Moments In Pop Culture That Ruined Reality For Me (Rants)

Paula's gonna run, gonna try, gonna ruin my perception of teen romance!

As a tyke playing with my Barbies I would dream of a world far, far away from my tormentors and the confines of my parents' home of a magical place called "adulthood." Oh, adulthood (or even teen years in some cases). It just HAD to be better than the hell hole known as elementary school and junior high where I had little to no friends. (Thank you Marla for being down when no one else was.)

Because I had no frame of reference at the time, everything I knew about being a teen or adult came from popular culture. My parents' version of adulthood sounded woefully boring. (Hard work? Sacrifice? Bah!) But TV had such wonderful, much more unrealistic ideas to put in my noggin.

Unfortunately these visions left reality terribly disappointing. Here are the top five things that ruined growing up for me as a kid (and a few that still affect me today).

More after the jump.

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Wanda Sykes Said Mean Things About An Asshole *Yawn* (O RLY?)

All Monday it was did Wanda Sykes, the first black woman and Lesbian to do the do for the White House Press Correspondents' Dinner, go to far in insulting a bag of wind. Wait? Are we implying that the bag of wind means something or that the bag of wind has feelings, because believe me, the bag of wind has said worse about others on numerous occasions. (What the hell did Chelsea Clinton ever do to you, bag of wind?)

This a controversy? A comedian sharing mean-spirited jokes about a mean-spirited bastard who uses his talk show to be as mean-spirited as possible to anyone who disagrees with him. Really? This is a controversy media?

O RLY?

More after the jump.

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Sam Jackson Is Nick Fury Nine Times Over (Geek Alert)

Nick Fury as Sam Jackson. Sam Jackson as Nick Fury. It's a S.H.E.I.L.D. thing. You wouldn't understand.

Remember how Terrence Howard, aka My Fair Señor Baby Wipes, got fired from the super successful "Iron Man" franchise and I laughed at him and they replaced him with the always cool and affable Don "The Juan" Cheadle?

Yeah, that was great.

And then, remember how at the end of "Iron Man" they teased us with Samuel L. Jackson in an eye-patch looking all awesome in some leftover black leather jacket from Shaft and we all squealed like idiots because we're a bunch of dorks who really, really, really liked the idea of that brilliant former crackhead who will never, EVER turn down a part (especially if it's toon, action, or curse word related) being Nick Fury?

I mean, he did "Snakes On A Plane" and that animatronic shark movie where he died two minutes into it. Sam would never say no to us. Would he?

But then remember how Sam, even after Marvel started drawing Nick Fury IN HIS LIKENESS, was hemming and hawing about how he might not do it because Marvel couldn't get the money right? (Re: They were being cheap. They're already talking of paying Mickey Rourke in 'roids and gold plated "Obama" dollar coins.)

Nevermind!

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Get Yer Geek On!

Comic collector alert! Spider-Man meets the president-elect!

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