Somewhere, in-between me knitting booties for little Blue Illuminati Carter, the GOP had two debates this weekend leading up to the New Hampshire primary. The first debate, hosted by ABC News had so much promise, starting off with a lot of angry posturing, testy exchanges, harrumphing and epic put downs, but for some reason, ABC thought it would be way too exciting to watch six men on the edge of a breakdown lose their collective shit on stage, so they zapped all the life out that sucker by making the debate about how much Mitt Romney hates "hypothetical" questions about gay people and abortions.
But those first few exchanges were glorious ... before it turned into snoozy tripe. This is one of the few times where I actually would have preferred any of the cable newsers getting this debate so close to the New Hampshire primary. I find it hard to believe FOX News, CNN or MSNBC would have tried to stop the debate from turning into the desperate "Anyone But Mitt, but Not Those Other Four A-holes Either, Vote Me!" car crash it wanted to be. Chris Matthews tried to be charitable in his critique of the ABC debate, saying he wasn't a media critic but pointed out that the moderators didn't really give much opportunity for the candidates to go FUBAR on each other, as they very badly wanted to do in those opening minutes.
NBC's "Meet the Press" Facebook New Hampshire debate was "better," but by then the complete air of total catastrophe was gone. Now we'll never know how far it could have gone the night Ron Paul doubled-down his "Newt Gingrich is a chicken hawk" claim, then shat all over Newt's pearl clutching when the former House Speaker tried use his family obligations and his father's service in Vietnam as the reasons why he wasn't drafted.
Paul responded that he had a wife and two kids, was still drafted and went. So boom. So boom all over the place.
From The Los Angeles Times:
"I think people who don't serve when they could and they get three or four or even five deferments aren't -- they -- they have no right to send our kids off to war, and -- and not be even against the wars that we have," Paul said. "I'm trying to stop the wars, but at least, you know, I went when they called me up."
One thing you don’t do in Republican debates (or really, any U.S. debate) is accuse another candidate of dishonoring military service. Gingrich was particularly incensed.
"Dr. Paul has a long history of saying things that are inaccurate and false. The fact is, I never asked for deferment. I was married with a child. It was never a question. My father was, in fact, serving in Vietnam in the Mekong Delta at the time he's referring to," Gingrich said. "I think I have a pretty good idea of what it's like as a family to worry about your father getting killed. And I personally resent the kind of comments and aspersions he routinely makes without accurate information and then just slurs people with."
Paul countered with: “When I was drafted, I was married and had two kids and I went.”
After that unfolded I thought I was about to watch the most epic debate ever filmed.
I thought someone might punch someone, it was so wonderful. Romney went after Jon Huntsman as if Huntsman was polling above single digits. Paul called Rick Santorum corrupt and Santorum called Paul a liar after saying a reverbing microphone caught Paul "not saying the truth again." (Politicians never say "liar." They always say "factually inaccurate," "willfully misleading" or "misspoke." Apparently liar is the worst thing you can call someone, other than "Niggerhead Ranch Lover.") Gingrich was ready to go at it over Bain Capital and Mitt Romney. Romney and Gingrich fought over those PAC money ads that ran against Gingrich in Iowa. Paul was firing at anything that moved. Rick Perry was Rick Perry and didn't make a damn lick of sense. I'll never forgive ABC for screwing this up. Never.
But Beyonce had her babyonce. I heard for her baby shower KanYeezy and Rhi-Rhi brought the kid Frankincense and Mirth, so it seems folks are expecting big things. But you know? I just kind of expect that baby to be a baby. You know? Sleeping at odd hours, eating and pooping all the time. Screaming occasionally. Doing baby things.
Although, it will be interesting to watch the Baby Fashion Arms Race between her and Mariah Carey for what ridiculous amount of whatever they will dress their daughters in. How young is too young to get your first mink diamond coat? Maybe someone should ask Suri Cruise? She's who I go to for all my celebrikid fashion news.