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Wednesday
Mar062013

Don't Call It A Comeback: Are the Bushes Prepping to Restart Their Dynasty?

If 2016 is a race between the son and brother of a former president and the wife of a former president we may never be able to mock the British for their royal obsession ever again. (Image via The Daily Show)Former Florida Gov. Jeb BushJeb Bush, wannabe President 44, is in my newspapers and on my TV. Quotes from Poppy Bush, actual President 41, about Dubya, former President 43, is on my TV. Bushes are on my TV like it's 1999. Are Bushes the new Y2K scare, like the one we had in 1999? Because I think the Bushes are trying to come back ...

From The New York Times:

As political re-entries go, Jeb Bush’s has been rocky.

After watching from the sidelines since before President Obama was first elected, Mr. Bush, a former Republican governor of Florida, injected himself into the debate over revamping the nation’s immigrationsystem this week — and in the process opened the door just a crack to a 2016 run for the White House.

It's true ... They're trying to come back, y'all!

And they're trying to comeback from this. And that. And this. THIS. And that. AND EVEN THIS. And that's just the tip of the ice berg. I didn't even first-tier link to this shit, this shit, this BS right here, OMG this shit and that which under normal circumstances would have ended anyone's presidency. But why didn't it? All I can say about the Bush Years was that people were so overwhelmed by how bad it was their outrage buttons were broken and they just accepted it.

Oh, the country is too traumatized from us sexually assaulting it to HAVE an impeachment, you know? Besides, you don't want to go through a rape trial, America. People treat rape victims TERRIBLY. Having to relieve all that just to get justice? Totally not worth it.

-- XOXO, former Vice President Dick "TROLLOLOLOLOL" Cheney 

They were the idiot leaders America needed, they were the idiot leaders America deserved.

Will you open a door and let them in? Because Bushes are like vampires. You have to invite them in to wreck havoc on your country in the name of executin' and legislatin' laws. They can't just show up with Dick Cheney and barge in. They have to come with flowers all polite-like and say, "Me, oh, my, Miss Belton, you sure do look lovely today. How's your country doing? Oh. Not too well? Well, maybe you could let me in and we could sit down at the kitchen table over this warm banana bread I baked just for you about how I ... and by I, I mean my dad, my brothers, mom, various nieces and nephews and children, can all help. We just want to help!"

Frowny, happy Bush smile.

NooooooOoooooooooOOOoooOOooooooo!

I don't blame Jeb Bush, former governor of Florida and George H. W. "Poppy" Bush's clear favorite son, for wanting to get the White House and finish Dad's job. Countless Shakespearean works are about this particular subject. H. W. Bush was a one-termer due to Bill Clinton's charisma and Ross Perot's 1992 spoiler alert. In hindsight, he wasn't even that bad of a president. To this day, the only thing I truly hate him for is this hot mess right here. He was more of a John Danforth-style Republican than a Ronald Reagan (which in these parts is a compliment, not a dirty word). Heck, I even have the same beef with him that I have with Danforth. (LIKE, WHY? YOU SEEM LIKE SUCH A NICE GUY. WHY DID YOU DO THIS?)

So, naturally, all the Bush kids want to right their dad's wronged legacy, cut short by being out-of-touch in a bad economy. Of course, they did it by nearly bankrupting and destroying our country, but their HEARTS WERE IN THE RIGHT PLACE, GUYS! C'mon! Let 'em back in!

America has no royalty. Our union was started with throwing off the reigns of British aristocracy to forge our own way in a country full of lofty, wealthy idealists; toiling, oft-struggling land owners; indentured servants, indebted persons fleeing debt, religious persons fleeing religious persecution; African slaves forced into labor; and known-criminals. These are the people who built this country. Not kings. Yet the desire to put all our ideals and hopes into the scion of the 1 percent who can trace their roots back to the Founding Fathers and original British settlers is palpable.

It makes it seem as if it wasn't that the Americans didn't want a King, we simply didn't want a British King. We have no problem with creating our own version of royalty out of industrialists and the spawn of industrialists, celebrities and the spawn of celebrities, activists and the spawn of activists, political upstarts and the spawn of the most successful of those upstarts. The Democrats have their Kennedys. The Republicans have their Bushes. If British had an equivalent of this it would be like Prince Charles running for political office on a regular basis, occasionally winning the role of Prime Minister while simultaneously holding royal court, leading to his sons Princes William and Harry also pursuing public service and politics.

The line between our royalty and our political power is heavily blurred to the point of absurdity.

Yet the desire for it falls on us all. People still talk about a "third" Clinton term through either his wife, Hillary, or their daughter Chelsea. People fantasize about a "third" Obama term lead by First Lady Michelle. All of Martin Luther King, Jr.'s children felt the pressure to live up to their father's image, sometimes succeeding, but often withering under the impossible burden of even more impossible expectations. Jesse Jackson's son was also crushed by the wheel of expectation when human weaknesses of greed and insecurity fed on each other. The current crop of Kennedys don't compare to Joe, Jack, Bobby or Teddy, whom all Kennedys are compared. Even failed presidential candidate Mitt Romney was famously trying to succeed where his father failed.  

All trying to further the legacy of our modern-day pseudo royalty. All battling, bettering or failing against ghosts of legacies past. Wouldn't America have been better served if George W. Bush hadn't desired his father's path and felt pressured into legacy? If he had done something he'd actually wanted to do, like be Major League Baseball commissioner? Would the children of MLK be more at peace if they'd all been doctors and accountants and college professors instead of feeling pressured into the ministry and activism?

It's become obvious we have presidential term limits not just to save the GOP from Franklin D. Roosevelt, but to save us from ourselves and our idolization of the famous and the powerful.

America doesn't need a royal family. It doesn't need dynasties. If you're the right person for the job, step up. But if you're just in this for dear old dad, maybe you should consider what would actually make you happy and leave the rest of us out of your pathological paternal to succeed where Hamlet failed, while turning out to be more like Richard the III than Richard the Lionhearted.

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