SNL Thursday: Bush Endorses McCain/Palin

Will Ferrell is back as George W.! Hell yeah!

Fear of A Black First Lady

As Michelle Obama's no. 1 fan, I do a regular Google Alert search on her name daily to keep abreast of Michelle news (and I read Michelle Obama Watch and Mrs-O.org). But I also get a lot of anti-Michelle news that grates my nerves. Mostly because I can't believe the level of stupidity going on. Sometimes I'll be irked enough to actually click on one of the links and respond. But I realize that the majority of the time it is not worth wasting my mad typing skills. These individuals choose to be ignorant (and both vaugely and overtly racist), but that doesn't stop me from sharing with you the top 10 things I'm tired of seeing in my Shelly O. Google search.

1. The mythical Michelle Obama "whitey" tape: Stop insulting me. Unless you're George Jefferson, black people DO NOT call white people "whitey." What the hell does that even mean? That's like calling me "blackie." That's an insult?

Black people call white people a lot of things. For instance, if you're from Arkansas, as I've pointed out before, the word is "peckerwood." In some parts of Africa it's "ofay." The stray "cracker" will sometimes pop out, but most black people just call white people "white people." Not "whitey."

That and ... THE TAPES AREN'T REAL, MORONS!

2. Michelle Obama and the lobster v. terrorist caviar debacle: Page Six recently admitted that the story of Michelle ordering up not one, but two lobsters, lobster based appetizers, champagne and some "Iranian" caviar for room service recently was not true. Despite the strong whiff of fake coming from that yarn Page Six and the bloggers ran with it.

My favorite quote/comment on Gawker about the subject comes from Jill7:

Page Six: "We regret reporting erroneously that Michelle Obama ordered Iranian caviar, two whole lobsters, a lobster hors d'oeuvres and champagne from room service at the Waldorf Astoria. We have since been informed by very reliable sources on the internet that she had Iranian caviar, North Korean kimchee, whatever the hell Venezuelans consider a signature dish, fried chicken, watermelon, and malt liquor while staying in a crack house. YOU CAN TRUST US THIS TIME."

And I'm tired of the smear, once again, of every country with a Muslim population as a bunch of terrorists. I have a neighbor who's Persian. As a teen I babysat his kids. He worked as an Engineer for Boeing and enjoys soccer. The guy will actually sit and talk to Jehovah's Witnesses for hours even though he's a Muslim (he enjoys a good conversation). He's probably the nicest man I know and loves America despite the fact that he had to deal with some unpleasant crap during the first Gulf War and we weren't even verbally sparring with fighting Iran then. If we did go to war with Iran it would directly affect him because the majority of his family still lives there. I worry that he can't go visit because the climate being what it is between the two countries he's likely to be arrested as an "American spy" like many other US citizens of Persian descent were.

I became a better person for knowing this man, his kindness and his family. I also went to school with (and have worked with) Muslims from here, India, Pakistan and Malaysia, Muslims who are black, white, Asian and Middle Eastern. I really wish the ignoramuses would stop bashing entire groups of people and their countries of origin. If Colin Powell says to chill on the Muslim/Arab/Iranian bashing, maybe you should effing chill.

3. Michelle Obama "proud of American" moment meets Michelle Obama "racist college thesis:" I don't even bother clicking on these.

4. What if SNL made fun of Michelle Obama?: My favorite bigot, Patrick J. Buchanan allegedly brought this up in a recently penned column, pondering what would happen if Saturday Night Live lampooned Michelle Obama. Um ... here are some OBVIOUS answers WHY the not-ready-for-prime-time-players haven't touched Michelle.

• They have no female African American cast members. They don't even have a racially ambiguous person like Fred Armisten to darken up with some light Egyptian pancake, or Maya Rudolph anymore -- who despite being biracial and as not dark as Michelle could probably do a good Michelle (and Condi Rice and her Beyonce and Whitney Houston were on point).

