Oh, Mittens! Can we talk? Have I told you lately that I love you? Word on the street is that the Obama re-election campaign plans to smear you with the "weird" label. (Although Axelrod says he'll totally fire you if you say that mess outloud because that's not the strategy.) But if anyone has ever spent time with an insincere kajillionaire who's trying to figure out how to be down with the homies in the hood they would know that you're not "weird." You're just really far removed from how most peoples' lives are. But c'mon, Mittens. You're not the first insanely wealthy guy to run for Head Enchilada. Why is it so hard for you to not look like you don't want to wipe your hands on your jeans whenever you do grip n' grins with the hoi polloi?
I know, I know. Poor people are all smelly, plus it's summer, so they're extra smelly. And our fat, clammy hands kind of make you want to vomit a little, but that's what the little bottle of hand sanitizer in your pocket is for! Just rub a little in your palms and ... yes. Yes, that's it. Go ahead and rub it on your face a little, even in the nostrils to get the "destitute" out. There! Better now?
Now. Stop saying attack ad worthy stuff like "Corporations are people too." You're making it too easy.