So This Is Valentines Day and You're Alone.
So, it's upon us. Valentines Day. That one holiday, more so than other holidays, that likes to jump up in your face and go, "Oh, still alone, huh?" I mean, who cares, Right? You don't care. Nope. This is a manufactured holiday meant to make you feel bad. You. Specifically. And no one else. And you're not going to let it do that. After all, it's just another day to you, since you went through all the stages of "Single Again on Valentines Day" grief back when you were in your teens and 20s. Now, a cold, hard shell of your former self is all that remains and you proudly have no damns left to give. You've stared into the V-day abyss and now, you do not blink.
This post is for you.
THE STAGES OF "SINGLE AGAIN ON VALENTINES DAY" GRIEF
1. Denial
"It's Valentines Day again already?!"
2. Pain
Furiously begins writing bad poetry/rap lyrics/letters complaining of the infinite sadness of always being alone.
3. Guilt
"Maybe it's me?" Calls everyone you know and asks if it is you.
4. Anger
"But nothing's wrong wit me! That asshole broke up with me the week before Valentines Day. Probably because he didn't want to buy me anything or take me out! Men suck! ALL MEN SUCK ALL THE TIME!"
5. REVENGE
You oughta know that I hope she cheats on you with a basketball player while rolling in the deep, busting windows out your car.
6. Depression
Reads black lady marriage statistics. Turns on Lifetime Movie Channel and cries.
7. A ray of hope
"Wait? She DID cheat on you with a basketball player? SUCCESS!"
8. Acceptance
Eh. It's still not as bad as being alone on Christmas.
Valentines Day, holiday, love, relationships, satire 
Reader Comments (8)
It really isn't that bad. I'd rather be alone than in a miserable state, formerly known as my last relationship. That's where I was last year. Never turning back....no way hosea!
# 5 ....KILLED Danielle! Thanks for this post.
HA! Love this!
I keep forgetting it's V-Day in the first place...:/
I think you are my new secret best friend in my mind. LOL!! #thatisall
Ah, I remember what it was like being alone on Valentine's Day. Messes with the ol' self-esteem like nothing else. So you go out to bars trying to pick up women only to be met with "the look". All men have seen it and all women have given it. It's a look that says, "You've got five seconds to impress me and I've used three on that thought." Now you've got two seconds to be charming or it's DUMP CITY. That's more preasure than hitting the game winning shot with 2 seconds left on the clock.
Nothing hits you in the gut like asking a girl to dance, having her turn you down because she tells you her feet hurt,and then not two seconds later she's doing thd Humpty Dance with some other dude.
I've asked girls out on what I thought was a date. Threw down some serious cash at a steak house only to hear the girl complain about her boyfriend. Tells me she wishes he were more like me. Okay. That makes no sense. You "can't stand him", you "love" me but you're sleeping with him. If this were Star Trek that logic would make an android's head explode.
The worse rejection, I ever got was asking this cute Delta out. She smiled at me like you would smile at a ten year old and said, "That's so cute that you'd ask me out. When I have a boyfriend, I want him to be just like you. NOT YOU but just like you." It would have been kinder to stab me in the effing ear with a meat themometer.
My point is this: Don't give up on love. I found a great woman who not only was willing to sleep with me, but enjoyed it too! She even married me an bore me two great children.
If you give up, you'll just be sittin' home on Saturday nights watching Fantasy Island. (Or whatever comes on Saturday Nights now)>
@ MSlade " The plane boss the plane" hahahahaha you are too funny, but you are right dont give up on love.
Some enterprising type should find a way to take Valentine's Day, Sweetest Day, Birthdays, Mother's Day, Christmas, Secretary's Day, roll them all up into one single day, and call it, "Go-Out-And-Buy-Me-Some-Empty-Symbolic-Sh**-Or-Don't-Come-Home-Day."