• Michelle Obama isn't running for president (or vice president). SNL hasn't made fun of Cindy McCain either and she's rife for parody (the clothes alone are worth it). Kristen Wiig would do a killer Cindy McCain (or a non-knocked up Amy Poehler) but they haven't because CINDY MCCAIN ISN'T RUNNING FOR ANYTHING!

• 

  SNL would love to do a Michelle Obama skit. Write them and tell them to steal Mad TV player Debra Wilson to join the cast. I love Debra Wilson. She's so diesel, yet funny. And her Oprah was better than Rudolph's Oprah (and Rudolph did a damn good Oprah). A matter of fact, notice that Mad TV actually employs at least two Negroes on a consistent basis and one of the grossest Asian comics in history, Bobby Lee (who plays John McCain, of all things). Catch a clue SNL. Diversify your cast and you'll maximize your funny.

5. Michelle Obama rips into a racial tirad to "African Press International:" Once again -- FAKE. Show me the reports! Show me the tapes, bloggers! I realize that while Michelle is my shero, she's the opposition's new "chocolate" Hillary Clinton dominatrix meant to whip the "whities" of the world into submission. That she's going to borrow Condi Rice's black, high heeled stormtropper boots and start beating grown white men demanding that they shout "I'm black and I'm proud" a la "The Players Club," but these bloggers need to get their minds out of their pants. Michelle is not Sapphire. Sapphire is not Michelle.

6. Michelle Obama hates white people: Does that mean she hates one half of her husband? Or one quarter of her daughters? Or her in-laws? Or the Bidens? Or the campaign staffers?

I could go on and on.

I get crazy Barack stuff too, like how he wasn't really born here and is therefore ineligible for the presidency ... (even though, per the constitution that point is moot -- his mother was an American citizen therefore he was born an American. Tis the rules people).

Never mind, I'm pretty sure Hillary would have brought that fact up during the primary if it were true. Just like all the Ayers flap and the other garbage the internet is en fuego with in light of Sean Hannity not supplying enough of their crackpot Obama news. Gee, don't these people think that if Sean Hannity could get his hands some Ofay hatin' tapes he would play them non-stop? What is wrong with these people! How you take the most Carlton Banks of non-Republican of black men and his brainy, brassy OBVIOUSLY American wife and make them out to be black Zapatistas is beyond me. But if you need an excuse not to vote for the future, I suppose you can find some weak excuse here in the fictitious flaws in Michelle Obama's moral character.

Even though she's not running.

It's Official: The Election Is Freaking Me Out

Image from reader Tammy

I'm a little nervous.

And not because I think my sweet Hopey McChangey is going to lose. Au contraire, mon amie! Many Democrats keep uttering things like "landslide." America has been a 51-49 nation since the Culture Wars began and commonfolk could be divided along class and tribal lines. Such as, by nature of their needs, you'd think poor white people and poor black people would band together to fight their circumstances, but the teachings of Tim Wise would prove otherwise.

Culture Wars, re: ignorance and racism, trump common sense every time.

Or does it. And that's what freaks me out. Since the economy discombobulated all over us, the Obama Campaign has been on fire. Smoother than smooth. Calmer than calm and quicker than quick in recognizing and dealing with problems that most Democrats don't fight until after the fact.

Like poor and minority voters having their rights disenfranchised. Launching a team of lawyers to fight voter suppression in lieu of the looming election. The Colin Powell endorsement, huge no matter how hard some right wingers must trash a man they thought was their "pet Negro," but, as I've said before, if they'd ever actually listened to him talk about his reality they would have figured out long ago, Powell is no one's pet.

And the South shall rise again ... but for Obama? In Virginia? Once the seat of the Confederacy, it's residents are so dissatisfied that they're considering to go the way of The Great Black Hopemongerer? North Carolina? Talks of Obama using this "I'm rich, bitch!" donation stash to start making inroads in Georgia?

Georgia? The one Sherman burnt to the ground?

The state polls show he's more than closing in, he is beating down. He's neck-and-neck in Ohio and Missouri. He's leading in Florida where the Sarah Palin pick has gone over like a lead balloon with the fiscally conservative (but not too keen on the cultural conservatives) Jewish voters. Plus, her church participated in hosting a "Jews for Jesus" group. If you want to creep out a Jew who loves being a Jew, start hanging out with Jews for Jesus, which many Jews believe is a "peaceful" extenuation of the Holocaust.

