m. CST (8 p.m. EST) tonight.
"Tyler Perry's House of Payne (TBS)" -- I wouldn't watch it. But it will kill 30 minutes!
"Pushing Daisies (ABC)" -- ABC passed on showing Obama's commercial and instead want you to watch "Pushing Daisies," yet another victim of the writer's strike. It had good ratings ... once. Don't you want to watch a show about a pie baker who can bring dead things to life and re-kill them by touching them? It's supposed to be a whimsical and stuff? I wouldn't watch it. It doesn't involve hot doctors who can't keep their pants on or Vanessa Williams being a vamp or hot people trapped in a mindfuck TV show about a sci-fi island. Sorry ABC.
"House Rerun (USA)" -- You could watch Hugh Laurie abuse people! That's always fun! It's the "Daddy's Boy" episode where he tries to avoid having dinner with his parents. There's also some annoying sick person who needs saving. The usual.
"Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (AMC)" -- Can't further from politics than one of the worst horror films ever made.
"NBA: Suns versus Spurs (ESPN)" -- I don't like either of those teams. I'm a Golden State, Lakers girl.
Cable News -- Regular CNN will give you Campbell Brown talking about Obama's show. CNN Headline News will give you Nancy Grace talking about dead and/or missing white woman and/or child of the week! Keith Olbermann will be on "Countdown" (talking about Obama effusively and with no shame to his pleasure.) and Bill O'Reilly will be in his "no spin zone" giving his spin on Obama on "The O'Reilly Factor" on FOX News.
"VH1's 100 Greatest Hip Hop Songs (VH1)" -- How long has VH1 been nothing but reality shows and lists?
"Paris Hilton's My New BFF" (MTV) -- Paris Hilton still needs friends apparently.
"Law & Order Rerun (TNT)" -- They're showing a 2006 episode involving a dead mafia accountant. I think I've seen that one ten or 12 times, so I'm passing.
"Clean House (Style)" -- Support Nicey Nash and the flower in her hair!
"Dr. 90210 (E!)" -- Plastic surgery on egomaniacs!
"Miami Drug Cartel (NGC)" -- Ooo ... say hello to my real life little friend in this tale of cocaine and violence.
"Honey (Oh!)" -- Jessica Alba. Watch her with the sound turned down. The acting? Not good.
"Aliens (FMC)" -- Fox Movie Channel is showing the only good movie I've seen coming on at the same time when Barack opens his mouth, the original "Aliens" and it's still as creepy as it was when it first came out in the late 1970s.
Danielle Belton | 