Yeah. The shit is that deep.

John McCain is on defense, offense, the fence, fighting a trench war he only recently prepared for. The Obama campaign has been on the ground in ever state mobilizing for more than a year. Two years in some cases. Johnny Mac is a Johnny-Come-Lately, as he fights for Pennsylvania despite an 11 point Obama lead.

What the hell is going on? There are rumors that Obama plans to take his fight right to McCain's front door of Arizona, where the senator is up by 11. There are rumors that McCain, with his shrinkage -- re: funding shrinkage -- may abandon Colorado, where Obama is up by 5 points.

Next to falling off a stage a la Bob Dole, McCain is doing almost every thing he can to help Obama overcome the Bradley Effect and get into the White House and I salute the flyboys efforts, but I'm freaked out all the same.

The Democrats are "winning," people. The Democrats haven't done winning in decades. Save that brief respite called the Clinton Years (which were full of prosperity and filthy oral copulation), it's been a Democratic drought. Now we're facing the possibility of ANOTHER political monopoly, this time -- Donkey Kong style.

I'm interested if they'll go mad with power like the Republicans did, or if they'll maintain some semblance of common sense? Who am I kidding? Those sons (and daughters) of bitches want revenge. Even I want a taste. If they get the majority, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi will morph into "The Punisher," black skull T-shirt at all.

But what scares me, with all the success looming, with everything going the Left's way, but we've seen this movie before.

How will the Democratic Party fuck up this time? They've botched so many elections. What possible scenarios are the DNC and the Obama Campaign over looking that they need to check their list twice on? November 4th could be a dream OR a nightmare. If the Dems mess up this time what is the most likely scenario (other than Mad Dog Joe Biden saying crazy things) to come to pass and how can we prevent it from becoming "deja vu all over again?"

Palin As President

Check out this elaborate animated, interactive flash page on a satirical Sarah Palin presidency if Johnny Mac wins and pulls a William Henry Harrison. (Cartoon by Zina Saunders' from her Drawger gallery of political art)

Jon Stewart: F&*k All Y'all

In other Sarah Palin related humor, Jon Stewart told Gov. Palin to go perform an unspeakable act on herself this week for inferring that small town America is the only real America. Not that "fake" America Osama bin Laden took the time out to bomb. You know? The one Stewart and many of you grew up in. I'm left to assume she's including me as well, a suburban born, urbanite.

Mama and Papa Snob are from the "real" America, rural Arkansas and Texas. Strangely, they don't distinguish between the two other than in St. Louis they ditched the outhouse. Granny Snob, still living in "real" America says it was really air conditioning, LBJ and indoor plumbing that stopped "real" America from being a complete hell hole.

Below are clips from Stewart's harangue in Boston followed up with a continued rant on The Daily Show Monday.

Results Are In: Palin on SNL = Meh

From Huffington Post:

SNL alum Chevy Chase, who thinks Sarah Palin bombed on "Saturday Night Live". "Quite frankly, it's a big mistake to let her go on," Chevy told Access Hollywood at the Give Food a Chance benefit in New York. "What was brilliant about ['SNL' chief] Lorne [Michaels] was that he had nothing written for Sarah and that apparently she cannot improvise herself out of a paper bag!...

"On 'Weekend Update,' that was her big chance," he said. "Nothing."

But Chevy was critical not only of Sarah's comedic chops, but of the political campaign of her running mate, Sen. John McCain.

"The management behind McCain's campaign has been dumb. This has only helped accentuate the problem of his judgment in choosing, in such a cynical way, a candidate like Sarah Palin for vice president. I think the last thing that they would want right about now is to have the rest of America knowing all that... to have her be seen on 'SNL,' certainly never there. If anything, you just want her to be seen just from a distance."

Read more here.

The Obamas In Florida

Barack and Michelle hit the stump together in Florida Tuesday. A new NBC/Wall Street Journal Poll has Team Obama up by ten points from the opposition. Who doesn't feel the love? I feel it. Of course, we'll have to go without it a few days, rightfully so, as Obama will be taking a break from the campaign trail to see to his ailing grandmother in Hawaii. She's apparently taken a turn for the worst, so let's hope and pray she gets better.

In the mean time ... get yer fix of Obama-on-Obama snuggle time! Who's the best political spouse on the stump? You are! Yes, you are, Hopey and the Glamazonian!

Photos by The Associated Press and Reuters.

Powell endorsing Obama = Something Unexpected from McCain

In one weekend, Barack Obama received crowds of 100,000 and 75, 000 respectively in Missouri, his campaign announced raising more than $150 million in September, he's up in Virginia and North Carolina and Gen. Colin Powell endorsed him Meet the Press.

This is a lot, A LOT, of good news going into Monday and if we've learned anything from the last few go 'rounds the McCain Campaign cannot allow all this to become the news story du jour. None of this is helpful to the Republican candidate. This is so much "rah rah rah Obama" news that it will completely block out Gov. Sarah Palin's tethered performance on Saturday Night Live.

I don't think the appearance hurt her in any capacity, but it further solidified the point that she's limited in her scope. The best bit was in seeing her sway side-to-side while Amy Poehler performed a hip hop number in her honor.

But seeing her and Tina Fey quickly cross each paths like a pair of voodoo black cats isn't enough to silence Powell's statements that the narrowing scope of the campaign and McCain's judgment in selecting Palin as veep sent him running to Team Obama.

So what stunt will be pulled Monday? Where will the juggling bears and the dancing girls come from this time? Just how many trick ponies does John McCain own? I prepared for the Republicans to do their best to explain why Colin Powell is no longer relevant. That pretty much started the minute the interview was over with.

On Face the Nation, Missouri Gov. Matt "Little Boy" Blunt told Bob Schieffer the endorsement didn't matter, then dug into the crates with the "Obama = celebrity" meme when explaining how The Great Hopemongerer pulled 175,000 folks in Missouri rallies. Did I mention Matt Blunt is a highly unpopular governor who chose not to run for re-election rather than face certain doom to the Democrats this year? He took one for the team and got out of the Missouri Republican Party's way so they could at least have a shot at the retaining Jefferson City.

Blunt had his talking points. Endorsements don't matter. Even when they're from the guy behind the "Powell Doctrine," who is generally liked by both parties, is an iconic military figure and has played ball with the Republicans for the last few decades.

And Powell and John McCain are "friends."

But saying that alone isn't going to make it go away. It'll take something crazy and unexpected. Perhaps something clever involving Donald Trump and Heidi Montag, or Sarah Palin suspending her campaign to go hunt Osama bin Laden. Or McCain naming Joe Lieberman and "Joe the Plumber" as Palin's co-veeps. Or McCain calling for some random person within government to "step down."

Maybe he'll challenge Obama to a duel. Anything to keep the Irate Talk Express rolling and straight jacking for news cycles. Whatever it takes!

Obama + St. Louis = 100,000

I realize that Missouri is a "red state." Because of this some folks were surprised that Barack Obama pulled down his largest stateside lookie-loo turnout in my hometown Saturday, but in all fairness -- St. Louis is the New York City of Missouri. The Democratic Party has run the city for decades now under the threat of no one, nearly all the self-identified Liberals are from here and a solid majority of city dwellers are African American. Also good chunk of St. Louis County (namely North County) is African American. And it was St. Louis and Kansas City who helped Obama win Missouri during the Democratic primaries.

So, if Barack Obama was going to haul 100,000 supporters out of the middle of the country we were the place to be. That doesn't mean St. Louis is some black, Liberal Mecca. (God, no! If anything it's so horribly the opposite.) And it doesn't mean this feat isn't impressive, because it's obviously impressive. I'm just saying ...

Missouri is complicated.

That said ... stand in awe of the Gateway Arch, the Jefferson Expansion Memorial and more 100,000 people. (Photos by The Associated Press and AFP)